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“The Altered State”
© 2007 Nicholaus Billings

The words come in a whirlwind,
no two fitting together,
no cohesive thought.

Force only jumbles them more,
tosses them around,
shuffling them again.

Then “The Altered State” enters my view
and the haze starts to lift,
yet a new haze sets in.
One in which calm replaces reality,
the words flow in perfect line,
and rhythm paints the backdrop of surreal.

Everything suddenly makes perfect and absolute sense
and the moment I realize this,
I feel peace.

My mind suddenly opens
and I become able to see my life,
with all its chaos,
as if I were not tangled in its thorns,
as if I was outside, looking in.

Then, like a script laid before me,
the words and thoughts flow together in perfect harmony,
as though they know where they belong.
They wash away the pandemonium and bedlam.
No quandary too difficult to make sense of.
No critics to judge.

I feel the tension melt away,
layers of myself fall to the ground,
a fresh and revitalized being remains.

Ready.

And then it begins.
The slow and soft descent back to real.
Back to the sanitarium we call life,
where no sense can be found.
I embrace the tranquility “The Altered State” produced,
that serenity will guide and comfort me.

Until next we meet.

What a beautifully written, inspiring poem. Wow...I really liked the feeling and emotion in this!

My only suggestion (more of a personal preference than anything) is to consider breaking this up into stanzas. Even though this is free verse, adding stanzas will cause the reader to take harder pauses after certain lines, making even more of an impact than the poem already does.

Just a thought for you...I enjoyed this.


~Christine

I agree with Christine...use the stanza angle to give it a solid pause where YOU think it should go. On the other hand...if you'd prefer the reader to interpret it more themselves then I suppose it's just peachy as is.

It definitely rings true...that "altered state" is most always more tranquil than any reality! And it's nice to know that life doesn't always make sense to someone besides me.

Well written!


Bree

Nick,
I can't really be much a poetic critic - I don't even know the rules. The source of the altered state interests me. Some people naturally live in an altered state. Or at least their minds are there and alot of creative things come from them. People originally touted LSD as a mind expanding drug so that whole area is another source of altered state though ignoble.

by the way you have wonderfully described the beauty of the altered state in contrast to the usual one.

John

bree and john

thanks for taking the time to look at this. this is one of my favorites. the altered state is so many different things, it can be anything to any body, and that is the real beauty. it is a place that one can go to make sense of the things that seem to not make any sense at all.
thanks again
nick

Hi, Nicholaus. Nice poem. Sounds like you're an organizer in that special place you go. Good for you.

It is a nice poem. Interesting thoughts and theme. Good work on the stanza breaks--I like them--I guess they weren't here before?

Two tiny thoughts to keep or sweep--in the second stanza, you have 2 "-ing" (gerund form) verbs. As an editor, I recommend "tosses" and "shuffles" here instead for a little more strength. Also you've used "it's" when the proper form here is "its."

Hope you don't mind my comments there, I do like the poem and it has something interesting and insightful to say. Thanks for sharing it!

Linda

tricia
thanks for the read. i always like it when someone enjoys my writing.
nick

linda
thanks for the read and advice. i edited it and think i got everything you mentioned.
thanks again.
nick