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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,299
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OP
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Those Weren’t Your Lips Copyright 2005 Paul T Wentworth Verse 1 She tells me how good it tastes when she feels my lips on her’s She says she Feels so nice to hold the hand of one who cares She says it feel so right when my arms hold her at night She knows that I’ll be next to her til the morning light
When dawn draws the curtains and its pale light bathes my face For just a minute more I close my eyes and and see her charms But soon the empty place beside me reveals the painful truth again:
Those weren’t your lips Those weren’t your hands Those weren’t your arms
Chorus Those weren’t your lips Those weren’t your hands Those weren’t your arms They belong to someone else who keeps her safe and warm
The same damn dream I dream each night It’s a bout to do me harm WhenI wake to find Those weren’t my lips, my hands or my arms
Verse 2 Coffee in the morning, helps my body rise Whiskey in the evening keeps me sleeping through the night I drag myself through daytime like some sorry wasted soul Holding back the tears while this heartache takes its toll
Before I go to bed at night I say a drunken prayer And in my dreams again I kiss and hold her in the dark But comes the dawn, the dream is gone and I hear the same refrain
Those weren’t your lips Those weren’t your hands Those weren’t your arms
Chorus
[This message has been edited by Paul T Wentworth (edited 07-05-2005).]
[This message has been edited by Paul T Wentworth (edited 07-05-2005).]
[This message has been edited by Paul T Wentworth (edited 07-07-2005).]
[This message has been edited by Paul T Wentworth (edited 07-07-2005).]
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 339
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Hey Paul,
I like the idea for the hook. But i don't understand the story. Are you dreaming that she is with another man? Are you with another woman but pretending it's her? I don't follow it. But like i said, I like the hook.
-Patty
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 218
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It took a couple of reads,but I think I'm clear on the story,on who cheated who.All & all good lyrics.Have a great day,read your other one,don't think I dare put them all to the top(LOL)
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Patty and Cody: Thankyou for giving this a hard look and commenting. It is hard to get the gist on the first read. I didsome tweaks to it . Maybe it is clearer.
Paul
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,534 Likes: 28
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Clear enough now, but still neeeds polishing methinks. Put it to music and listen to make it glow. Particlarly, there's a real good flow to lines one and two, then line three is jagged, and the rhymes are kinda trite Then the second part feels a tad poetic...(well the first line anyways) needs to be more conversational methinks. Nothing wrong with the rest though. V2 is pretty solid... Ciao
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Hey Paul - I GOT it now. This is good. I think V2 is really tight, you did a good job putting that together.. butI think you need match what you did in v2 to V1. V2 opens strong.. not too wordy..and you keep my attention V1 has so many words, you lose my attention instead of grabbing me...and you don't want to lose the listener there. The secret is in V2! Keep working this! Joanne
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Joanne and John: I am thankful for your coments. I intend to work hard on this song cause I think it is a good one (IMHO) and what you had to say stimulates me to try harder. THanks for being interested and contributing to me becoming something of a songwriter. Your good deed will not go unpunished.
Joaanne: I went to your website and listenedto your work and it gives me a thrill to have someone that knows how to sing and write reviewing my work and being interested in it. I ma interested in your work as well. Very fine voice. Don't know what kind of venues you played in the past and where you are on the musical food chain, but in my mind you can compete with the cream of what's out there today.
Cheers.....Paul
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Here's a second rewritten version:
(Waltz Time)
Verse 1 She tells me how good that it tastes when my lips are on hers Says paradise holding hands with somebody who cares Says it feels right laying in my arms late at night She knows I’m the first one she ‘ll see at the break of daylight Lift And when dawn draws the curtains And light bathes my face I keep my eyes closed try to keep it alive But my dream disappears Leaves pain in its place
They weren’t my lips, my hands, or my arms
Chorus They weren’t my lips my hands or my arms They belong to another he's keeping her warm Every night this dream does a little more harm
Cause they’re not my lips, my hands or my arms
Verse 2 Drinking two cups of Coffee in the morning, helps keeps me alive Drinking two shots of Whiskey in the evening helps me sleep through the night Throughout the endless daytime, I drag my sad sinking soul Keep all of my feelings in prison, I'm a man in control
But At night ‘fore I sleep I pray my sad drunken prayer Hope by the morning she’ll be lying right there But the dawn comes a gain and brings more despair
Cause they weren't my lips, my hand, or my arms
Chorus
[This message has been edited by Paul T Wentworth (edited 07-21-2005).]
[This message has been edited by Paul T Wentworth (edited 07-21-2005).]
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