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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,167 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,167 Likes: 5 |
I Could Run
I wasn't much good at alot of sports hated the bound'ries of diamonds, fields and courts but I'd run five miles through the pines from my school my shadow had trouble keeping up with my shoes
so coach put me in track and even let me start he said although, I had no arm to throw I had wind in my heart
yeah, I could run and just keep going get pretty far without slowing down the future'd keep me forever young cos as fast as I could run yesterday couldn't run me down
when my scholarship died I took work pumping gas sometimes it spilled as I watched semis going past then Dad got me on driving bobcats long and late I'd load my dreams on those trucks along with those crates
one day I bid Dad goodbye and just drove away it hurt my folks, their hearts were broke I didn't have the heart to stay
when I could run and just keep going get really far without slowing down the future'd keep me forever young cos as fast as I could run yesterday couldn't run me down
travel for its own sake is just a treadmill I kept running but somehow stood still till I went home and asked for forgiveness went back pumping gas till I saved up told dad driving my own truck was both my dream and a business
I could run and just keep going get pretty far without slowing down the future'd keep me forever young cos as fast as I could run yesterday couldn't run me down
yeah, I could run I could run
(c)2005 Robert George
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 209
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 209 |
Good imagery...especially verse 2.
Some rhymes seem a little forced.
The "forgiveness" / "business" rhyme needs attention. What you're saying adds to the story but it is not as smooth as it could be.
Tweak on, it would be worth the effort on this one.
------------------ bob
"Chin up! Adapt, Adjust, Carry On!"
bob
"The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert." -- KK
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,167 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,167 Likes: 5 |
thanks Bob. family rhymes like forgiveness/business are very common in modern country.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
Sounds like a true story. Travel does become burdensome after a while.
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