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Hi, folks! I hope you don't mind me stopping in again. I'd sure like to know what you think of this one. Male artist, country. Thanks in advance!

Erica

I’m Still Here
©2004. Erica Molz


She’d shared my name for 6 months
When we had our first big fight
She cried, I yelled and walked off
Stayed out all damn night

When I got back home
Was so scared she’d be gone
But she told me she was sorry
Took me in her arms...(and said)

(Chorus)
I’m still here
Just like I’ll always be
There’s nothing in this world
Can come between you and me
Darlin’, there’s no need for tears
Can’t you see.......I’m still here

The year that I turned 50
Lost my job and my pride
Didn’t want to tell her
I’d let her down this time

Said I’m sorry that I couldn’t
Give you all your dreams
It’s all I ever wanted
I wouldn’t blame you if you leave.....(but she said)

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
Now I come to see her every single day
Some days she still remembers me, some days she’s far away
But just when I think I’ve lost her for good
I see something in her eyes that says more than words could (they say)

(Repeat Chorus)

[This message has been edited by rickigirl (edited 04-25-2004).]

Hey Erica,

This is very good. Good luck with the music.

Bill

Hi, Bill. Thanks for taking a look. I'm glad you like it. Hopefully I'll find some music for this one. That's always the hard part.

Thanks, again!

Erica

Hi, Erica. Don't see much to nit in the lyrics themselves, but I'm questioning who you'd get to sing this. It'd have to be someone pretty darn old since I'm assuming "she" now has Alzheimers and it "feels" that both of them are older. If you were wanting this to be commercial, my suggestion would be to put it in the third person, so the singer is telling "their story", not his own. Not sure if that helps you any, but those are my thoughts on this one.

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Mary Lou

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/3/mlsudkampmusic.htm

I, too, think this could be better from third person. Also, FWIW, I have seen a couple of songs with this theme and for a song to go anywhere, it will have to be stunning because those are really good. You have a good song there. I don't know if it's stunning. The music would be very important. But the lyric, also, will have to be exceptional. Good luck.

Marylou: Hmmm.....I'll have to think about that third person thing. You tend to get more power out of first person, but I'll give it a whirl, see how it sounds. I could always say in the bridge, "Now daddy comes to see mama every single day...." or something, so at least it's personal. Thanks for the comment!

Hi, Duke. Another vote for third person. Any chance you can remember the names of the songs you're thinking of with this storyline? I'd like to take a look, see how the pros tackled the subject. Thanks!

Erica

Hello Erica,

I see what the others are saying and they may have a point.
Although I think you've put THIS together very well.
Nice job.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Thanks, Calvin. I am going to give the 3rd person thing a try. I don't think that we have to be so literal to think that only a 70 year old could sing this song because the story goes to old age, but if the song keeps the same emotional power in 3rd person and it would make this more likely to find a home, I'll do it.

Thanks for stopping by!

Erica

Hi Erica

I think you should leave it as is, just get a great singer who can portay it as a somebody elses story even though their singing in first person. There's an old Elton John song, I forget the name but he's singing as if he's an old war veteran "30 years ago I drank three times the beer i could today" later on in the song he introduces himself as talking to the vet, but still the first part worked cause he sang it with feeling. So for 33 cents I'll call Elton for ya, see if he's busy!

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http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php

[This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 04-27-2004).]

Hi Erica - I agree with you that songs have more power in the first person. I think you should leave it as is. Willie Nelson or Merle Haggard could sing it. I was surprised by your bridge and loved the idea that the person with alzheimers is still in there.

I still think you could find some sharper rhymes. You have "gone - arms" "pride - time" "dreams - leave."

Here's one suggestion :

Didn't want to tell her
I'd been tossed aside

I'm old-fashioned on this point, I know, but that's my suggestion to make this more pleasing than it already is. Good luck with it Erica!

You'll have give me a shot at putting some music to your lyrics some time. Anne

Hey, Ritt. Thanks for the look-see. You go right ahead and have a little talk with Elton. I wouldn't complain one tiny bit. And thanks for weighing in on the first person/third person thing.

Hiya, Anne. Another vote for first person. That makes it a 50:50 split. Isn't that the way it always goes. You old-fashioned rhyme sticklers drive me nuts! Seriously, though, there really are two camps with regards to this issue. There's the "perfect rhymes are the way to go" camp and the "I'd rather have a near rhyme and say what needs to be said" camp. I fall squarely into the second camp. Guess we'll just agree to disagree on that one. Looking forward to seeing you Thursday!!

Erica

HiDee SR!

Great Angle, Nice Lady!

Sorty Agree on the 3rd Person thing...do it as a Dad-Mom Recollection & Away Ya Goes. Resonates like that "If You Get There First" Hit did... Tho IF ya CAN get that Elderly Artist to Cut It...NeverMind!

"KUDOS" on a Nice Sad One I find Particularly Beautiful..JMO, Natch!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Erica,

A good song. The bridge surprised me...didn't see it coming, but it works well with the hook.

I like 1st person if you could get an older artist to sing it, but 3rd person is probably more commercial.

At any rate, good job!

Hiya, Stan! I love that song you mentioned, so if this reminded you of that, that makes me happy. Thanks for stopping in.

Hi there, Songbird. I'm glad the bridge surprised you. It's always good when people don't see the punchline coming. Thanks for your help!

Erica