JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 FIRST LOVE SUMMER NIGHT...collab w/Ricki

Here's a new one we just finished up...or you can be the judge of that. Appreciate any comments good, bad or indifferent. Thanks Erica!

You won't hurt our feelings either if you want to put this to music!

First-Love Summer Nights
©2002. Erica Groshens/Blake Hill

V1
Cotton candy and carousels
Holding hands and popcorn smells
Take me back to those hot nights that July
I won you a panda bear
You won my heart - didn't have a prayer
When you kissed me beneath the midway lights
On a first love summer night

V2
Cricket songs and moonlight walks
Sharing dreams with each long talk
Our hearts were burning like the fireflies
Holding you in my arms
I never fell so fast and hard
Nothing else had ever felt so right
As a first love summer night

BRIDGE
They say those feelings fade
But for us that’s just not true
The fire's just as strong
As when our love was new

(nifty musical interlude )

V3
Front porch swing and sunset view
Smilin’ at me and I smile at you
Years of sweet memories shining in your eyes
The best is still yet to come
You'll always be the only one
I'll love you for the rest of my life
Like it's a first love summer night

TAG:
Thank God I made you mine
On a first love summer night



[This message has been edited by blakeh (edited 04-23-2002).]

Aww so sweet!And you used great images of sweet--cotton candy being one of my favorites-yumm
Only weak part if I had to nit would be in the bridge--not a nit persay but just not as imaginative as the rest.says the same thing basically....still nice
Great collabu 2 will look forward to hearing!


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http://www.soundclick.com/pamhurley

Hey guys!

Another great one! I'm a sucker for a nice love story....

Maybe it's me, but "corn dog smells" kinda sat funny in my head... kinda like this corn dog... smells... I dunno, I just think maybe "smells" equates a little with "stinks" which is not a vibe I would want to put across in a love song...

Anyhow, aside from that odiferous little snag I thought this one was great!

-Uncle Chuck

Good point Chuck! How about Holding hands and
ringing bells--ties in withthe carnival scene??Just an idea.

I'm thinking if we changed it to POPCORN SMELLS it might work even better since popcorn never smells bad! Thanks for the read there Chuckster. You too Pam; much appreciated.

Well guys, yer two for two this week. Real nice. Didn't get the corn dog bit till I read Chuck and Pam's comments. Popcorn sounds (and smells) like a winner tho.

Good romantic lyric. Has a Keith Whitleyish feel to it. Enjoyable reading, Blake and Ricki...and Blake, thanks for your help...twice. Blessings to you both...Clark

Blake and Ricki`,

Suuuuwwwweeeeeet one here. "Awww factor" to spare! Too many great lines in here to pick just one. Gotta agree with Uncle Chuck...I too stumbled on corn dog smells. It fits well...it just sounds...I don`t know..."awkweird". It may just grow on me though...cause I`m a little awkweird myself. Loved the progression and imagery. It`d take a smarter person than me to nit this, so I`ll just sneak out sayin...great job, great job. Dano`.

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www.angelfire.com/music3/danolyrics

Overall, nice feel and pictures. Hate to say it, but it reminded me of the Tim MCgraw song about barbeque stains on his t-shirt, which also had similar images in it about a county fair, I think..He threw his shoulder out to win her a teddy bear, etc... Good one, though, on your guys part. /glen

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"The process of learning is often more important than what is being learned"
-----The Kat----
Glen King
Music Domains For Sale.
http://www.musicdomains.cc

Clark: Thanks! We got rid of those corn dogs.

Dan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the corn dogs are gone! Sheesh! Glad to inspire the awwww factor. Thanks Dano.

Glen: I just looked up the lyrics to that song. Definitely fair images in the first verse, no teddy bears, though. Just ticket lines. If it reminded you of it, it may be too close, though. Thanks!

Ricki

Hi guys!

This is a real sweet one, but I do see what Glen was saying about the similarity to McGraw. I think the teddy bear line was in "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it". Ticket lines were in the bar-b-cue stains/mini skirt one.

Anyway.....V1, line 3....how about

"Take me back to those HOT JULY NIGHTS"

and slash "that" out of there. Just sounds a bit smoother to me.

Bridge: "Just" in lines 2 and 3? I use "just" when I need a silly-billy, but using it twice together might be too much.

Verse 3.....Is the sunset view smilin' at me? I think you could do "You smilin' at me, me smilin' at you" without too much problem. Just a thought there.

Plenty of nice images here....and as sweet as can be!



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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Sharon_Longworth/

Good job you two! I did have a couple of nits, pretty minor. Agree with Sunny about v3 "you smilin' at me, me smilin' at you". Also v1 line 3, it sounded better to me as "take me back to that hot night in July" because it sounds like it was one night in particular. And also v1 line 6, since you mention moonlight, crickets, and fireflies, I thought instead of midway lights you could say "We kissed underneath the stars twinkling lights". In the bridge, maybe say "the fire's burning just as hot" or "the fire's still as hot, as when we said "I do". One other little teeny nit, in v3 line 5, maybe change THE only one to MY only one. Anyway, that's all from me. Really like all the visuals in here, though!

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Mary Lou

Sunny thanks for the read an critique. I'll agree with all the points SAVE the tim mcgraw similiarity. I think it's the teddy bear line that had ya thinking that; that's been changed to Panda but other than that line i can't see a similiarity. I know the song. His is rocking song and this one isn't.
You win on the other points! Sure appreciate ya pointing those things out for us.

Glen, appreciate ya stoppin' in as always.

Mary Lou: Thanks for the help. You have some good suggestions. We appreciate it!

Ricki

Hi Blake and Ricki,
Really nice images here, made me feel like I was at the fair. I too, thought of the Tim McGraw song when I read this. I don't know if that matters or not though, the song is still a good one!!! Goodluck with it!

JMarie: That darn Tim McGraw! I always have a hard time with this subject. How close is too close? Tim McGraw has 2 songs himself with fair images in the first verse, but theme of the songs was different, so that obviously was ok. The theme of ours is different too. So is that OK? Or does that fact that so many people are thinking of Tim's song make this unmarketable? Tough question. I don't know the answer. Thanks for stopping by!

Erica

Doesn't really matter if it's similar to Mr. Mac's tune since this one is vastly superior!

Truthfully, if we were to avoid writing about certain topics in our songs because they've already been dealt with before, then we may as well stop writing...period.

Reminds me, in some weird unconnected way, of Jim Croce's two songs, "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" and "You Don't Mess Around With Jim." Is it just me or do those two songs tell practically the same story, just with different names? And he had hits with both of 'em!

Ahh, but I digress. I see no hindrance on the potential success of your song because of a few similarities to the other. Bottom line: this is just plum fantabulous!

Greg

Well, Greg, I was just about to hit the hay, and thought I'd check the board one last time first. Sure glad I did!! Thanks! Since I really like Tim's Something Like That, being vastly superior is pretty high praise! I kinda liked plum fantabulous, too! Thank you!

Erica

Hey Blake and Erica, I'm late to the party, guess that means I get to empty the keg!

Seriously, my first thoughts were the same as Glen's... till I got past the first verse. Tim meets her on a plane bound for New Orleans and we never know if he sees her again or not. In this one, they meet, hold hands, fall in love with popcorn and spend the rest of their lives working for a carnival... Just kidding you two, this is a really REALLY sweet lyric. I love happy endings and this one happied me right up!!

GREAT COLLAB!
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