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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 384
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 384 |
Hi folks! here's another one...Hope you enjoy!! please critique, thanks!!
Best Wishes,
Brian.
"Is it over, are we done" © 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved
Verse 1: I never seem to quit understand What he can give you, that I just can't? That I just can't? Say he gives you love I did that too So what's the difference, in loving you? In loving you? We never fought till he came along Still the world revovles, but feels so wrong! But feel so wrong! Tell me is this the end of our road? Because if it is, please let me know! Please let me know!...
Chorus: Is it over, are we done? Should I call somone! To help me through the heartaches? And passt the mistakes? Is it over, are we done? Should I start to run? Far, far away from the pain? 'For I grov insane? Is it over, are we done?
Is it over, are we done?...
Verse 2: The apartment feels cold without you More or less empty, nothing to do Nothing to do!! I can't move on 'cause I miss you so Never told myself, you can let go!! You can let go!!...
Tell me is this the end of our road? Because if it is, please let me know! Please let me know!...
Re-Chorus:
B: I can't seem to convince my heart, That we are no longer one part. Everytime I look back I feel strange, So many things I wanna change..
Lift: Like the goodbye we shared Under the rusty stairs, 'Cause I don't understand Quit where me and you stand...
Re-Chorus:
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330 |
Hi, Brian!
My nit with this is that it's pretty clear it's over especially since she isn't there anymore.
I like this part of the chorus a lot:
Is it over, are we done? Should I start to run? Far, far away from the pain? before I grow insane? Is it over, are we done?
Maybe think about writing verses about the girl giving you clues that she wants to leave. But they are subtle and they make you wonder. Something like that.
JeanB
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