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All suggestions and comments much appreciated.

Click to listen at Soundcloud

EDIT
The link above is to the latest version with the new chorus, prompted by Vic's comments further down this thread.

The original version is here: Original version at SoundCloud


Come Tell Me You Love Me
Words & Music By Gavin Sinclair

Come tell me you love me
Come tell me your lies
Come tell me the truth
If you can bear to see me cry
Though I say I believe you
I don�t believe me
My helpless heart will see what it wants to see

A love that's as deep as the ocean
Is surely a good place to drown
Caught in the riptide of swirling emotions
Gasping for breath you go down (down down)
Look at those pretty bubbles
Nothing inside but your breath
To a fool they may seem to carry a dream
Up from the scary dark depths

Come tell me you love me
Come tell me your lies
Come tell me the truth
If you can bear to see me cry
I'll say I believe you
Though I don't believe me
My helpless heart will see what it wants to see

A heart doesn't want to be broken
It will do all it can to stay safe
Choosing to hear in every word spoken
Just what it wants to believe

To a man who is not a strong swimmer, like me
Even the tiniest glimmer he sees
Of light from above may look like the love
That can save him...if only...

Come tell me you love me
Come tell me your lies
Come tell me the truth
If you can bear to see me cry
I say I believe you
Though I don�t believe me
My helpless heart will see what it wants to see

I don't think I've ever heard you do a waltz

To a man who is not a strong swimmer, like me
Even the tiniest glimmer he sees
Of light from above may look like the love
That can save him...if only...

alt...

From below the waters are dark and serene
Any ray of light promises warmth
The air up above must feel like love
If only he could weather the storm

Nice Gavin!

love the chorus Gavin, " I don�t believe me
I will see what my heart wants to see...ain`t that a hard truth.. good job my friend. Lane

Oh, I've done a few in 3/4 time, Tony

I like your suggestion, especially the third line. However, the song's focus is really on the heart's self-preservation by self-deception rather than weathering a storm and coming out the other side.

Thanks for listening and commenting Lane. A hard truth indeed, but most have done it at some point in their lives.

Gavin,

Bravo. This was a truly beautiful melody and great lyrics/metaphors. I felt like I was in the late 19th century listening to this song. Melancholy & bliss are ageless. I could hear a fiddle or maybe even a cello in this song waltzing along side of the piano and taking a couple small solos.

Well done,

steady-eddie

Hi Gavin.............I really like this.
And I agree, a viola would sound "cherry".
Very heartfelt...........good one, man!
-Tom

Love the sound of the piano. Is that you playing?
The piece has a wonderfully classic vibe to it.
Nicely done.

Glad you liked it, Eddie, and thanks for the kind words of encouragement. The 3/4 time and the piano probably contribute to that 19th century feel. I once stumbled into a role as Lord Cornwalis' valet in the movie, "The Patriot" because the director decided I had "an eighteenth century face," so the nineteenth is pretty up to date for me LOL.

I did think of adding a fiddle but thought it might make it a bit too busy. However, I might reconsider - a fiddle makes just about anything better. Thanks for the suggestion. Not sure if there is room for a solo without making it a bit too long.

Thanks Tom. Since you echo Eddie's viola suggestion, I'll play with the idea and see if I'm wrong about it making it too busy.

Thanks Nelson. I do play the piano but generally only well enough to write songs, not to perform them in a way that wouldn't offend the ears. That is actually just BIAB. Occasionally it turns out just right, usually on simple songs like this. And it pretty much always turns out better than me playing

being a professional dancer, my favorite music is 3/4 time waltz. Just finished dancing to it. A perfect waltz!! Really liked the piano. Well arraigned song, Gavin


Steve

Thanks Steve. I'm not sure this song is worthy of the honor of being danced to by a professional dancer Yes there is something special about 3/4 time. I see you are from Nova Scotia. A lovely part of the world. I'm a big fan of Natalie MacMaster.

Hi Gavin.
Sounds like the kind of song I used to hear in Dublin pubs many years ago.
Did you realise it's the same tune as "Jock Stewart"?

Very melodic. Very nostalgic.


Vic

Gavin

I used to teach Arthur Murray's 12 Ballroom Dances--For the average person WALTZ was more difficult.

A nice flowing melody!

I enjoyed this song!

Mackie

By Golly, you're right, Vic. I've heard that song before and it's crept in and taken over here in the chorus. There are a couple of small differences but it's still recognizably basically the same melody. It's public domain of course, but still, I didn't want to do that.

Gavin
I've done it myself a few times in song parts without realising.
If it's really obvious I have to backtrack and change a chord or two which forces me to sing a different melody there.

Vic

Yes, we need more waltz songs Gavin. Nice, memorable melody. Found myself humming this after listening. Hope it doesn't find its way in one of my waltzes.

Brst, John

Well, Vic, I went back and redid the chorus, switching around a couple of chords, trying to keep the same feeling. It ended up with a different last line, which seemed like a better title . Although now I'm not sure that "My Helpless Heart" is better than "Come Tell Me You Love Me." It might be a bit off-putting, suggesting that it's another of those boring poor me songs, which I hope it's not and, if it is, I don't want to give that away up-front LOL. Here it is...

https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings/my-helpless-heart/s-Zae0WpCFGvj

The first comment I have is I love that way that your voice conveys the heartbreak of this song. Your delivery and pain are spot on. The most powerful lines of the song for me were the closing lines of the chorus "I'll say I believe you but I won't believe me, my helpless heart sees what it wants to see." That's a great line because it's instantly relatable. It's a great song and the only nit I have at all is the fact that I was a little confused in the first verse about which one of the characters was drowning, you or the lover in question. I loved the verse, however, and it contained some of the song's best imagery. Overall it was a good story and a quality write.

Bobby Wayne

Thanks for listening, Bobby, and the kind words. You're the second person (the other one was not here) to make the same point about not knowing who is being referred to in the first verse. The "you" is supposed to be non-specific, meaning anyone in the situation the singer finds himself in, metaphorically drowning. One could use the word "one" if one were speaking more formally I could change ...
Look at those pretty bubbles
Nothing inside but your breath

to...
Look at those pretty bubbles
Nothing inside but my breath

I need to think about this...

Nice one Gavin - it has that traditional waltz vibe which really gives the warm and fuzzies to listeners' hearts
I really like the lyrics and vocals especially.
Could use a haircut though at over 4 mins.

Paul

Thanks Paul. Yes, I have considered giving it a trim:) 4:24 is not ridiculously long for a folk song, but I would usually try to stay under 4 minutes, which could easily be done by eliminating the bridge before the final chorus. I left it in because I like the way it sounds, but it doesn't really perform any of the traditional functions of a bridge.

I was thinking you might halve the first verse - so we get to that lovely 2nd chorus all the sooner.

My Dad used to listen to this exact kind of stuff when i was growing up. He liked traditional Irish and Scottish Folk and American Folk

My new rule is I only stop in if I like it and you made the cut (now ill get hell for never stopping in)

I think you have a good traditional folk melody. Good thoughts and some nice lines.

3/4 time will never be pop material so I wouldnt change it into one.

The one thing I thing that stands out on the downside is that I dont see the chorus as a chorus. It sounds like, and looks like a verse to me

If you edited that part, and threw in "come tell me you love me, and I wont believe"...or something like that as an outro, it would resolve the chorus, with the hook, so the listener knows thats the main part.

But i may be putting it into a contemporary rhealm, where this lies in traditional folk.

Either way, you have something you can work with and as most have said here, it feels right

Yes, that would be an option. For some reason, I think it would sound weird if the first verse were that short. I know the old saying is "don't bore us, get to the chorus," but that doesn't really fit very well here, as I served the chorus up first LOL. Actually, leading with the chorus is what makes it so long. You get three helpings of it in a slow song. I might just have to live with the 4:24 length, or at least give it some more thought. It doesn't "feel" long to me, but then it wouldn't since I wrote the thing

Anyway, glad you found the second chorus lovely! And thanks for your suggestions.

Hi Gavin.
I think we can now say Jock Stewart has left the building.
"Come tell me you love me" is a better title.

Vic

Thanks for listening and commenting, FD. I take your point about the chorus. I'm not really concerned about whether it looks like one, but it should sound like one. In a pop song, you might expect more of a build up to the chorus. In a folk song, which this kind of is, I reckon the chorus can be defined as the bit that everyone gets to sing along to and remembers afterwards. I think this chorus fits that bill reasonably well, at least I hope so .

Hi Gavin
I loved the first two lines of the chorus! It's old time stuff with a vocal that doesn't hit the mark all the time but it's refreshing to hear something unpretentious.
I enjoyed the listen.
Regards
John

"A vocal that doesn't hit the mark all the time?" That's a controversial stance which flies in the face of popular opinion by implying that it does hit the mark some of the time. I wonder which parts those are LOL. Just as well I know I'm not a singer or I would be challenging you to pistols at dawn, sir!

"Refreshing to hear something unpretentious" - I'm like a wine from the wrong part of Spain on special offer at Tesco. Don't bring me out for a special occasion, but I'm OK to have with a frozen pepperoni pizza (also available at Tesco, �3.99).

You made me chuckle, John, as well as wonder what the refreshing unpretentiousness you mention might suggest about your view of the rest of what is posted here.

I read all the way to the bottom expecting you to get around to bashing Trump.

Nice song.

Well, there are those who might argue that he belongs at or emerged from the bottom of something, but surely not my post

Thanks for pointing him out, Vic. I had a quiet word with him and he agreed to go back to his own song.

Pistols at dawn hey!
I'll have you know I'm a crack shot, sorry crap shot.