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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62 |
All My World Fun little song that came out of a jam. Definitely not polished but let me know what you think if you have a second! Lyrics: Your words they came so softly Like a ship, caught on the rocks And a tide come to raise it up The many Lessons you taught me, Different ways to read the stars For when the moon is not around For when All My world is coming down This song is one I can't sing The words only for you Their meaning lost when spoken For you I'll try to tell em For you are all I am and your song is all I have When All my world is coming down...
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Great song and vocal Nick.I enjoyed reading through the Lyric too! Really good Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,235
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,235 |
This sounds like a lost Nick Drake track. For a recording of a jam, this came-out really nice. You must hang-out with some tasty jammers. Usually these things sort of become unrecognizable as people start stepping on one another. The piano at the end was a very nice touch. If you decide to redo it, maybe let the track fade out with that piano at the end.
Really cool vibe though. Enjoyed this very much.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3 |
Nice jam quality to the tune with a good vocal (vocals!) too. Lead player might have hung back a few times when the vocal was going on, but that can happen sometimes. Good song.
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62 |
Cheer! Appreciate the listen and great suggestion !
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 62 |
Thanks for listening
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Yes, overall good job and nice song. I strongly dislike walking on the vocals with noodling as your guitar player is doing! (usually it's the harmonica player). But you can sort that out with a full fledged recording.
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 513
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 513 |
Interesting jam that meanders a bit.
It's not bad, and it COULD be a good tune. That being said, there are a lot of things that need fixing, imo. I hope this doesn't offend you but I am going to be honest to try and help you make this a good song and production.
First of all, you sound uncertain of the melody as you are singing. You need to nail this down, and even if you are 'iffy' with breathiness in the performance it will sound confident melodically.
The accompaniment of the solo acoustic and the piano are playing wrong notes. While I do subscribe to the school that 'there are no such thing as wrong notes', this is not jazz, and it just sounds off here. They are really close but they are off by a mode. Try Dorian instead of minor here, or just have them follow the chords more closely.
I am not sure what the occasional percussion is doing but it's not working just being 'here and there' - maybe I am just hearing some guitar thump. You should consider some bongos or congas on this; I think it would work well with the jam style.
With a bit more honing, this song could be really good. I hope this helps!
Peace, TC
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 45
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 45 |
Hey, this is way tighter than most of the crap that comes out of my jams. You have a strong hook, a real groove, and a pretty damn passable lyric!!
Sure, you gotta polish it, figure out who plays what where, and all that stuff, but this is the core of a good song already. Just needs a little nurturing.
John
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895 |
Well, you did say it was a jam so, yeah, it's scattered and everything is stepping on everything else but for all that, I liked it. Should you decide to clean it up and have a more organized version, then the lyrics won't get lost and I think I would like that even more. Ricki
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi Nick:
I listened and enjoyed. Like most songs enduring infancy, this one has real potential. The lyric is a bit cryptic but that only adds to the charm... and besides, I don't mind "filling in the blanks" for myself. Don't let this one languish. Best of luck with it. Merry Christmas! ----Dave
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