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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
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Joined: Jun 2011
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FRIDAY NIGHT CLOTHES v She looks into her closet, sighs they're looking old weekends come around again,need some Friday night clothes In the bar dancing together on the hardwood floor but she knows she's going nowhere and closes the door c1 One kid starts crying, one needs to go to bed. She's left too imagine those nice Friday clothes- in her head v Her husband called he's working late once more Yes she knows, smells her perfume soon as he walks in the door Seems he's got time and money for everyone else OK, he's fine with the kids, she has to look after herself b Once he promised the world, she believed every word today saw that self satisfied look on his face- When She told him,there'll soon be a third c2 Friday night clothes, someone to say my oh my! sure look pretty, so proud of you-hey wipe those eyes! Wearing Friday night clothes for someone who cares- and appreciates she always tries
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FRIDAY NIGHT CLOTHES v She looks into her wardrobe, sighs they're looking old weekends come around again,need some Friday night clothes In the bar dancing on the hardwood floor but she knows she's going nowhere and closes the door c1 One kid starts crying, one needs to go to bed. She's left too imagine those nice Friday clothes- in her head v Her husband called he's working late once more she knows, smells her perfume soon as he walks in the door He's got time and money for everyone else he's fine with the kids, but she has to look after herself b He promised her the world, she believed every word. But all she can remember now- is the look on his face that said you're caught in my trap. When She told him,there'll soon be a third c2 Friday night clothes, someone to say my oh my! sure look pretty, so proud of you-hey wipe those eyes! Wearing Friday night clothes for someone who cares- and appreciates she always tries
Last edited by Travis david; 04/05/16 03:54 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Sad...
When he told him,there's going to be a third
Presume the first he is she
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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"But all she can remember now- is the look on his face that said you're caught in my trap. When he told him,there's going to be a third"
Some poignant lines there, Travis!
I sing in the bars and see these young women. They are self-conscious about their looks, always trying to be beautiful and stylish.
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Thanks for looking by John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Sad one Jim,thanks for looking Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hi Travis,
GREAT hook and very sad story indeed.
Two tiny nits, one I think is just a typo:
In the bridge, last line, should it read "When SHE told him, there's going to be a third"?
and...
I wonder if the very last line might be overstating the case. Maybe something more like:
"Don't even know why she still tries"...
Just a thought, KOS. Otherwise, terrific!
Cheers, Beth
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Thanks Beth typo and that line changed i've altered that last line but think i will return to it and consider it again Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I think you have a good song idea here. See suggestion below:
FRIDAY NIGHT CLOTHES v She looks into her wardrobe, And sighs they're looking old weekends come around again, need some Friday night clothes In the bar dancing on the hardwood floor but she knows she's going nowhere and closes the door pc One kid starts crying, one needs to go to bed. She's left too imagine those good times in her head c With Friday night clothes and someone to say You sure look pretty good Let's dance the night away. Wearing Friday night clothes for someone who'd care If she's really happy And with her good times share.
v Her husband called her on the phone he's working late once more Then she smells a strange perfume as soon he walks in the door He's got time and money for everybody else he's fine with the kids, but she looks after herself. pc c
b He promised her the world, And she believed ev'ry word. But all she can remember is the look on his face When she said this is absurd
I need some Friday night clothes .....
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You come up with some good titles and hooky lines Travis. The lyric is good too.
Vic
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Thanks for your take on this Mr.S I don't want to lose the bridge and it's implications,though it does need a rewrite on it. Cheers much appreciated and certainly worth coming back to Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I've altered this here and there and also given it a new bridge. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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