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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:41 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 10:39 PM
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788 |
Hi Neil,
I like the hook here. I think it might help if you don't rhyme "go with "go" in your bridge. Perhaps some other idea there. Also in your Chorus you have:
My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
A Collie our four kids could follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went
Thought maybe you could change the 4th line so it would read:
My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
White picket fence and kids (children) to follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went
Just some ideas.
Best,
Lynn
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