Originally Posted by beachbc
By last part, did you mean the bridge? And by lyrically not needing it, did you mean that it doesn't really add anything to it? should I change it to something else that develops what's going on a little more? or is it just redundant, sounds fine, and can stay.

[side note]I'm more of a traditional songwriter in that I think the nut of the song should be in the chorus, details in the verse and the bridge if needed should bridge the chorus and verses. Not everyone thinks that way so I hesitate to label parts of a song.[/side note]

and just to be clear I'm taling about this section:
I'm tryin to keep my head above water.
I'm just trying to get air.
I'm hoping that life is gonna be better.
Come and save me from dispair

Of course you can leave it the way it is, it is your song. But to me it doesn't add much to the song nor does it have the wistfull pensive mood of the rest of the lyrics. For instance, these lines
I'm tryin to keep my head above water.
I'm just trying to get air.
are redundant and you miss the chance to add some other information. I'm not saying they are bad, just that they could be better. [Linked Image]


Originally Posted by beachbc

Funny note: I have been trying to get divorced for a while, and I have a tattoo of her name on my wrist(yeah I know so don't tell me)(she has my name on her wrist also so at least it is even) and a misquito bit me there. So now not only do I have this stupid tattoo, but it itches!!! DAMN YOU FATE :-)

lol! You should write a song about that, that's a funny story. smile

Originally Posted by beachbc

Thanks for your time listening to the song, this is so much more helpful when I can work this stuff out now, before I'm just plain sick of the song! thanks again.

No problem, been that done there. On some of my songs I reach the 'it's good enough' stage pretty early. wink

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