Hi Gary,

Thanks for looking at this so closely. I always appreciate that. smile

I have to disagree about leading off with "organs" though. I like the mini "reveal" a listener gets to have by wondering who or what exactly "they" are and why they are blowing up little details to big ones, etc..

Leading off with "organs" leaves some mystery, but a listener is then combing through possible organs the singer might be talking about. That's not where I want a listener's imagination going.

And so changing "they" to "hearts" doesn't work for me either. As I said, no mystery there, then..

As to nixing the word "some" from the line "then I watched it crumble/like some dried up Autumn leaves" --the word "some" specifically makes it seem like a casual, random thing to happen--which is even more devasting an account by the singer..so I like the word "some" there..



Thanks for the listening and the suggestions.. smile

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 07/31/19 11:26 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)