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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 570
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OP
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All comments and severe critique welcome
Newest version
Bubble of Blue © 2001 Pamela Bowne
INTRO
Here’s to you
Your new bride, too
The crowd grows, champagne flows
Got my glitter and glitzy clothes
Sparkle softly, shimmer shows
Fancy faking, no one knows
CH
I drop the dream that can’t come true
Tonight party just to prove
I ain’t drowning over you
Just dancing thru a bubble of blue
Can effervescence and I combine
Forget why you felt like mine
Hope tomorrow’s sun will shine
For now I’ll try a bit more wine
CH
I drop the dream that can’t come true
Tonight party just to prove
I ain’t drowning over you
Just dancing thru a bubble of blue
OUTRO
I raise my glass
Wish you the best
Get past the rest….
Dancing thru a bubble of blue
OLDER VERSION-
INTRO
Here’s to you
Your new bride, too
The crowd grows
Champagne flows
Got my glitter and glitzy clothes
Sparkle softly
Shimmer shows
Fancy faking
No one knows
CH
I drop the dream that can’t come true
Tonight party and pray it’s true
I ain’t drowning over you
Just dancing thru a bubble of blue
Can effervescence and I combine
Forget why you felt like mine
Hope tomorrow turns up fine
For now I’ll try a bit more wine
CH
To drop the dream that can’t come true
Tonight party and pray it’s true
I ain’t drowning over you
Just dancing thru a bubble of blue
Last edited by Pamela Bowne; 08/13/14 05:41 AM.
Never think can't do - think how to
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I like what you have, and I do believe a song of somewhat unusual structure could be composed from this...but I really think you should match the formats of the two sections before each chorus, so they are like verses.
One possibility is to write another verse that is just like the "crowd goes/champagne flows" section, so that you have two matching verses, and then keep the "effervescence" section as is, and call it a bridge.
But then again, an unusual structure never hurt anyone. Nice write!
-Mark
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Hi Pam, cool title/hook. stay with it, looking forward to seeing how it turns out. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Thank you for your read and comments, Mark.
I actually did have a 2nd verse at one time, then I felt the song was getting too long. I'll have to revisit. I also probably sing the "Effervescence" exactly like the 1st verse even though the rhyme scheme doesn't match.
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Calvin, I always appreciate your views and encouragement. My goal now is to get at least one of these out of my head and into an MP3 file. Seems I keep letting life and lack of money get in the way.
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Hi Pam, had to look hard to find something you wrote! If you do your own music, this is irrelevant, but I notice a lack of structure.
Aside from that I LOVE your colorful imagery. "Fancy faking," "dancing through a bubble of blue" are top notch. Also really like the "Forget why you felt like mine."
Great stuff!
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Hi Pamela,
you have another good one going here. Though short the story shows good progression. I really like the hook, and you have some very nice lines. If this song is sang at a fairly slow pace with music fillers, it can work as is. I've never been too hardcore on structure, if a song meters, has a good rhyme scheme, and has a good progression, which this does. If you intend for it to be more upbeat I would think about adding back that other verse, you had mentioned. Otherwise I like it.
David
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Thank you Frank, for your read and comments.
Thank you David, Since, right now anyway, I can neither find nor remember that other verse, it must not have been very good.
BUT, I really do need some HELP! I just noticed my CH has two lines ending in 'true.' For almost 20 yrs. I've been catching or trying to catch that type of mistake in other peoples songs.
And I missed this one in my own?
It seems to be stuck in my head this way. Please- Suggestions?
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Hi again Pam, wow I really missed that same word rhyme in the chorus. It appears I'm slacking here.  Below I did a little different take on your chorus, posted the lines up to better show structure, and changed the third line of verse 2. Just an option, see what you think. David Bubble of Blue © 2001 Pamela Bowne INTRO Here’s to you Your new bride, too V The crowd grows Champagne flows Got my glitter and glitzy clothes Sparkle softly, Shimmer shows Fancy faking, No one knows CH I drop the dream that can’t come true I'll party, pray, and even dilute But know I ain't drowning over you Just dancing through a bubble of blue V Can effervescence and I combine Forget why you felt like mine Hope tomorrow a new sun shines For now I’ll try a bit more wine CH I drop the dream that can’t come true I'll party, pray, and even dilute But know I ain't drowning over you Just dancing through a bubble of blue
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Thank you for the help, David.
I don't know if the fake rhyme prove/true will work for a listener but It sings OK for me.
I'm still trying to get some kind of mp3 take of this so the metering and structure can be checked. Wish I wasn't so inept and slow.
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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