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(This is an old one I dragged out again and completely re-vamped)

Jewelry Box Blues
v.1
A look inside my jewelry box tells our history
All these pieces of our past staring up at me
Precious gems lose their lustre—like the love we had
Every time I see them I can’t help feeling sad
v.2
My wedding ring looks lonely-- I don’t wear it any more
The anniversary pendants will stay right in this drawer
The bracelet from New Mexico—well, that time has passed
Sometimes jewelry is the only thing that lasts
(Chorus)
I’ve got a case of the jewelry box blues
Memories of my time with you
Sterling silver, 18 carat gold
Every thing I touch leaves me feeling cold
Just opened the lid, stepped right into
A case of the jewelry box blues
v.3
The tiny ballerina keeps twirling round and round
Now she’s looking tired, maybe coming unwound
I feel a little like her as I stand here today
Looking back on a life that's now gone away
(Chorus)
I’ve got a case of the jewelry box blues
Memories of my time with you
Sterling silver, 18 carat gold
Every thing I touch leaves me feeling cold
Just opened the lid, stepped right into
A case of the jewelry box blues
(Bridge)
I could take these tarnished memories, get them melted down
Cash them in for new beginnings, start turning things around
(Chorus)
I’ve got a case of the jewelry box blues
Memories of my time with you
Sterling silver, 18 carat gold
Every thing I touch leaves me feeling cold
Just opened the lid, stepped right into
A case of the jewelry box blues
A case of the jewelry box blues

© Betty Holt, July, 2009

Good morning, Betty. I haven't commented on one of your lyrics in a while. I'm glad to see you're still overflowing with talent.

There are so many ways, and places, where we find our memories: photographs, songs from a certain time, places we've visited, etc. I love how you use jewelry as your source of perhaps not so pleasant memories. This lyric is chock full of great images that really drive home the whole concept of jewelry box blues.

The only nit I have is in the bridge. Quite frankly, I think it could be much stronger. The first line didn't have much meaning for me, and the second somehow just seemed awkward. I don't have a suggestion at the moment, but I think the rest of the lyric is so good, that it loses some of its punch when you get there.

Just my humble op/ed, but I know you've got what it requires to make that section more powerful. Excellent writing, nonetheless.

Greg

Hi Greg,
Good to see you! And thanks for your comments. Evidently I need to re-work the bridge. My thought was to compare having an emotional meltdown with the melting down of the jewelry and making it into some new thing. I'll think on how to say that better. Thanks for stopping by. Have ya been "lawyered up" lately? :-)

Good Write, Mz Betty!

On that Bridge, I'd condense a bit:
"From the ashes of old, something new can be found" for Line 2.

V3's Line Sug: "..that went somewhere-astray" is easier-sung, JMO.

The Urge to Sug a TAG comes-strong:
"Most Days were Diamonds, but Here's a Sapphire-or-Two/
To round-up The Colors of My Jewelry Box Blues"

K-O-S it all, & Good Luck with a Nice Sweet Sad One, M'LadyChum!
Big Happy 4th of July Hugs,
Stan

Hey Betty,

How are you?

I enjoyed this a lot...the idea of using the device of the jewelry box to "stroll down memory lane", as it were, is very clever.

I'll have to agree with Greg, as I think you go off track a bit in the bridge. I do like Stan's sug, and here another one, KOS:

Bridge:
The music stops, I close the lid, the jewels' get tucked away
But tarnished memories linger -- fool's gold tricks me to this day

Again, total keep or sweep....Didn't' know if you were offering a bit of hope there...mine is a bit more "status quo/introspection". Maybe you could have her cut pricked by a broach or something....making her realize that maybe, ala "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", she's putting too much emotional energy in these pieces. Perhaps she should sell them. That could be worked into a tag somehow, about finally letting the past go. Perhaps you go to a jeweler for an appraisal, he/she says, "these are quite valuable", and you say, "not any more"...or something like that.

Anyway, I'm digressing, and it's now July 4th, so one more post, then beddy bye!

Good luck with this one Betty. You have a GREAT start...

Beth

Hi Betty,

Overall a good job, but I ALSO like the idea of condensing a bit.
Good writing, hope you have a nice holiday.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/bands/0/calvinstewart

I love the concept, Betty, and you have good imagery going on. Great title/hook (including the double wordplay - maybe not intended - of 'a case of' and 'jewelry box'). A little tightening up would give the lyric more impact, I think.

I've made a couple of random suggestions below. KOS.

I'd also recommend re-writing the bridge to give it more punch. It doesn't move things forward, lyrically or musically, and the mixed metaphors clash.
Something that has melted doesn't rise from the ashes.

Donna

Thanks, everybody.

Stan, your suggestion about "went somewhere astray" is good. Or maybe even "went somehow astray". I'll also look if there are better rhymes there, Donna Marilyn.


Thanks for stopping by, Beth. Good to see you again. I somehow want to get across about the person having a "meltdown" and tie it in with metals getting melted down to create something new, but obviously haven't figured out how to make that clear and work...I like the idea of the jewelry or appraiser and maybe could work that into the meltdown idea.

Thanks, Calvin, for your comments. Happy Fourth to you, too. (I'm at work, but I'm a realtor and there's nothing going on!)

Donna, I think the "case of" must have been unconscious, but I did get it after I wrote it! But it wasn't consciously intended. I like the "tiny" and "twirling" words about the ballerina. Will incorporate that, thanks. I know I need to re-work the bridge. Every single comment has said so! :-)

How would this be for a new bridge?

I could take these tarnished memories and put them through
A meltdown with a jeweler, create something new

Any thoughts welcome.

I could take these tarnished memories and get them melted down
Cash them in for new beginnings to start my turn around
....????

Excellent, Neil! That's perfect. Thanks!

Betty
You are welcome.
Hope you get a Grammy. LOL

Neil