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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 197
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 197 |
Kissing Season
Kissing season opens this Saturday night
My girl's giving me another try
We had a fight when got away
I just can't wait till Saturday
Been catch and release for a long while now
I want to keep her just don't know how
Try to get her with another line
Words get tangled in my mind
Kissing season opens this Saturday night
My girl's giving me another try
Hope my lure is the one that she takes
I'll reel her in with no mistakes
Kissing season opens this Saturday night
My girl's giving me another try
If she fights hard when she is caught
Hope she doesn't break the knot
Kissing season opens this Saturday night
My girl's giving me another try
When I finally get her in my net
I know that's a day she won't regret
Kissing season opens this Saturday night
My girl's giving me another try
Been catch and release for a long while now
I want to keep her just don't know how
© 2008 Daniel Meehan
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578 |
Hi Daniel,
Real good hook there IMO. Also some good lines
I don't think the hook's been used all that much
As far as the structure though, you don't seem to have a real C
You could call the opening line a refrain I guess but when the opening TWO lines are repeated all the time, I'd be afraid it'd be too repetitive and sound "sing-songy"
It might work in some genre's though. See what some others think
Worth some more work
WyMMMud
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411 |
Hi Daniel, I agree with Wyman that using those first two lines as often as you do is too much. I can't figure out the song form here. At first I thought it was AABABA, but it doesn't seem to be that. The words you use are clever and cute, but I think the form could be better. It's hard to distinguish verses from bridges or choruses. Have you noticed how many songs on this board lately have to do with fishing? It must be on everyone's mind!
Betty J. Holt
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461 |
Dan, is there such a season? you mean a guy hasta wait until the season comes along untill he can smooch? I bet there's gonna be revolt in that place or shortage of population growth lol
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