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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
I just had to get out of the city this morning
I woke up with a headache, it wouldn't go away
You know, those sirens sometimes drive me crazy
I drove out to Lebanon, I had to see some country
I thought about the way we were 20 Years Ago
I thought about our son, he's growing up
I wondered what happened to the love we used to know
I guess we used it all 20 Years Ago
I was in a daze, I got halfway to Knoxville
Before I turned that Nissan truck around
No, I didn't go by the old place
I had a liver and onions dinner over at Shoney's
I thought about the way we were 20 Years Ago
I thought about our son, he's growing up
I wondered what happened to the love we used to know
I guess we used it all 20 Years Ago
solo
I thought about the way we were 20 Years Ago
I thought about our son, he's growing up
I wondered what happened to the love we used to know
I guess we used it all 20 Years Ago
Jim Colyer ascap
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411 |
I thought this was interesting...I can't find the rhyme scheme in the verses, but it doesn't matter as much as you would think it does because it does have a certain flow about it. I didn't get the part about liver and onions at Shoney's, though? I feel like this needs another layer of something, but not sure what to suggest. I wish you well with it.
Betty J. Holt
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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OP
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Betty,
I really did have a liver and onions dinner, so I stuck it in there. Only nerds eat liver and onions.
Jim
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
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Hey Jim,
Slip some end rhymes in those verses and I'll get back with ya 
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411 |
I used to eat liver and onions all the time, Jim! Then somewhere along the line I learned about all the toxins in the liver and I lost my taste for it!
Betty J. Holt
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8 |
Liver and onions(Homer Simpson drizzles)Love them with mash potato's
Good story Jim
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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