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Folks I would appreciate your feedback on this, my second song post. Had an NSAI evaluator say that he liked the song but that no one under the age of 60 would understand the subject matter. Well, I am 52 and I wrote it so....

Thank you for listening.

https://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?genre=Country&songid=11485066&q=hi

Morganna
By Robert Hathcock © 2011
Verse:

I was only ‘bout eight years old
when my Daddy got his first wild hair
Always drivin’ down to Charlotte
Morganna was dancin’ there
Well him and Mama used to fight
dishes flyin’ by his ear
She’d yell but he would set and stare
‘cause Morganna was dancin’ there

Chorus:
My Daddy was a simple man
He worked his whole life at the mill
He’s been gone a few years now
But I love and miss him still
Some ol’ boys said we know a place
This girl’s got quite a pair
We’re headin’ down to the Cloud Nine
Morganna’s dancin’ there

Verse:
Well Daddy he finally settled down
Him and Mama did OK
He said Mama was in love with Elvis
So it was kinda the same thing
He became a big baseball fan when he was let go from the mill
I watched a game with him one night and Morganna was on the field

Chorus:
My Daddy was a simple man
He worked his whole life at the mill
He’s been gone a few years now
But I love and miss him still
Some ol’ boys said we know a place
This girl’s got quite a pair
We’re headin’ down to the Cloud Nine
‘cause Morganna’s dancin’ there

Bridge:
It ain’t always ‘bout being perfect
And worryin’ ‘bout the consequence
You just don’t never know when you’ve
Seen you’re last dance

Instrumental:

Verse:
My parents raised me and my brother to appreciate what we had
We’re both doin’ pretty good now I guess we didn’t turn out half bad
If we’d ‘ve been older then I’m sure we’d’ve set and stared
We’d’a been down at the Cloud Nine
‘Cause Morganna was dancin’ there

Chorus:
My Daddy was a simple man
He worked his whole life at the mill
He’s been gone a few years now
But I love and I miss him still
Some ol’ boys said we know a place
This girl’s got quite a pair
We’re headin’ down to the Cloud Nine
Morganna’s dancin’ there
We’re headin’ down to the Cloud Nine
Morganna’s dancin’ there
Come on down to the Cloud Nine
Morganna’s dancin’ there

Hey Rob. Welcome to JPF. Nice song and I don't like Country. Love the reference to Charlotte. I'm in Hickory, NC. What town do you hail from?

Stevie

Maybe I'm misunderstanding it but I got the subject matter of this one pretty loud and clear and I'm 27.

This wasn't my usual style of music but I liked the tune and the lyrics. And that was enough for me.

Stevie

After 20 years in Florida, I'm back in Concord, NC, living with my parents, so I've got that going for me. Was gone so long I didn't know about the Avett Brothers. Wow. Just drove through Hickory on my way to Asheville. Such beautiful country.

Ann

I apreciate those remarks. I am encouraged that a young person like you understands the premise if perhaps not the particular namesake of the title. And if you are familiar with the actual person then you empower me further. Thank you for listening and commenting.

Hi Robert,

Welcome to JPF!! I think your song sounds good. I don't know who Morganna is but that doesn't really matter to me. I love country music it's mostly what I try to write.

The only thing that jumped out at me is this;

We’re headin’ down to the Cloud Nine Having (the) in this line makes it sound a bit rushed and I don't think it's needed.

Dottie

Thank you for the feedback Dottie. Back in the day, the Cloud Nine was a "gentlemen's club" in Charlotte at which the title character, also known as "The Kissing Bandit", allegedly performed.

Thanks for listening.

Hi Rob. Let me just start out with what I thought was fantastic! You have a splendid rich voice or one hell of a good sound engineer--I suspect both! The mix between your guitar and vocals sounded excellent. The country song fits very well in with today's country as well. You have a good basic song structure with a good melody that captures the listener. Musically, I'm curious to see what you want to add to your mix. From what I'm hearing I'll tell you what I'd like to see you entertain: A live violin that arrives at the 1st chorus with the base guitar as well. I like your rhythm guitar starting the song and carrying it alone with the first vs with drums. The violin or I should say fiddle with a country song, can be as dominant as you want or just here and there--experiment. I would use an accustic guitar for some rifts or fiddle or both. I love "Steel Guitar," but I wouldn't use it on this song--it would make it too "classic country" which is not a bad thing, but to me it would change the feel of what I've heard thus far. Every artist has there own picture in their mind with their art--I'm not saying I know what's best, just giving you my thoughts as I feel your song.

Now my thoughts on your lyrics. This is where I would be more critcal from a "composition perspective. The phrases all fit well, (except for the line after Elvis, "It was kind of the same thing." I don't like that line; although it says what you wish to express, but it just sounds like your forgot the real line an ad-libed that line. You can find something better there. LET ME SAY THIS--THERE ARE FAMOUS SONGS BY FAMOUS ARTISTS WITH LYRICS THAT ARE SUB-PAR, their fans or their record labels won't care if they're selling millions of records and packing the concert arenas. Ok, as one trying to climb the ladder, you will be scrutinized technically more than the "big boys." We all know that country music wouldn't be cool if all of the grammar was precise and correct, right? I'm not talking about that, I write country music myself and leave off the (ing) in talk'n or walk'n because that's how country music should be. But one thing I do very much believe is--a song's lyric structure from a compostion perspective does matter. I would recommend you trying to keep your subject matter within a verse or chorus more closely connected. Ex: Your chorus within the first four lines tells the listener about dad being a simple man that worked hard at the mill, has since died, we miss him. (let the verses tell the main story) The same chorus's ending four lines discuss the girl with big jugs and the boys are headed to "Cloud Nine." You need the second group of lines or something that works with "Morgana's dancing there." But they don't connect with the first four lines composition-wise. It's like having two subjects within one paragraph. Think of song verses as chapters in your story--they all need to relate. You can bring different sub-topics into your song as long as they connect fairly directly. We songwriters unlike novelists only have about 4 minutes of discussion to tell our story. Let your verses each have their own subject and tell the story, let the chorus dramatize and emphasize the story's main theme. Let the Bridge digress, yet relate and make a statement.

Sorry for such a long critique, the bottom line is I'm envious of your voice. I am really impressed and would be happy to help you with composition structure should you ever want that--or you can just tell me to go fly a kite, and that is cool too.

Very nice song, steady-eddie.

Great guitar, perfect vocals ... amazing write
Dan

I know who Morganna is (ha, ha). Good playing and singing -- sure sounds good to me. Good story telling, too.

I love this song and treatment.
So much that I had to look her up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW2UsUZ40tU
Vic

Folks thank you for the feedback but I suspect I have committed a serious faux pas by failing to mention that this is a demo produced by Gator Hole Studios with Jeff Carson on vocals. I stated that on my first post, "More Than Infinity" with Dusty Drake, but neglected to do so here. I am simply the writer.

Having said that, I appreciate your input, particularly the time taken by E Swartz. Those are all good recommendations and I am taking them to heart.

Thanks Dan, Kevin I knew you'd know who she is (ha)and Vic, that's the response I hoped to get from those who didn't.

robhat--

I'm hooked on your style and the story line--you need a UNIQUE INTRO RIFF--that says this is MORGANNA (MUSICALLY)--when you hear the riff--"HEY THAT'S THAT MORGANNA SONG--so many country songs that made it--HAVE A UNIQUE KICK OFF--ATTENTION…..ATTENTION……...

GOOD WORK!

Mackie

Thank you Mackie and I sincerely respect your input. I agree that the intro could be taken up a notch or two but otherwise I am really encouraged that you like the style and story line.