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Hi,
Would love your feedback on these lyrics. Thank you!


"He Ain't No Competition"

Written by Shayne N. Edson

Intro:

He ain't, he ain't, he ain't no competition
He ain't, he ain't, he ain't no competition

Verse 1:

I know your heart's been broke in a million places
You feel like a horse that's been put through it's paces
Gettin' hit on by losers, no good skirt chasers
What makes you assume he's different to the others
When he sends you flowers, your heart misses a beat
You be thinkin' he's legit cos he's actin' sweet
But you ain't seen Mr lady's man on the street
This time the best man wins, this player I'll defeat

Chorus:

He ain't, he ain't, he ain't no competition
No, he don't stand a chance, cos you're my mission
He ain't, he ain't, he ain't no competition
I'm right here to fix your lonely condition
He ain't, he ain't, he ain't no competition
He ain't, he ain't, he ain't no competition

Verse 2:

The lines he be spinnin' are straight outta a book
Practice makes perfect, yeah, you've fallen for the hook
How many others has he given that same look
He's addin' yours to mountains of hearts that he's took
I understand that you don't wanna believe me
You wanna catch me out for lyin', to not see
Keep your rose coloured glasses, cos it just can't be
Facts are girl, I'm the one who'll set your torn heart free

Chorus

Bridge:

Cos we're like chalk & cheese, oh yeah
Got more class in my head of hair
Then he'll ever have anywhere
I make the rules to win your heart
He don't stand a chance, so let's start

Chorus x 2

Thanks again!

You spent most of the song tearing down the "opponent", but really not much on trying to build yourself up -- why would this girl want you? Is it just beacuse the other person is so bad? I think that makes the song a little too negative. It's my opinion that this guy will never win that girl with this approach.

You seem to want your rhyme scheme to be AAAA BBBB, but in verse 1 you slipped a "others" in there.

I think you are trying to put too many "good lines" in there, instead you need to concentrate on a cohesive story first. When you have lots of "lines", then it sort of becomes like a big cliche.

Make any sense?