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Female country song I working on not sure which chorus to go with..slight difference but could make it or break it.Thanks


i'm not a picture you can frame
i'm not a doll that you can name
i'm not the Rolex that you flash
i'm not the girl you call last
i'm not a prize to be claimed
and honey sure aint my name
i'm a hell of a lot more than you can see
i'm damn straight country
i'm damn straight country

Or


i'm not a picture you can frame
i'm not a doll that you can name
i'm not the Rolex that you flash
i'm not the girl you call last
i'm not a prize you can claim
and honey sure aint my name
i'm a hell of a lot more than you can see
i'm damn straight country
i'm damn straight
i'm damn straight country

Hey I have a tough time choosing a chorus when I can't see the rest of the lyric that it is up against....

But....just singing them both in my head as a female attitude chorus....I'd go with the second one.

Country lyrics are my thing....and that chorus hits me the hardest.

Hope that helped some....but let me read the rest of the lyric sometime.

Jan

HiYa Podner!

Yep, Version 2...&...ya can eliminate the "can" from "can see" & it'll sing-smoother, JMO.

Good Luck with it...has great 'Tude.

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi,

I vote chorus two! Nice work.:)K

Janice and Stan are two excellent barometers for all things lyrical...the publisher in me says it makes it that much tougher to get through to a top level artist when there's any kind of curse word in a lyric...it's been done but shot down way more than it's been done...best of luck puttin' it all together...mj

You have good advice above.

I think the "I'm country" theme is very tired - those songs sound to me like singers who sound like 80s rockers trying to convince country fans that this is in fact country music.

Having said that I guess Bridgette Tatum's song She's Country is a good benchmark (recorded by Jason Aldean). Her lyrics are more colorful than your chorus. Your chorus says what she is not and then states that she is country, but the two seem disconnected. Why does damn straight country mean that she is not a picture you can frame? Maybe the verses explain that.

I don't know whether you should include the extra line in chorus 2. It depends on the music and whether it makes musical sense.

Colin

I agree on a few things 1. That Jan and Stan are both lyrical gods and always have good advice. 2. Moker makes a good point if you were trying to get your songs to settle well with publishers I feel, however take a look at just about any country album today and there's usually at least two songs that have a curse word in them. I suppose that would really depend on if you were trying to get it to a specific artist and which artist it was. 3. I would go with the second chorus as well. 4. I agree with Colin I love the lines you used in your chorus but feel the her being country has nothing to do with any of those JMO. Might want to consider stashing that chorus away for another stronger hook perhaps. I'd have to see the rest of lyric I guess. Thanks for sharing hope you polish this one into a gem.

Let me add that the curse word actually did catch my attention but that getting it to a female artist especially might be a little difficult unless you were good friends with Gretchen or an artist of her nature and attitude. If you want to keep it in there might consider adding to the chorus like im a hell of a lot more than you can see , to pick me up you'll have to walk not talk a pretty good line ..and that's damn straight

of course I might even do away with the hell if you're gonna use damn already don't want it sounding like it's a scream off between two angry folks or like you just pulled your head out of a toilet =).

Hmmmm...Just thinking out loud. After denying you're a toy, an object or possession you brand yourself in the chorus as a cliche - "damn straight country." It almost seems contrived for commercial purposes. But maybe it works since this is a defiant, in-your-face song. Good luck with it.