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This is a very personal song...which made it harder to write and post. However, I figure you folks can help me massage it to its best form possible. Not sure about the title or the bridge, specifically, but all comments and ideas are appreciated. Thanks

Roses In The Snow
© 2001 Lyrics by Bobbie Gallup ASCAP

She was taken from him too soon
When she was far too young
He learned what it meant to feel helpless
When she left him with two small sons
He couldn't stop the progression
He could barely stop her tears
He just held her close and kissed her
As he tried to ease her fears.

I met him a few years later
Running from my own brand of pain
The hurts I carried seemed so heavy
I thought I had nothing left to gain
We talked and shared our stories
I was filled with awe and respect
He'd endured such loss and suffering
But his smile and his warmth were intact

CHORUS:
He was my lesson in love
He showed me the way
To get everything I could
From very hour of every day
He came into my life
When I needed to believe
When I needed to remember
How to still give and not just grieve/receive
No matter how difficult the burden
That there'll always be some way
To find the roses in the snow
To find the best in every day

Life is like the most fragile of flowers
With lovely blooms that cannot remain
Petals can be scattered with the breeze
In an instant a life can be changed
His courage touched my soul for a lifetime
His gentleness made me strong
He showed me a reason to keep looking ahead
And gave me love for which I had longed.

BRIDGE:
He showed me so much in such a brief time
He'd found answers for life's toughest demands
Showed me that even when we can't see the reasons
Sharing love can help us all understand

CHORUS: Repeat

Hi Bobbie, my first thought was that this seemed a little poetic for a lyric, but since you told us it is a very personal story, I can see that this is how it must be written. In the first verse, by moving the second four lines to the beginning of the verse puts things more into the right order - that he held her til she died, not that she died and then he held her and I think it still reads fine. The chorus is really good - only nit here is that since "Roses in the Snow" is the title, it would work better as the last line.

No matter how difficult the burden
(He taught me how to know)(not good, you'll do better)
To find the best in every day
To find the roses in the snow

Just my very humble opinion. Cheers.

Hi Bobbie.....what a beautiful story. Just a quick read-through now, but I like "receive" better than grieve...not that she wasn't grieving her own loss of love, but that she learned that giving helps to heal...not just receiving sympathy. Don't know if that makes sense. The chorus is terrific. Verse 1...I had a little trouble with the word "progression"....don't have a better idea, though. Title is great! Keep it! That's just a quick take....beautiful song.

Hi Bobbie...I read and re-read this... the
thoughts are very beautiful......
In the chorus:
I think I would use receive rather than grieve because of the rhythm..of that line.
..Where you have very..prob.meant every
i'm assuming...

and I would use something like the first four lines
of the last verse as the bridge...only
because it offers something totally different
than what's being said throughout. ..I kinda thought the bridge was re-stating what had been said earlier...I loved the title. don't know enough about title placements to comment.
There was a lot of meaning in it...Kaley

Bobbie, very personal indeed. And very beautifully expressed. I liked the line, "...his smile and his warmth were intact." Makes him someone to truly admire given what he'd been through.

Loved the title too. Made me think of another song, "...in the Snow."

Just a couple thoughts to consider: In the second verse, you write

"I met him a few years later
Running from my own brand of pain."

Obviously HE wasn't running from your own brand of pain, which is how it reads grammatically. Might want to insert the word WHILE in front of RUNNING so your modifier doesn't dangle (grin).

In the same verse, line 4, it reads more smoothly (to me) to leave out the word LEFT and simply say, "...nothing to gain."

In the chorus, I felt that RECEIVE was the appropriate word choice, and (again, just the way I read it) leave out the word STILL. Didn't seem to be needed.

These are just minor observations on my part. Truly a nice piece of writing.

Greg

Bobbie, the sentiment in this is wonderful.
I agree with the choice of receive. It fits the thought better I think. I started tinkering with the rhythm in the first verse. But my hands are cold . I have to stop and build a fire first. Will get back to you in a while.

Hi Bobbie
dont really wanna comment on anything personal. But did want you to know I read it thought it was a beautiful story. I love the title.
Keith

Well Bobbie, you asked for a massage. Hope it's not too deep. But I had some ideas to smooth out the first verse. Didn't want to go any farther than that. Don't want to appear too heavy handed.

She was taken from him too soon
When she was far too young
He learned the feel of helplessness
When left with two small sons
He couldn't stop the advance
He could barely stop her tears
He just held her close and kissed her
As he tried to ease her fears.

for what it's worth....

------------------
Harriet

Hey folks!

Thanks so much to each of you for the time to read and offer your ideas and suggestions. They were all very helpful. Even though this is a very personal song for me...I posted it BECAUSE I do want those ideas from you to help make it even better...and I GOT them! Thank you all so much. I took your idea for switching the lines of the first verse, Judy. That works for me. Here is a rewrite on the chorus portion to put roses in the last line:
No matter how heavy the burden
His heart showed the way long ago
To find the best in every day
To find the roses in the snow

Sunny, I used the word 'progression' to allude to (but not say directly) a progressive illness that could not be cured..which in this case was an inoperable brain tumor. I don't know if 'progression' works or not lyrically, but I thought/hoped most folks would get the illness connection. I may be wrong there.

Kaley, you were right..I missed the 'e' on every. Thanks for spotting that one. I had totally missed it. Even spell check lets ya down when it is a real word! Drat!

Gosh, Greg..I HATE it when my modifiers dangle!! EEEEUUUWWW!! You would think I'd KNOW better!!! ;-) Gotta get 'em holdin' on to something!! Not sure about taking out the word 'still', however. Seems to change the meaning there. I will keep looking at it though.

Harriet...those are great suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to do the massage. HELPS a lot!!

Sure do appreciate each of your comments. Thanks again!

Bobbie

Thought you might want to see the rewrite..so far. May still change. On another board, someone told me that white roses symbolize that one's mother has passed away..and red that the mother is living. I liked that idea and added it to the title, because white roses would be harder to find in the snow. Let me know if these changes meet with your approval. Thanks..
Bobbie

White Roses In The Snow
© 2001 Lyrics by Bobbie Gallup ASCAP

He couldn't stop the progression
He could barely stop her tears
He just held her close and kissed her
As he tried to ease her fears
She was taken from him too soon
When she was far too young
He learned what it meant to feel helpless
Left alone with two small sons

I met him a few years later
While running from my own brand of pain
The hurts I carried seemed so heavy
I thought I had nothing to gain
We talked and shared our stories
I was filled with awe and respect
He'd endured such loss and suffering
But his smile and his warmth were intact

CHORUS:
He was my lesson in love
He showed me the way
To get everything I could
From every hour of every day
He came into my life
When I needed to believe
When I needed to remember
How to give, not just receive
No matter how heavy the burden
His heart showed the way long ago
To find the best in every day
To find white roses in the snow

BRIDGE:
Life is like the most fragile of flowers
With lovely blooms that cannot remain
A breeze can scatter the petals
In an instant a life can be changed

He gave me so much in such a brief time
He'd found answers for life's toughest demands
Showed me though we can't see the reasons
Sharing love can help us all understand
His courage touched my soul for a lifetime
His gentleness made me strong
He showed me a reason to keep looking ahead
Gave me the love for which I had longed.

CHORUS: Repeat

Way to go Bobbie, looking good.

Beautiful Bobbie. You convey the lessons and emotions of this experience well - the words touch the heart...that is a sure sign of suggest for a songwriter...at least in my opinion.
Just an FYI...from a spiritual perspective, when you recieve a white rose it is an offering of love/peace from the other side.(Take that as a sign) So the white rose is the perfect choice to be found on the snow.
Peace
Joanne

Hi Bobbie,
Oooh..isn't it amazing what a little re-arranging can do? Excellent work on the re-write. It's much tighter. The 'white roses' is an inspired substitute....kudo's to whoever thought of it...really clinches this one in m.o. All in all this is a beautiful tribute to this man.

Success...NOT suggest....It's a sure sign of SUCCESS for a songwriter.

Simply Beautiful. With the right music, this could be sooooo good. We all need to sit and talk to this man now and then.

------------------
Harriet

Lookin Real Good, Bobbie..first class act
in my opinion...white roses ....LOVE IT.....

KK

Thanks for taking another look at this one. It feels much better to me also. Had that "new song" feeling before...like I knew it needed some solid tweaking but I needed to get away from it for a bit and let other eyes find the nits. I DO appreciate your time and great ideas.

Bobbie

hello bobbie,
the rewrite is just great.i can relate to
this.i haven't been getting involved much
latley due to having both hands operated on
but i still read most everything you post.
you're writing some good stuff.

kenny

Howdy, Kenny!

You have been missed! I am so sorry to hear about your hands. That has surely slowed things down for you! Hope the operation was a success and that you are soon writing and posting your own work again. Sure good to see you here again. Thanks for your kind comments!

Bobbie

Hi Bobbie. Read your re-write. Loved it, I hope this is the man you are spending your life with, sounds like a great man. I always heard that if a man gave your white roses it meant eternal love (where red roses are like a sexual love). And though Ididn;t reply on the orginal take of this song - I liked the word grieve instead of receive - they have totally different meanings and based on the first part of the song - I think teh singer had been grieving before meeting this man. That's it, like all the rest said, this is a beautiful song

Hi Denise,

I wish I could tell you that I am still with this incredible man...but the Master Plan only gave us 4 years together before he was in a serious accident that claimed the life of his younger son and left him in a coma for 3 years before he, also passed away. I do not regret one moment of our time together, however. This is the first time I have attempted to write a song for him...but I am sure he knows. We had, for those 4 years, what most folks never have in their lifetime...and he is the reason I know what love is really supposed to be about.

Bobbie...Just wanted to say you are in my
thoughts...and Wy, you too.

Kaley

Thank you, Wyman and Kaley...

For caring and taking time to let me know. Who knows why certain people come into our lives..but some are there as they say, for a season and for a reason. Wy, I am glad you were able to have more time than I. I am sure however, that when it is right, time is never enough.

Bobbie