ANYTHING is AWESOME let me know what you think about this one. Thank you for taking your time to read it.

Let Me Sleep Forever

V1

I'll stay off my feet
'til I feel I need to be
Aware of whats in front of me
Right now Im running on sleep
Conjuring pleasant dreams
I don't wanna leave
Flying low solo
Over a souls sea
This is where I want to be
A black hole reality
Where I can do what I please
No reason to receive
Closed eyes I fly
open mind set free

C1

Let me sleep forever
That worlds made better
Let me sleep forever
In an everlasting love letter

V2

I'll build a big scene
A backyard eternity
Better then the big screen
I'm running on empty
Twice as much energy
I can hear a silent beep
Complications complete
Following a certain beat
Started as a soft creak
Turned to a big crash dream smashed
Bad timing to remind me
Its time to receive
Open eyes I drive
closed mind blinding

B1

Just press snooze
beep beep beep beep
Repeat
beep beep beep beep

C1

Let me sleep forever
That worlds made better
Let me sleep forever
In a never ending love letter




I wrote it to kinda following JayZ's On to the next one but it would be much diffrent just thats how it played out in my head..


ANY IDEAS!! THOUGHTS!!

I'd love to stay in some of my dreams too, damn it, the alarm has brought me out of alot of great dreams that i'd rather be in than real life....great write Aaron....

glyn

It was once said that many of Bob Dylan's songs came from his dream. Golly, I can't even remember the majority of mince once I am awake. Ups and downs are the theme of life, and nowhere is that more true than I reading each other's song lyrics.

Peace,
Brian

G'Morning Bro Aaron!

When I first saw your hook, I assumed it was gonna be a song about suicide. Greatly-relieved that it wasn't...(Tho look what the Manson Family got outta "Helter-Skelter", eh?)

That concern aside, hey, this is pretty Good Stuff, Amigo.

Lines I Liked a Lot: "A black hole reality".."A backyard eternity"/"Better than the big screen"..& that fine Hooky-Couplet that defines this song.

I wish ya good luck on this Really Interesting Write, "Well-Done" Amigo..& I'll pray no kids mis-interpret your intentions here.

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hey Glyn
Thank you for reading and even more for commenting can always count on the encouragement

Brian
Thanx for pointing out that not everyone rememebers their dreams. maybe I will try to write something that would incorporate daydreaming as well and find a new B but it would be a toughy

Stan
Its always a pleasure receiving a comment from you. I agree I don't ever want to write a suicide song that just leaves the power of suggestion to the listener and I dont want that. Am I gettin better? lol Lets hope us kids go to work haha

Anyone else wanna share a comments, concerns, suggies?

Hi Aaron,

I think youre coming along better than you think!

My only suggestion below;
I think the chorus is good but needs to be stonger, the last line needs some thought..try to detract from bad thoughts...as mentioned by others.

Let me sleep forever
That worlds made better
Let me sleep forever
In an everlasting love letter sug (not be woken by whatever?)or (And wake to be whomever -----I want to be)or whoever...
Hope it helps, good write. :)K

Hey Katz

I agree with a stronger C for sure cuz as it sits now it better have an awesome music hook. I like the suggies and I will think of something when it comes time. Thank you for reading and more importantly commenting!

Hi, Aaron!

Good writing here... the verses are really nice, lots of creativity in them!

I agree with Stan.. the title made me think it was going to be about death, and I was pleasantly surprised that is wasn't.

Also, as Katziis said, the Chorus needs strengthened, and you might want to re-think the title... I just wander if you'll be able to escape having the audience think of death if you keep this hook, no matter what else you do with the Chorus. So, I think the deepest challenge you have is with the hook in-particular.

Maybe try something like:

GIMME A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP
THEN, SNOOZE-CONTROL FOR 10 MORE HOURS
GIMME A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP
THEN, WHILE AWAKE, I'LL GO FULL-POWER

Just an idea, feel free to keep, trim, or sweep!

Keep at it, it'll be a good one!

--Jen

Thanx everyone with the input comments have been marked on orginal copy and I will work that out eventually thank you thank you thank you cheers

some cool dreams happen when ya smoke a big fatty before crashing [so i've been told].Just remebering them is the thing.Ya got some cool lines in this one,hopefully the music marries nice with it.