Hey guys wrote this one some time ago...once again looking forward to your feedback.



DEEP INSIDE

V1
The very first time I ever met you
You were so deep inside of me
Both of us growing in harmony
You were pushing out in front of me

CHORUS
Feelings so deep inside of me
Giving birth to a love for all eternity
Feeling all that life surging inside of me
Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me

V2
Taking me on a one way journey
Turning back was not my philosophy
Creeping up all over me
Was this awesome feeling

CHORUS
Feelings so deep inside of me
Giving birth to a love for all eternity
Feeling all that life surging inside of me
Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me

BRIDGE
Starting our evolving journey together
Learning together about each other
Connected to each other for all eternity
Starting from deep inside of me

CHORUS
Feelings so deep inside of me
Giving birth to a love for all eternity
Feeling all that life surging inside of me
Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me

V1
The very first time I ever met you
You were so deep inside of me
Both of us growing in harmony
You were pushing out in front of me

CHORUS
Feelings so deep inside of me
Giving birth to a love for all eternity
Feeling all that life surging inside of me
Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me

(c) 2012 Shirley Dwyer

Hi Shirl
I think maybe too many "me's" here.They are in all the verses chorus and bridge too.
I think and it's simply my opinion, that a rewrite would be best done introducing and exploring other word endings to fit in.
Best of luck with it
Travis

Hey Travis

Thanks for the feedback, very much appreciated. Wish you could have given me some examples to use. Disappointed, as I struggled finding any other words as the song is about me.

On a brighter note I don't hold the record for the use of the word me ; check this one out:

Chris Isaak - Talk To Me Lyrics
Artist: Chris Isaak

Songwriters: Bob Mosley

Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me
Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me
Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me
Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me

Talk to me, talk to me
Talk to me like you're the only girl
Talk to me in this whole wide world
Talk to me like you're the only one
Talk to me tell me what has love done

Imagine a boy
Imagine a girl
Imagine the hearts
That are broken by the world
Don't pass me by like a stranger
Don't shackle love there's no danger
Don't leave me here, all alone
Oh ho ho, talk to me, talk to me
Talk, talk

Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me
Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me
Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me
Talk to me, tell me that you love me
And that you'll never leave me

Don't pass me by like a stranger
Don't shackle love there's no danger
Don't leave me here, all alone
So alone, I'm alone, ohh ho
Talk to me, talk to me
Talk, talk

Imagine a boy
Imagine a girl
Imagine the hearts
That are broken by the world
Talk, talk, talk, talk
Talk to me
Darlin' talk to me

If you can come up with something that fits the story I will be very appreciative. Once again thank you for your feedback.

Cheers
Shirl

When I'm stuck for rhymes or near rhymes Shirl I Google "Words that rhyme with -" and you'll get a list of ideas.
Travis

SHRIL--

A GOOD FREE RHYMING DICTIONARY:

http://www.rhymer.com/RhymingDictionary/me.html

I typed in ME

KEEP WRITING!

Mackie