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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 39
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 39 |
Hey guys wrote this one some time ago...once again looking forward to your feedback.
DEEP INSIDE
V1 The very first time I ever met you You were so deep inside of me Both of us growing in harmony You were pushing out in front of me
CHORUS Feelings so deep inside of me Giving birth to a love for all eternity Feeling all that life surging inside of me Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me
V2 Taking me on a one way journey Turning back was not my philosophy Creeping up all over me Was this awesome feeling
CHORUS Feelings so deep inside of me Giving birth to a love for all eternity Feeling all that life surging inside of me Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me
BRIDGE Starting our evolving journey together Learning together about each other Connected to each other for all eternity Starting from deep inside of me
CHORUS Feelings so deep inside of me Giving birth to a love for all eternity Feeling all that life surging inside of me Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me
V1 The very first time I ever met you You were so deep inside of me Both of us growing in harmony You were pushing out in front of me
CHORUS Feelings so deep inside of me Giving birth to a love for all eternity Feeling all that life surging inside of me Moving to the dance of life so deep inside of me
(c) 2012 Shirley Dwyer
It's never too late to try something new.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Shirl I think maybe too many "me's" here.They are in all the verses chorus and bridge too. I think and it's simply my opinion, that a rewrite would be best done introducing and exploring other word endings to fit in. Best of luck with it Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 39
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 39 |
Hey Travis Thanks for the feedback, very much appreciated. Wish you could have given me some examples to use. Disappointed, as I struggled finding any other words as the song is about me. On a brighter note I don't hold the record for the use of the word me ; check this one out: Chris Isaak - Talk To Me Lyrics Artist: Chris Isaak Songwriters: Bob Mosley Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, talk to me Talk to me like you're the only girl Talk to me in this whole wide world Talk to me like you're the only one Talk to me tell me what has love done Imagine a boy Imagine a girl Imagine the hearts That are broken by the world Don't pass me by like a stranger Don't shackle love there's no danger Don't leave me here, all alone Oh ho ho, talk to me, talk to me Talk, talk Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Talk to me, tell me that you love me And that you'll never leave me Don't pass me by like a stranger Don't shackle love there's no danger Don't leave me here, all alone So alone, I'm alone, ohh ho Talk to me, talk to me Talk, talk Imagine a boy Imagine a girl Imagine the hearts That are broken by the world Talk, talk, talk, talk Talk to me Darlin' talk to me If you can come up with something that fits the story I will be very appreciative. Once again thank you for your feedback. Cheers Shirl
It's never too late to try something new.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
When I'm stuck for rhymes or near rhymes Shirl I Google "Words that rhyme with -" and you'll get a list of ideas. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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