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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Rob B. - 04/21/24 08:40 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 03:22 PM
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Joined: May 2006
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I've done another rough worktape with one of buddy Joe Ryan's lyrics... http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11537215Something I Can't Do A cold December rain beating on my back door Wind howling like a stray dog in the night I pour myself another glass of loneliness Make believe that I can drink things right I know you're out there chasing rainbows Searching for the love we once knew Before these demons stole away my freedom And chained me to a life without you I remember Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shoreline as The sun drops out of sight Promising forever I'd be there for you But now it seems forever Is just something I can’t do I swore to you that I could win this battle Another week or two and I'll be fine We can spend some time up in the mountains honey I can get things straight here in my mind. Time and time again I left you waiting A few more drinks to help me ease this pain Come home with a pocket full of stories And you're alone and crying once again I remember Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shoreline as The sun drops out of sight Promising forever I'd be there for you But now it seems forever Is just something I can’t do Always knew that someday you'de be leaving Guess I never realized the cost The pleasure that I found inside that bottle Can't replace the love that I have lost Ah Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shoreline as The sun drops out of sight Promising forever I'd be there for you But now it seems forever Is just something I can’t do Yeah it seems forever Is just something I can't do (C) Joe Ryan 2012/ All Right Reserved
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Hey Moker,
Man, I've missed hearing you on the mp3 forum. I really like this. Sounds great for a "worktape." Except for the ending it sounds pretty complete to me. As for the ending (the musical tag), I'd consider ending it at the 3 minute mark as it's a bit redundant after that and will make it even tighter. Just my opinion but you know I'm always right, haha.
Seriously, it's good to hear from you again. Don't be such a stranger.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Stevie B, thanks for the listen and comments...I'm trying to "Make" time to get on here more...of course you are right about the 3 minute mark...I kinda suck on editing and fade outs...ha...see ya around here...moker
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Hi Moker and Joe, Well first I can see why you wanted to work with this lyric, it's very good! I really love this song and don't see much I'd change. There are a couple of spots the words sound a tad rushed. Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shore line as This line and the next sound a little rushed. Maybe just dropping line of of shore will fix that if.
The sun drops out of sight
Promising forever
I'd be there for you
But now it seems forever
Is just something I can’t do
Time and time again I left you waiting
A few more drinks to help me ease this pain [color:#CC33CC]I think you need to drop a syllable or two off of this line.Come home with a pocket full of stories And you're alone and crying once again That's it! I think the rest of it sounds great!  Dottie
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this is a dang good 'un Moker!Your vocals here sound a bit like Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy to me,pretty awesome.
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Hi Dottie, Thanks a bunch for the listen and comments...I'll refer Joe to here on the lyric and as far as delivery goes, well that's probably all onme with a lack of preparation, I wrote the music and had this recorded in about 2 hours so where I am unpolished on delivery, or rushed, I agree there needs some attention paid to that at some point...personally, the way I write when I get cranked up and doing quite a bit of it, I can get more songs done if I don't get bogged down on perfection at this stage...and I do appreciate folks pointing out the things they notice that's why I post them here and elsewhere...perfection is the goal, that's at the next level, or the one after the next level for my process.. Thanks again for the time and all...cute baby, how old now? be well...Moker
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Hey Moker, Great demo, vocal and music! Lyrics are also good, but there are a couple of places I'd tighten it, keep or sweep Too many times I left you waiting A few more drinks to help me ease this pain Come home with a pocket full of stories And you're alone and crying once again
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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I've done another rough worktape with one of buddy Joe Ryan's lyrics... http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11537215Something I Can't Do A cold December rain beating on my back door Wind howling like a stray dog in the night I pour myself another glass of loneliness Make believe that I can drink things right I know you're out there chasing rainbows Searching for the love we once knew Before these demons stole away my freedom And chained me to a life without you I remember Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shoreline as The sun drops out of sight Promising forever I'd be there for you But now it seems forever Is just something I can’t do I swore to you that I could win this battle Another week or two and I'll be fine We can spend some time up in the mountains honey I can get things straight here in my mind. Time and time again I left you waiting A few more drinks to help me ease this pain Come home with a pocket full of stories And you're alone and crying once again I remember Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shoreline as The sun drops out of sight Promising forever I'd be there for you But now it seems forever Is just something I can’t do Always knew that someday you'de be leaving Guess I never realized the cost The pleasure that I found inside that bottle Can't replace the love that I have lost Ah Kisses in the morning Lovin every night Walking by the shoreline as The sun drops out of sight Promising forever I'd be there for you But now it seems forever Is just something I can’t do Yeah it seems forever Is just something I can't do (C) Joe Ryan 2012/ All Right Reserved Sounds a little like Bruce-goes-to-Florida to me...and that's not a bad thing, The only real nits to pick are with the lyrics. The word just is totally unnecessary in the last line in the chorus. (I'm not one of those "never use the word just in a song" guys, but in this case, I'd say don't use it.) This part of the song... "I swore to you that I could win this battle Another week or two and I'll be fine We can spend some time up in the mountains honey I can get things straight here in my mind." ...has some issues with tense. Other than that...good stuff.
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Michael, thanks bro...now you got me playing Jailbreak and The Boys are back in Town!
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Thumbs up to Joe on the chorus... sweet.
I think you've done an excellent job on the initial take, Moker.
A nice groove and cool vocals.
I couldn't agree with you more about being bogged down in the details when a good idea pops into your head.
You got to get it while the gettin's good.
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Shayne, thanks for listening and for your suggestions. I'll point Joe here for the lyric...there's much to tighten up musically and delivery wise, and editing...ha. Time to do it would be nice, gotta work today...see ya around here...mj
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All seems good to me, Moker, apart from this bit
"Searching for the love we once knew".
Imho isn't the best line.
You could try
"I know you're out there chasing rainbows
And here's me trying to drown the bitter truth
That these demons stole away my freedom
And chained me to a life without you"
KOS as they say.
I can imagine Dylan or Springsteen singing this song.
Good stuff.
Vic
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Kurt, thanks for the listen and suggestions...hope all is well in your world bro...moker
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MOKE--
IT HAS A GREAT LAID BACK VIBE--I LOVE THE MUSIC ARRANGEMENT--SOUNDS LIKE A TEQUILA DRINKING SONG TO ME!
WRITE AND PLAY ON YOUALL--
Mackie
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Nelson, thanks for the spin and comments bro...yeah gettin it while the gettin's good seems to apply to more things the older I get!! Rock on...mj
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Some great lyrics in there, as well as lots of nice guitar lines! Love the whole deal, sounds like a Don Henley song, maybe with a little Beach Boy vibe blended in.. good stuff!
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Good sounding song, Moker. The music could easily be a Trop-Rock song but the lyrics would have to be changed to be more happy to fit that genre.
Good luck with it.
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Very nice, indeed. I'd say more a mix of Don Henley and Jimmy Buffet though.
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Magne- thanks for the listen and kind words...my cover band that does classic rock-"Lucky Stiff" is working up a classic Eagles tune "Those Shoes"- something that sounds simple in fact is not...that's what makes it so damn good...ha.
Colin- I felt the same way right after I recorded this- the Buffet in my soul came out a little too much for this lyric...have to rewrite it someday...thanks again...hope you are well.
HoboSage- nice to meet you and thanks for the listen and comment- truly if I could sing like Henley and get away with what Buffet has over the years I would be grinnin' all the time!
see you guys around here...mj
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Vic- If I could just get Dylan or Bruce to listen to one of my tunes I'd be happy!
Mackie- thanks for listenin- started the blues song about Hoss Man but got called away before I could get very far...atleast I have a 16 track session open for it- that's half the battle- kinda busy for a week or two but I'll get back to it...stay cool. ...mj
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it does make me want a margarita...
nice song, nice mood
thanks
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Holly, Having a Margarita seems quite appropriate this time of year! The character in the song would strongly agree I'm sure!! Thanks for the listen...be well. Moker
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