JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 The Flames Of Passion

Hi folks good to see your all up and running.
I posted this just as the old board went down,don't know wheather it got on it or not.All comments welcome.Have a nice day cody.


The Flames Of Passion

I said your gonna drive me crazy
she said you ain't got far to go
she was as cold as the northwind
and it was twenty five below
I said,close the door on your way out dear
no doubt,you'll cool down a bit
by the time you shovel out the car
think I'll help'your full of it

V2
she said she'd rather,live in hell
than spend another day with me
I never gave her a glance
as I tossed her the key
was a moment of silence
as she turned to walk away
oh how I hate you
was all I heard her say


CH
sometimes I sit and wonder
what happened to our love
there's only one thing
that I can think of
we took our love for granted
and never even tried
without the flames of passion
the love we once had,died

V3
I started to miss her
in spite of how things been
thought that maybe we
could fan the flames,of love again
when I walked through the doorway
at her place of work
first thing she said
was there comes the jerk

Bridge

I stopped into see her
to wish her all the best
she told me to go to right straight to
well you know the rest

Ch
sometimes I sit and wonder
what happened to our love
there's only one thing
that I can think of
we took our love for granted
and never even tried
without the flames of passion
the love we once had died

Morning!
Good to breath JPfolks air once more! Ha!

Cody, I like this one a lot. The visuals are everywhere. And, I love them. Your story telling is; at least to me exactly how this type of scenario would unfold right down to the shoveling the snow. And, though both persons are obviously very upset you never labeled either bad or good.

Your weakness? Imo, your chorus could be a tad stronger. The very last line caused a stumble. But, I realize that your melody may allow for a pause. One more thing; imo your chorus seems a tad generic to compete with the good verses that you have established. Plus I never saw any demonstration or example of the passion that you are/were alluding too.

Good luck!
Ron

Hi Ron,thanks for the read and your right there is a pause,between had and died.Will take another look at chourse.To me there was not any passion envolved,thats what I was trying to get across,that love alone is not
strong enough to make a relationship work.Thanks again for your input,will ponder
on the chourse abit.
regards cody

hi ya Cody
As a singer and songwriter,mostly
gospel I find these kind of songs a touchy and hard situation to talk about even though
I know that people go through this everyday. I agree with Ron on the first part, I find your lines very catchy. I think that is what sells songs today. All the best, keep writing! Loni-Jo

Hi Loni-Jo,thanks for stopping in,I was going
to look in on your writings,but never noticed
any posted so far.Have a nice day.
regards cody

Goes along prety good Cody.
I would keep him telling what she said rather than have him oarriting her sort of thing.
Replace the she said you etc with she said I, and so on.
Reading it needed "you are" to make it clear and listening, I am sure it would go better as a straight told thing.
I liked the rumble at her work place but felt it pulled up short of being a real puller.
Regards.
Graham

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http://artists3.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Morning Graham
Thanks for the read,I'll take what you said into consideration.The lyrics seem to
move along pretty good.I sing em to my dog,
if he likes them he howels lol,or maybe its
the other way around I'm not sure.Like I
said I appreciate the reads,and thanks again.
regards cody

Cody: I'll agree with the rest - good imagery, here. Really puts you in the snow and the 25 below (of course, I live in MN, so that's easy for me to envision ). What style of music are you thinking of for this? My main concern with this song is that mood of the verses seems to clash with the mood of the chorus. The verses are almost funny and definitely angry. The chorus is kind of soft and thoughtful. They don't mesh well together, IMO. Also, the verses are SO angry that it makes it hard to believe that he'd even be pondering what happened, much less missing her. If this were my song (which, of course, it's not ), I'd rethink that chorus, try to come up with something that matches the feel of your verses better. JMO. Hope it helps.

Ricki

hi Cody: I read the title and was confused by the first verse, then the second, which have nothing to do with flames of passion, if anything, the icicles of hate..so there is a contradiction, to me in this. The title leads me to believe I'm going to hear a song about a hot love. I also feel having the singer referred to a "jerk" is hardly going to help you find an artist to do this..Bad image. /Glen

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"The process of learning is often more important than what is being learned"
-----The Kat----
Glen King
Music Domains For Sale.
http://www.musicdomains.cc

Hi Rickigirl
Hoped you stop by,been watching your
reply on peoples lyrics.Toss a couple ideas
my way.I'll look them over.Been looking your
lyrics over,I really liked "It's All Over
But The Crying.In answer to your question as
to what style it would be,it's really quite
simple,when your looking at me.Your looking
at country.
regards cody

Hi Glen
Thanks for the read,I first called this I"d rather be in hell,but rewrote it.
There seems to be a fine line in writing lyrics,but you have to be careful not to
cross it.When we think we've stopped learning
were in for a big let down.When we think we know it all,we've stopped learning.
regards cody