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No, not personal.


"I Just Wish That She Was You"-Copyright M.Healey 2018

Oh I know who this is on
And I've never disagreed
I made a choice and I confessed
You can't hide when you're a cheat
I can't forget the sound of silence
The way her eyes closed in defeat

I'm sure I asked forgiveness
It all seems kind of vague
I remember every tear
How each sizzled on my face
Until I found somebody new
I just wish that she was you

I just wish that she was you
I know I shouldn't yet I do
I thought my life was perfect
Then I went off my head
What could've been
Should've been
But it isn't dead
Feel so guilty feel a fool
I just wish that she was you

Any man would want her
She's as nice as nice can be
I know how fortunate I am
How it ought to bring me peace
And I love her that's the truth
I just wish that she was you

When you give away your love
You should keep to just one heart
Need a clean up in the memory aisle
One day soon I'm gonna start
She deserves a man that's true
I just wish that she was you

I just wish that she was you
I know I shouldn't yet I do
I thought my life was perfect
Then I went off my head
What could've been
Should've been
But it isn't dead
Feel so guilty feel a fool
I just wish that she was you

I just wish that she was you
I just wish that she was you
I just wish that she was you

Hey Mike try this rearrangement...??????

Any man would want her
She's as nice as nice can be
I know how fortunate I am
How it ought to bring me peace
And I love her that's the truth
I just wish that she was you

Oh I know who this is on
And I've never disagreed
I made a choice and I confessed
You can't hide when you're a cheat
I can't forget the sound of silence
The way her eyes closed in defeat

I just wish that she was you
I know I shouldn't yet I do
I thought my life was perfect
Then I went off my head
What could've been
Should've been
But it isn't dead
Feel so guilty feel a fool
I just wish that she was you

I'm sure I asked forgiveness
It all seems kind of vague
I remember every tear
How each sizzled on my face
Until I found somebody new
I just wish that she was you

When you give away your love
You should keep to just one heart
Need a clean up in the memory aisle
One day soon I'm gonna start
She deserves a man that's true
I just wish that she was you

I just wish that she was you
I know I shouldn't yet I do
I thought my life was perfect
Then I went off my head
What could've been
Should've been
But it isn't dead
Feel so guilty feel a fool
I just wish that she was you

I just wish that she was you
I just wish that she was you
I just wish that she was you

Also check the personal pronouns here

Oh I know who this is on
And I've never disagreed
I made a choice and I confessed
Couldn't hide I was a cheat
I can't forget the sound of silence
The way her (your) eyes closed in defeat

Thanks Neil. I always consider suggestions and appreciate them. The first verse is a setup for the rest, including not using the same rhyme scheme/last line as the others.
Thanks again!
-Mike

your tune LOL

"your tune"
Yes, but I appreciate your input Neil, thanks again!
-Mike

Hi Mike:

I like the story-line and the general direction the lyric is heading. It's an old story, song-wise but there is a "market" for "Cheating Songs" and this one has real potential. I won't attempt to offer suggestions, you are already an accomplished writer (that is obvious) and time plus elbow grease will eventually whip this one into shape. I don't know if you are also a melody writer... but before you make anything "iron-clad"... at least consider the impact of the melody and how it may force changes to the phrases or words.

When genre comes to mind... "Country" or "Bluegrass" would be easy choices but genre is also a thing to consider in the writing style for the lyric... but you already knew that.

I had a little time on my hands this morning and noticed you had a lyric somewhere, navigated to L-3 and there it was. Best of luck with this one. I will do my best to revisit this thread soon but I have two songs "in the oven" right now and can't stray too far while the creative juices are flowing through my ancient veins! LOL!

Regards, ----Dave

Yes I write music-recording it is a lot slower process.

Great post Dave-thanks so much!
P.S. Good luck with your "baking"

It all looks right, Mike.
The proof will be when it's put to music. Then the beast will be released. (hmmm! Not a bad idea for a song.)

Vic

Always appreciate you commenting Vic, thank you!

"Then the beast will be released"
I don't think a day goes by when I don't read/hear a line that would work in a song.
I've got hundreds of them in the PC and on little scraps of paper that my wife is always telling me to sort. LOL
Thanks again!
-Mike

Hi Mike:

Knowing that you do melodies as well as lyrics is a big relief to me. I also agree at the difficulty recording sometimes presents. It's a bit strange... sometimes a complete song will seem to "fall into place on all fronts" with absolute ease... then others require hours and hours of work, tweaking, re-recording (sometimes temporarily putting aside... or even scrapping) and it can be fun, not so much fun... or downright discouraging! LOL!

I too, keep a little box of one-line notes to remind me of a possible title or a candidate subject or theme for a new song... or something to save an old song from the scrap heap.

Can't wait to hear the finished product.

Regards, ----Dave

Id watch the rhyming for sake of rhyming
cheat, Defeat, like those lines are there just so u can rhyme at the end. Eyes closing in defeat? Or in disgust or disbelief.,,,?

In other words, say what you want to say, then look for a rhyme

How do tears "sizzle" down your face? Cold tears are more spot on.

It's also wordy, no images that i can see

weak lines:
shes as nice as can be


filler info:
When you give away your love
You should keep to just one heart
Need a clean up in the memory aisle
One day soon I'm gonna start
She deserves a man that's true
I just wish that she was you

If your going to do all this, why do you still wish it was you?
Your not being true if your telling the other person you wish it was her

True would be...i dont want her, i want you

Worth working on, but not there yet. Keep writing!

I'm always open to criticism; when I can understand it, it becomes more useful.
The first verse is a setup for the rest of the song. (He confesses) Every second line rhymes. They said what I wanted to, and they rhyme.
Disbelief or disgust could have worked, so does defeat. Each person reacts in their own way.
Why would "cold" tears be better? When you're embarrassed, face goes red and hot. Tears sizzle? Poetic license.
The whole premise of the lyric is that he should have moved on, he's being unfair to his new lady, but he can't help loving the one he cheated on.
It's an immature and hurtful attitude he's displaying.

I appreciate you taking the time to weigh in, you gave me lots to think about.
-Mike

I understood what the song was about, just some of the words and lines seem contrived and weak.

Sizzling tears, just doesnt sound accurate, whether or not it physiologically fits the bill. But whatever is helpful to you is the point

Thanks again!
-Mike

Mike sizzle implies hurt...I get it

Thanks again Neil!

9ne,

I generally concur with most above in that this is a strong start, and what little nits may or may not reveal themselves as they are put to song will work themselves out. It's a good idea, good write, executed well--and good starts lead to good songs. Nicely done!

All the best,

Deej

Very nice comments!
Thanks Deej!
-Mike

I liked Dave's comments Mike always there to offer great advice and encoragement.
Good story long but well thought through.
Look forward to your music..
Anything else i would have combebted on has been covered
Cheers
Travis

Thanks Travis! I'm not concerned with editing a lyric to fit the music. It always seems to happen. Hopefully this one finds it's place.

Thanks again!
-Mike