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Here is an amusing article from RS Mag.
The 17 most jaw-droppingly terrible lyrics of 2013 Whether outright offensive or just plain dumb, these songs featured truly regrettable word choice
There’s something special about hearing a truly terrible lyric — that rhyme or verse that makes you stop everything to bask in its glory. Listening to Madonna’s rap from “American Life” or parsing Train lyrics is like witnessing a moment in history, when the universe came together to create something that truly sucks. Luckily, 2013 was a banner year for terrible songwriting, one in which some seriously boneheaded lyrics from Robin Thicke (amazingly) weren’t even the worst thing that came out.
You’d better start getting your [naughty word removed] together now, 2014. Here are 17 lyrics you’ll have to work overtime to top, the best of this year’s worst.
1. “To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main/I hope you understand/When I put on that t-shirt, the only thing I meant to say is I’m a Skynyrd fan” – LL Cool J and Brad Paisley, “Accidental Racist”
Almost every lyric from “Accidental Racist” could form its own worst list, but this dizzying doozy takes the cake. Paisley apparently thinks that a shirt is the real problem here. (Hint: It’s the oppression, stupid.) These aren’t just the worst lyrics of 2013. They might be the worst ever.
2. “What rhymes with ‘hug me’?” — Robin Thicke, “Blurred Lines”
Many things, Robin. Many things. Options include “mug me,” “drug me,” “plug me” and the highly appropriate “slug me.” “Pug me” also works, but I don’t know what that would entail.
3. “Put Molly all in her champagne/She ain’t even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that/She ain’t even know it.” — Rick Ross, Rocko’s “U.O.E.N.O.”
Say what you will about Robin Thicke and his rather legendary douchebaggery, but at least he wasn’t openly advocating drugging your girlfriend to date rape her.
4. “Cause I understand you/We see eye-to-eye/Like a double rainbow in the sky/And wherever you go, so will I/Cause a double rainbow is hard to find.” — Katy Perry, “Double Rainbow”
Is Katy Perry aware that rainbows don’t have eyes?
5. “I walk a mile in your shoes/And now I’m a mile away/And I’ve got your shoes.” — Kings of Leon, “Comeback Story”
I feel like Kings of Leon was attempting to be funny with this nonsensical lyric from the newest record,“Mechanical Bull.” The problem is that Kings of Leon isn’t funny.
6. “I wanna have your baby/Gotta have you like crazy/And iron your shirts.” — Geri Halliwell, “Half of Me” advertisement
In Australia, this song — the former Spice Girl’s comeback single — sold a staggeringly low 393 copies in its first week of sales. You can see why. Halliwell isn’t just stuck in 1997. She’s in 1957.
7. “I got plaques on my walls/You got gingivitis” / “We were down in Paree, keepin’ it Eiffelin’/You was at home, keepin’ it triflin’.” — 2 Chainz, Tyga’s “Hijack”
I can’t tell if these are some of the worst lyrics of the year or the best. Behold the gift to humanity that is 2 Chainz.
8. “Can’t you see it’s we who own the night/Can’t you see it we who ’bout that life.” — Miley Cyrus, “We Can’t Stop”
Rihanna reportedly turned down this song before Miley picked it up, as the young singer was interested in a more “urban” sound. With lyrics as painfully awkward and practically unsingable as these, I think Rihanna made the right choice.
9. “Get me broccoli/While I play Monopoly.” — Patrice Wilson, Alison Gold’s “Chinese Food”
“Chinese Food” is one of the worst songs of this or any year, and this rap from Ark Music Factory “hitmaker” Patrice Wilson is easily its lowest point. Patrice Wilson knows not what rhyming is.
10. “Oh baby/It’s amazing I’m in this maze with you/I just can’t crack your code.” — Justin Timberlake, Jay-Z’s “Holy Grail”
On top of some seriously Avril Lavignesque metaphors going on here, Justin Timberlake sounds like his love life is a Dan Brown novel — which is just about the least sexy thing I’ve ever heard.
11. “Mercury, Venus, ha ha!/Uranus!/Don’t you know my ass is famous?” — Lady Gaga, “Venus”
Lady Gaga proudly claims songwriting credits on all of her music. Judging from “Venus,” which sounds like it was written on an elementary school bathroom stall, this isn’t something to brag about.
12. “I tried carrying the weight of the world/But I only have two hands” / “Life’s a game made for everyone/And love is the prize.” — Avicii, “Don’t Wake Me Up”
If this were composed in a Lisa Frank notebook, it would be the deepest sh*t that 5-year old girl ever dreamed up.
13. “Eatin’ Asian pussy/All I need was sweet and sour sauce.” — Kanye West, “I’m In It”
On top of being awkwardly racist, this just sounds a) like bad sex and b) unsanitary. Condiments take too much clean-up work.
14. “She killed me with that coochie-coochie-coo.” — Justin Timberlake, “TKO”
Between “Holy Grail” and this, Justin Timberlake had a busy year making romance sound really unattractive. Does his beloved have vagina dentata? I feel like I should call a hotline to report something.
15. “So why you acting like you’re tough/But now I thought you’d had enough/Don’t you get tired of being rude/Aww, come and give me a hug, dude.” — Jessie J, “It’s My Party”
This year, Jessie J proved that if your crappy lyrics don’t rhyme, just throw the word “dude” at the end of the sentence. That’ll fix everything.
16. “It’s a beautiful night/We’re looking for something dumb to do/Hey baby/I think I wanna marry you.” — Bruno Mars, “Marry You”
This song is from the Britney Spears school of engagement, where marriage is what you do when you’re bored. Who would dance to this song at their wedding? Because that’s definitely the message you want to send the person you’re spending your life with: “Hey baby, marrying you was dumb.”
17. “Look up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane/Nah, it’s just me.” — Pitbull, “Timber”
This might be the most disappointing statement of the year. Can you imagine looking up into the sky, hoping to see Superman in flight, and seeing Pitbull instead? At that point, you should just move.
Nico Lang is a contributor at the L.A. Times, Huffington Post and Thought Catalog as well as the co-editor of BOYS, an anthology series featuring the stories of gay, queer and trans* men. Lang's debut novel, "The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses," was released earlier this year.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Joined: Jan 2005
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so glad you didn't mention mine!
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Well I could draw a couple of arguable conclusions. One is that lyrics don't matter much. The other is that a lot of people in our society think it is cool to be stupid and embrace this crap knowing that it is awful.
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Joined: Jun 2007
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In the words of the immortal Ben Grimm, o/k/a the Thing,
"We're in deep doo-doo!"
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,535 Likes: 29
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Big Jim wears a big smile Says it's been this way awhile Says he's now been vindicated His opinion's syndicated He's made it clearly understood Nothing new is any good So if your list is the winning sample His point is proven by example
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Joined: Jul 2009
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What I find ironic is that almost everyone mentioned above are the biggest names in the industry. Not sure if THEY were singled out OR if there is ,in fact a correlation between the CELEBRITY and their POPULARITY (ego) and crappy, self-indulgent lyrics.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Joined: Sep 2006
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When you are that famous you can be crappily self indulgent.... If you think its terrible don't listen to it... I actually like that line in no 5... it is kinda funny... Maybe that's an idea for the challenge board, who can write the most offensively crappy lyric... though number 3 would be hard to beat... Happy new year every one....
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Joined: Jul 2005
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You forgot to mention ANYTHING by Luke Bryan. "My speakers going boom boom by the light of the full moon". Or "Country girl shake it for me girl, shake it for me girl, shake it for me.
bc
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Joined: Feb 2007
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I think Wake Me up When it's all over by avicii (#12 on the list) is one of the best songs of the year.
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Kevin,
I AGREE 100 % !!!!
....and ez to play, too.
Bm G D D Feeling my way through the darkness
Bm G D D Guided by a beating heart
Bm G D D I can’t tell where the journey will end
Bm G D D But I know where it starts
Bm G D D They tell me I’m too young to understand
Bm G D D They say I’m caught up in a dream
Bm G D D Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Bm G D D Well that’s fine by me
Bm G D A So wake me up when it’s all over
Bm G D A When I’m wiser and I’m older
Bm G D A All this time I was finding myself
Bm G D A And I didn’t know I was lost
Bm G D A So wake me up when it’s all over
Bm G D A When I’m wiser and I’m older
Bm G D A All this time I was finding myself
Bm G D A And I didn’t know I was lost
I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
And I don’t have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is a prize
So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost
So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I (didn’t know I, didn’t know I)
Last edited by Bluesriff; 01/04/14 10:09 PM.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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