JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 the fool in the mirror

Sorry to post twice in quick succession, but I wrote something else very quickly that I wanted to show as well. There is a video here : http://youtu.be/OI_xLQ1AD-4

the fool in the mirror

i don't really know him all that well
most the time I wish he'd shuffle off and go burn in hell
all the trouble and the worry casting shadows on my day-- I think it is a tiny bit crowded lyrically and maybe drop the go?
are from that fool in the mirror- I feel it would flow nicer to say the fool in the mirror instead of that...the use of that makes it cut off so suddenly..jmho
making bets that i can't pay maybe say placing bets I can't pay? leave out that again...and use placing, to me it makes it stick out more..but cool verse...and nice voice too!!

trouble trouble trouble I'm in deep
i'm tired to the bone but i ain't got time to sleep
my phone is ringing ringing ringing off the hook
that fool owes money everywhere--maybe this fool? or the fool if you want to keep yourself 3rd person...
and he's hiding like a crook

i saw him at the bar on saturday night= maybe leave off the ON...and just say I saw him at the bar Saturday night?
he was talking up the girls and he got bloodied in a fight
spending all the money i don't got
it's that fool in the mirror
who's put me in this spot

he's boorish impulsive and suspect
he's every flaw in character I refuse to accept
he's everything i work and strive not to be
but that fool in the mirror is me
the fool in the mirror is me- I think in this bridge perhaps if you started it on a different note to make it stand out more would be nice...and maybe not sing it in the same cadance to make it stand out more..but nice lyric.

and i hope it makes a difference he's not what i want to be
but that fool in the mirror's still me--
that fool in the mirror is me