Hey Kevin and Ken,
I agree with the rhyme issues.

I like the music and the overall meaning of the song, but [color:#FF0000]1:18 is too long for me to wait for the hook line. I believe you could tighten the music to get there quicker. This would also reduce the overall length of the song. Nearly 5 minutes can work for an artist-written song, but outside writers should keep it between three and four.[/color]

“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard

Co-writing = Compromise!