Hey switch, Welcome to the board.
It works pretty good as poetry. You've got some good thoughts and good lines.
Doesn't work as good as a song.
Ordinarily the lines that rhyme in one verse. rhyme in all verses.
The verses are usually all sung to the same melody and due to an extreme difference in line length and syllables, that would be hard to do here.
Nevertheless, you have good thoughts although very much on the serious, even "dark" side. There's a place for that too though somewhat limited.
It might help as far as structure, rhyming, etc to look at some of the songs posted by folks with several hundred or a few thousand posts. (Probably mostly on board 3.)
You have talent but at present your stuff is more poetry
That's all just my opinion .
Write on
Wy