Nat, from the music point of view I agree with Nigel's comments about the drumming, with Colin's remark with regard to the vocal monotone (though I expect your male vocalist will give the song his own flavour) and with the suggestion to pitch it with male vocals.
Like Rob, I'd also prefer more variation, and agree too that the theme might not be of interest to a pop market. I could certainly see it being of interest elsewhere, though.

I feel the lyrics are fine. wink (As Caroline mentioned, one could nit-pick a bit, but when the words are sung, everything falls into place.) The lines read well, and the tension and unhappiness being felt by both characters comes through clearly.

All in all, it's a simply stated but quite strong little number.

All the best with it. wink

DM

Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend