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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,535 Likes: 29
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,535 Likes: 29 |
Clear enough now, but still neeeds polishing methinks. Put it to music and listen to make it glow. Particlarly, there's a real good flow to lines one and two, then line three is jagged, and the rhymes are kinda trite ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) Then the second part feels a tad poetic...(well the first line anyways) needs to be more conversational methinks. Nothing wrong with the rest though. V2 is pretty solid... Ciao
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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