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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 5,247 Likes: 23
Top 50 Poster
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 5,247 Likes: 23 |
Yeah, it's generally a no-no to change point of view in a song, let alone change it from first line of chorus to second line.
And it probably should be the kid narrating it, or the man starting right out telling the story to the kid.
It's not even clear there was any war, or even what war it might have been.
I'm sure you can shape it up into a good song. Good start.
Last edited by Fdemetrio; 07/14/20 11:26 AM.
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