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#984813 11/21/12 01:50 AM
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Hi to All

Stan, and I would really appreciate any feed back on our new Penned song, YIPEE, we are very excited about this Unique title, that stands out all by itself. whistle

Stan, I've been waiting, waiting, and I couldn't wait any longer. grin You're brilliant to co-write with, thanks Mate! smile Check out the last Chorus, and let me know Stan, if it needs tweaking, or any others here. Thanks a bunch, we can't wait to Rodney puts the music together for this one. Wow. smile

Hugs Michele

"YOU’RE the HOOK in my SONG!" love

(VERSE)
I Love..A Catchy Melody
I Love some Harmony..
Your Buzz...Lasts Me All-Night-Long!
I Hear..Wonderful Words that Come-to-Me
It Feels Like My Destiny..When...
YOU'RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG...

(VERSE)
I Believe Our Love's a Certainty
Feels Like It'll Always-Be
I Feel.. Deep-Emotions run through me SO-Strong!
Gotta Write It Rapidly
I Hear..The Sweetest Tune in History..'Cuz..
YOU'RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG...

(CHORUS)
Every Time I Sit Down To
Pen Another Song You
Inspire Me So I Can't..Go Wrong
Lyrics Fill with Special Meaning
Whenever You Set My Heart Beating
After I've Penned It,
The LOVE SINGS ON...When
YOU'RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG..

(INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE)

(CHORUS)
I'm not Fond of Writing Sad-Ones
I Dread Singing a Bad-One
But THIS ONE, BABY'S, COMIN' ON STRONG!!!
Every Line is Filled With Love
'Cuz You're The One I'm Thinkin' Of
It's Short-&-Sweet, Barely 3-Minutes-Long...

(OUTRO CHORUS)

Yeah.............

Baby’ YOU’RE MY HOOK
Here in this song, LOOK
Walking (Standing) (Right) BESIDE You, MMM...BABY, We BELONG
I filled up every line with love
‘Cuz You’re the Hook I'm thinkin' of
Now that I’ve written it, SING-ALONG...Cuz....
YOU’RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG


(c) 2012 by Michele Howlett/Stan Good/Rodney Auld

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 11/22/12 09:28 AM.
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Bump, back later, gotta pick up my daughter from school.

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I love the first verse, it really sets up what can be a great tune. I see some very catchy pop melody that makes this a happy, driving tune.

Lyrically, verse 2 doesn't go anywhere -- I'd re-write that one. Chorus # 2 is on the weak side, too. I would can it and just repeat chorus #1 (chorus #2 reads like a bridge).

Why the question marks in the outro chorus?

Overall great start, but needs some re-writing in my opinion.


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
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Hi Kevin

Thanks for your feedback, and I agree I felt Chorus 2 does feel like a bridge for me too, so I'm pleased you felt the same. I've been waiting for my partner in Crime, Stan, hopefully he'll be back on the boards soon. Maybe I should of been patient, and discussed with him first hah, eek. eek

Yes I love the first verse to, it does set it up nicely. Yep that's Stan, and we will look at verse 2 & Chorus 2 also, thank you, we appreciate your honesty. We will keep tweaking it. Also I'm sure Rodney will add his special personal touches too, he's very good at that.

As to the ???? Yep that's me, one of my line's, I wasn't sure about it, thought I'd see what others thought. I edited in the Pm I sent you of other idea's on (Outro Chorus).

Yep I can hear this as a real Country Pop tune! Catchy! smile

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 11/21/12 10:06 AM.
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Hey Michelle and Stan,
When I critique lyrics, I look for things that are not necessary
to the meaning of the lyric or repeated words that can be strengthened.
Stan knows I'm big on condensing.
Tweaks/comments below, keep or sweep smile


YOU'RE the HOOK in MY SONG! (Before I became a songwriter, I had never heard the term "hook" as a repetitive part of a song that reels you in. So I wonder...will this "hook" appeal to the average public who are not songwriters?)

(VERSE)
I Love..A Catchy Melody
I Love some Harmony..
Your Buzz...Lasts Me All-Night-Long!(Not needed for the meaning, only for the rhyme)
I Hear..Wonderful Words that Come-to-Me
It Must be My Destiny..When...
YOU'RE THE HOOK IN MY SONG...

(VERSE)
I Believe Our Love's a Certainty
Feels Like It'll Always-Be
I Feel.. Deep-Emotions run through me SO-Strong!
Gotta Write It Rapidly
I Hear..The Sweetest Tune in History..'Cuz..
YOU'RE THE HOOK IN MY SONG...






“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard

Co-writing = Compromise!


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Hi R.Shayne

Thanks so much for your suggestions. We appreciate all input. When I can catch up with Stan, we will go over all suggestions. smile

As to the HOOK, I talked about the song I was working on here with others, and I told them the title of the song, and when I said to them, do you get it, they said No, I said, ok, tell me one of your favourite songs you listen to, and one of them started singing a song, and I said, that line you started singing, songwriters call that the HOOK, and they all went Oh that is so clever Michele. So yep, now they know what the Hook is in a song. It's a cute and fun way to teach the listener what a Hook is in a song. love When I was just a listener, I didn't know either. Maybe we can look at explaining that in a cute way in a bridge hey. You got me thinking.

Thanks, now I do have to go to bed.

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 11/21/12 11:11 AM.
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Nope, I can't sleep! Eek, the pleasure's of songwriting.

Back tomorrow night, I've got a very busy day.

Hugs Michele


(OUTRO CHORUS)
Baby’ YOU’RE MY HOOK
Here in this song, LOOK
Into my EYE's... MMM...BABY, We sure BELONG
In the Verses and Chorus, words of Love????
‘Cuz You’re The One, I’m crazy Of
Now that I’ve written it, SING-ALONG...Cuz...
YOU’RE THE HOOK IN MY SONG

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 11/22/12 03:42 AM.
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G'Mornin' Mz M!

Shayne always has GREAT Sugs...&, I'll leave it up to You to KOS 'Em... (Don't shoot me, I'm only the CoWriter..heh-heh!)

I'm in-favor of keeping-it-simple..think Rodney's Guitar would be better than a Sung-Bridge..but again, this is Your Song/I'm the Backup Man here, & when You're Happy with the Finished Product, I'm Happy!

I've re-penned The CHORUS this AM...
See if it works better/KOS too!

Every Time I Sit Down To
Pen Another Song You
Inspire Me..So I Can't..Go Wrong...
Lyrics Fill with Tender Meaning
Whenever You Set My Heart Beating
& After I've Penned-It..
The LOVE..SINGS..ON...
When YOU'RE THE HOOK..IN MY SONG

KOS, M'LadyChum!!! We're gettin'-there!

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

PS: I'll admit, "Hook" IS a wee-bitta SongwriterSpeak... But, I first heard The Term about 30 Years Ago...think a Majority of The Listeners HAVE heard of that term By Now. Even if they Haven't, I think this'n's Catchy-Enough that those who Don't Know could instantly Google It these days & Find-Out.

Last edited by "Tampa Stan" Good; 11/21/12 03:28 PM.
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I see you two are flying. smile

I'd suggest not using the hook in the verses. Give the listeners' ears something fresh and new in the chorus (where you could have it at the beginning and the end). Sometimes 'less is more'. wink

I'm with Kevin re V2. Suggest rewriting that. Maybe in V1 have the guy a songwriter who hadn't been able to find real inspiration until he met the girl. Then V2 could be about the girl, and the things she does to inspire him. That would carry the story forward. Just a random thought. wink

Also suggest keeping the chorus the same throughout. This will make for a punchier, simpler tune, and easier for people to sing along to.

Suggest having the first chorus after V1; don't keep folks waiting.
Your structure could be V/Ch/V/Ch/Br (maybe instrumental)/Ch.

Anyway, KOS. smile

Carry on.

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




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I think anyone who doesn't know what the hook is should figure it out from the context. I don't see the need for an explanation.

On the other hand, if they have been living under a rock long enough to not get it, even the explanation may not be enough.

I couldn't understand a single word to this Blues Traveler song "Hook" until I looked up the lyrics but I always liked it. I like it better now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arUpcpRR568

Hook lyrics

It doesn't matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that I'll convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But I've said nothing so far
And I can keep it up as long as it takes
And it don't matter who you are
If I'm doing my job, it's your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I don't mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow?
Was that the hook brings you back
I ain't telling you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin
to see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I can't keep these feelings on the shelf
I tried, well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities to the ground
I've found I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
That's really all this was
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck because
The hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely


An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
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Hi Michele,

It's really great to see someone so excited about their work, I love that.
In regards to the song, if you have to explain what your song is about then you are not effectively communicating with your listening audience.

If you are not communicating clearly, then you are creating confusion and distracting from your song, which of course defeats the whole idea of creating one in the first place.

Even if you were to change your bridge to explain what the "Hook" is, it's already too late because the bridge is near the end of the song.

No doubt this could be a fun song for "Songwriters" familiar with the word,if that's your target audience then you're home free:)
One possible way to avoid this problem would be for a very famous Singer Songwriter, who is as famous for writing his songs as he is for Singing them, say Barry Manilow or Marvin Hamlisch
Then, it might work better because they're "Known" for both being a Singer and Songwriter:)
But even then, most Singer-Songwriters write their own "Hooks":)

Hope this helps a bit.-Dana

All the best on it:)-Dana




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Hi Stan

I'm so pleased your back on the boards, and I replaced the chorus in the original post.

I believe the listener will catch on to the "You're the HOOK in My SONG". I did speak to Rodney about it today, Yep, Rodney will nail the music for this, no doubt in my mind. whistle Rodney is looking forward to working on this, and so am I. I know from experience, lyrics do change at times when producing, those final touches, that brings it all together. smile

We will wait and see what others say Stan, and go from their. When Rodney does start the music for this, then we will tweak it, and take into consideration what others have mentioned too.

Yes I agree in keeping it simple, Bouncy, Catchy, that no doubt by the end of the song, the listener will get it hey. smile

Originally Posted by "Tampa Stan" Good
G'Mornin' Mz M!

Shayne always has GREAT Sugs...&, I'll leave it up to You to KOS 'Em... (Don't shoot me, I'm only the CoWriter..heh-heh!)

I'm in-favor of keeping-it-simple..think Rodney's Guitar would be better than a Sung-Bridge..but again, this is Your Song/I'm the Backup Man here, & when You're Happy with the Finished Product, I'm Happy!

I've re-penned The CHORUS this AM...
See if it works better/KOS too!

Every Time I Sit Down To
Pen Another Song You
Inspire Me..So I Can't..Go Wrong...
Lyrics Fill with Tender Meaning
Whenever You Set My Heart Beating
& After I've Penned-It..
The LOVE..SINGS..ON...
When YOU'RE THE HOOK..IN MY SONG

KOS, M'LadyChum!!! We're gettin'-there!

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

PS: I'll admit, "Hook" IS a wee-bitta SongwriterSpeak... But, I first heard The Term about 30 Years Ago...think a Majority of The Listeners HAVE heard of that term By Now. Even if they Haven't, I think this'n's Catchy-Enough that those who Don't Know could instantly Google It these days & Find-Out.

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Hi Donna,

Back in a while, golly gosh, I'm way too busy. Gotta go do some grocery shopping, eek and when I get back I'll edit this post and reply back. smile

Thanks, Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
I see you two are flying. smile

I'd suggest not using the hook in the verses. Give the listeners' ears something fresh and new in the chorus. Sometimes 'less is more'. wink

I'm with Kevin re V2. Suggest rewriting that. Maybe in V1 have the guy a songwriter who hadn't been able to find real inspiration until he met the girl. Then V2 could be about the girl, and the things she does to inspire him. That would carry the story forward. Just a random thought. wink

Also suggest keeping the chorus the same throughout. This will make for a punchier, simpler tune, and easier for people to sing along to.

Suggest having the first chorus after V1; don't keep folks waiting.
Your structure could be V/Ch/V/Ch/Br (maybe instrumental)/Ch.

Anyway, KOS. smile

Carry on.

Donna

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 11/22/12 04:28 AM.
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Hi Donna

I have thought about what you've said, and I did think about it when you suggested VCVCBC and it could be done. Stan and I are gonna sit on it, see what others suggest also, and when Rodney starts writing the music for it, we will take a look at what you have said, and others here. Your feedback is important, so thanks heaps, and a special thanks for always being so supportive. smile

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
I see you two are flying. smile

I'd suggest not using the hook in the verses. Give the listeners' ears something fresh and new in the chorus. Sometimes 'less is more'. wink

I'm with Kevin re V2. Suggest rewriting that. Maybe in V1 have the guy a songwriter who hadn't been able to find real inspiration until he met the girl. Then V2 could be about the girl, and the things she does to inspire him. That would carry the story forward. Just a random thought. wink

Also suggest keeping the chorus the same throughout. This will make for a punchier, simpler tune, and easier for people to sing along to.

Suggest having the first chorus after V1; don't keep folks waiting.
Your structure could be V/Ch/V/Ch/Br (maybe instrumental)/Ch.

Anyway, KOS. smile

Carry on.

Donna

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Hi Taggy

Thanks for showing me the song, so yep, their is a song written with "hook" in it.

I agree too regarding the bridge, yes they'll figure it out, no doubt in my mind.

We still have some work to do on this song, and it's in the making.

We appreciate you takin' a look at it, and your input. smile

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by Taggy Lee
I think anyone who doesn't know what the hook is should figure it out from the context. I don't see the need for an explanation.

On the other hand, if they have been living under a rock long enough to not get it, even the explanation may not be enough.

I couldn't understand a single word to this Blues Traveler song "Hook" until I looked up the lyrics but I always liked it. I like it better now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arUpcpRR568

Hook lyrics

It doesn't matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that I'll convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But I've said nothing so far
And I can keep it up as long as it takes
And it don't matter who you are
If I'm doing my job, it's your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I don't mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow?
Was that the hook brings you back
I ain't telling you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin
to see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I can't keep these feelings on the shelf
I tried, well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities to the ground
I've found I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
That's really all this was
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck because
The hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely

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Hi Dana

Back tomorrow some time, I'm workin' my butt off, eek so busy. I also done a lot of posting on others here, and I'm now exhausted. sleep

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by Dayson
Hi Michele,

It's really great to see someone so excited about their work, I love that.
In regards to the song, if you have to explain what your song is about then you are not effectively communicating with your listening audience.

If you are not communicating clearly, then you are creating confusion and distracting from your song, which of course defeats the whole idea of creating one in the first place.

Even if you were to change your bridge to explain what the "Hook" is, it's already too late because the bridge is near the end of the song.

No doubt this could be a fun song for "Songwriters" familiar with the word,if that's your target audience then you're home free:)
One possible way to avoid this problem would be for a very famous Singer Songwriter, who is as famous for writing his songs as he is for Singing them, say Barry Manilow or Marvin Hamlisch
Then, it might work better because they're "Known" for both being a Singer and Songwriter:)
But even then, most Singer-Songwriters write their own "Hooks":)

Hope this helps a bit.-Dana

All the best on it:)-Dana




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Hi Michele,

I think anyone should be able to figure out what a hook is by reading the lines in the verses and chorus!

By the way,
I used that honeymoon phrase in a bridge
and I think it helps show the girls emotion.
Thanks!!!!
Geneva

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Hi Geneva

Thanks, I agree, yes they should be able to figure it out. We are going to work on this more, and bring it to an amazing song. I believe in Stan, and Rodney, we will nail this song, no doubt.

I can hear this song, just gotta give it everything we got, it's unique, and when it's produced, no one will ever forget it.

It's great that you've taken on some advice from a learner who's learning, laugh goodluck with that Ubute song! grin

Ok off to get some rest, I'm so tired. crazy

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by nightengale
Hi Michele,

I think anyone should be able to figure out what a hook is by reading the lines in the verses and chorus!

By the way,
I used that honeymoon phrase in a bridge
and I think it helps show the girls emotion.
Thanks!!!!
Geneva

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"YOU’RE the HOOK in my SONG!"

(VERSE)
I Love..A Catchy Melody
I Love some Harmony..
Your Buzz...Lasts Me All-Night-Long!
I Hear..Wonderful Words that Come-to-Me
It Feels Like My Destiny..When...
YOU'RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG...

(I'd start talking about your love interest right away
(I'd avoid using the title in the verse, save itb& it's rhymes for the chorus
( a great study song might be this one
( http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/michael_buble/everything.html
( in the verses, show me why he's the hook in your song
(it could be a song for songwriters, does the average ignorant listener
Who's half listening & half cares even know what a song hook is

(VERSE)
I Believe Our Love's a Certainty
Feels Like It'll Always-Be
I Feel.. Deep-Emotions run through me SO-Strong!
Gotta Write It Rapidly
I Hear..The Sweetest Tune in History..'Cuz..
YOU'RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG...

(CHORUS)
Every Time I Sit Down To
Pen Another Song
You Inspire Me So I Can't..Go Wrong
Lyrics Fill with Special Meaning
Whenever You Set My Heart Beating
After I've Penned It,
The LOVE SINGS ON...When
YOU'RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG..

(INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE)
(no 2nd verse?

(CHORUS)
I'm not Fond of Writing Sad-Ones
I Dread Singing a Bad-One
But THIS ONE, BABY'S, COMIN' ON STRONG!!!
Every Line is Filled With Love
'Cuz You're The One I'm Thinkin' Of
It's Short-&-Sweet, Barely 3-Minutes-Long...

(OUTRO CHORUS)

Yeah.............

Baby’ YOU’RE MY HOOK
Here in this song, LOOK
Walking (Standing) (Right) BESIDE You, MMM...BABY, We BELONG
I filled up every line with love
‘Cuz You’re the Hook I'm thinkin' of
Now that I’ve written it, SING-ALONG...Cuz....
YOU’RE..THE HOOK..IN MY SONG


(c) 2012 by Michele Howlett/Stan Good/Rodney Auld [/quote]


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THANKS Brother Ande for Resurrectin' this'n' & for the Song-to-Study, too!!!

Michelle's sorta gone into temporary hiding...with day-to-day complications... & I'm finally finishing-up my "Bucket List" CD Project with Mike Dunbar...

But, I'm gonna check out Your Sug-Song this evening when I return from my Clockmaking/Stuff-Moving Requirements, and Big THANKS for Your Advice!!!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan


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