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Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique

Posted By: Roderic

Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 10/26/10 07:44 PM

Christian Contemporary. Slow Melody, Male or Female singer.

Shadow
c-2010


Around me storms are raging
And I want to run away
My friends have all deserted
No one cared to stay
Put my faith in philosophy
But found no comfort there
Searching for your presence
I bowed my head in prayer


(pre-chorus)
In the shadow of your wing


I don't trust emotions
Emotions change with time
I don't trust in feelings
Feelings often lie
This is something different
I just can't explain
The truth is what the truth is
I'll never be the same


(chorus)
In the shadow of your wing
I have found a resting place
I have found a loving grace
In the shadow of your wing


This world has offered nothing
No matter how I've tried
Chasing after rainbows
To fill the hole inside
I was always looking
You were always there
Waiting with forgiveness
Waiting for my prayer


(chorus)
Posted By: Dottie

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/26/10 09:11 PM

Hi Rod,

This is lovely!! I just don't know what else to say about it, it reads flawlessly and carries a beautiful message. I knew when I saw your name it was going to be good though. smile

Dottie
Posted By: beechnut79

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/26/10 10:20 PM

This one is written in fine form in a way that most will understand.

Peace,
Brian
Posted By: nightengale

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/27/10 12:35 AM

Roderic,

That's a pretty incredible song, You did a great job with it!

Geneva

Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/27/10 01:15 AM

Dottie,

Thank you for your kindness as always. Still not sure if it needs a bridge. You know I appreciate your comments.
Rod
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/27/10 01:16 AM

Brian,

Thanks for taking a read and leaving your positive comment. Much appreciated.

Rod
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/27/10 02:46 AM

Geneva,

Thank you for taking a look and for your kind words.

Rod
Posted By: Leanne Marchand

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/27/10 06:15 PM

Nice lyrics, Rod. Has a calming feel good flow to it.

Leanne
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Citique - 10/28/10 02:22 AM

leanne,

Thanks for the positive crit. I appreciate you taking the time to comment for me.

Rod
Posted By: Beth G. Williams

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/16/10 04:38 PM

Hi Roderic,

Well I had to go back a bit to find something from you. The last one 'Come Dance With Me' I already posted on -- did you ever get that musicated like you hoped?

Anyway, the fact that you've made so many other comments in the meantime, to help out your fellow JPF'ers, is quite a testament to your character. In the meantime, let me offer up something on this one -- albeit belatedly.

Right off, I think you might want to snazzy-up your hook to "In The Shadow". While I like short and sweet too...I think by just adding the two words you give the listener an extra reason to want to find out what you mean.

Also, while I think you are ultimately trying to convey a sense of hope here...I think the contrast between the two "worlds" is too stark. Would you be open to a bridge... suggesting perhaps...that while under His shadow, he's able to garner his strength and can cope with everything around him more ably? Sort of a "found my way, thanks to You" sort of feel?

Anyway, just food for thought.

Again, thanks for all your encouragement -- to me and everyone else. Have a good day...

Beth
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/16/10 10:32 PM

Beth,
Thank you for taking a look. Come and Dance With Me is waiting for music. I will be writing a bridge for 'Shadow'. I am as human as human can get. I can be happy, I can totally lose it. But no matter what, even when the storms are upon me, I have a hiding place, a place of refuge. I know sometimes I disappoint him. But I also know he knows me better than anyone ever could. That's what I want to try and convey in this song. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Rod
Posted By: MFB III

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 05:59 AM

A perfect song of praise, I have found such shelter under that wing many times and eventually it guided me back to reality, and left me with such comfort, you pay tribute to it well here....~~~~~~MFB III
Posted By: Jen Shaner

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 08:39 AM

Hi Rod,
This is a wonderfully written peice.It flows nicely and has a positive message. Nicely done.
Posted By: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 06:55 PM

HiDee Brother Rod!

This Lyric works for Us Deists, too, Amigo!

I think maybe the only nit-able word here is "wing". I'd sug "Love" or "Peace"..since neither God nor Christ are oft-depicted with "wings". But..OK.."Poetic License" it does work/I'm just doin' my Critic's Job here.

Excellent Lyric, Amigo, & One to be Proud Of!
Good Luck with it, & a Big Guy-Hug
Stan
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 11:16 PM

MFBIII,

Thank you for taking a read and commenting. Much appreciated Brother.

Rod
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 11:18 PM

Jennifer,

Thank you for your kind comments. Always welcome.

Rod
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 11:22 PM

Stan,

Always like to hear from you. The 'Wing' I am referring to is in the book of Psalms. David wrote, "In the shadow of your wing, oh Lord, I have found protection until the raging storm has passed". I find that scripture more and more true the older I get. Thanks for your comments.

Rod
Posted By: beechnut79

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 11/20/10 11:47 PM

Didn't quite get it the first time I responded, but as I read the other comments it became apparent that this is a song of praise to the Lord as opposed to one mortal human being.

Peace,
Brian
Posted By: Nathan Baker

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 12/23/10 09:17 PM

Hi Rod,

Nice job on this lyric.
I hope we get to hear it soon.

Peace
Posted By: Jen Shaner

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 12/27/10 09:07 AM

This is a wonderful write! It is nicely done and I think would do well in it's intended genre. I enjoyed it very much. I had commented last month on it but took another look today. I hope you get some music for it.
Posted By: Linda Sings

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 01/05/11 08:50 AM

Roderic,

Quite beautiful and I believe it's expressing the theme you stated here in the commentary.

I understood "wing" to be God just fine.

I understand God is not typically depicted with wings; I'm the odd one out here (maybe) who thinks angels probably don't have real "wings" so much as the word symbolizes power and rapid movement etc.; but anyway wings still works for me.

I like the correlation to I think it's Isaiah, where He says "as a hen will gather her chicks under her wings, so will I gather you" - and that imagery works perfectly for me.

It's great. If you feel moved to do a bridge that's your call, but I think it's fine without; it can always be an instrumental bridge.

Linda
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 01/06/11 06:09 AM

Brian, Nathan and Jennifer,

Thank you so much for taking a look and giving me your input. Much appreciated.

Rod
Posted By: Roderic

Re: Shadow (Work in Progress) Please Critique - 01/06/11 06:11 AM

Linda,

Thank you for your kind words. I actually started this song about 3 years ago. It has changed along with the ebb and flow of my life. I guess I had to come to full acceptance and peace before I could finish it. Thank you again,

Rod
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