Here is a new worktape of a lyric that I had posted a week or so ago. I asked Magne to come in on it....sent him a vocal tape, he had some great lyric change ideas.....so here is our first rough worktape....just getting started on it....so let us know where we can improve.....thanks so much....Jan and Magne.


http://www.soundclick.com/janicehopkins


© 2009 Janice Hopkins / Magne Kolstad


Through the Night


(4 bars intro)


She walked in ready for love
I was just a farmer’s son
It was like a bolt from above

Couldn't resist her, my new life had begun


Softly….I learned about a woman’s ways

Gently…she started leading me astray
Tempted…I thought that Heaven was all mine


She loved me Through The Night
Tried to please me
If she said black was white
I’d believe it
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my doubt
Through The Night

Through The Night

She said things I loved to hear

And I told her my fantasies
My eyes kept climbing her stairs
She was a beauty lyin' there, too good to believe

But she had me… didn’t plan on letting go
Slowly... I gave in to her soul

Madly… I fell in love and it felt so right


She loved me Through The Night
Tried to please me
If she said black was white
I’d believe it
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my doubt
Through The Night
Through The Night


(4 bars instrumental break)


I still... learn a lot from her each day
Like when... she sends the kids outside to play
Someday... when our lives are near the end
I hope our minds remember back when

She loved me Through The Night
Tried to please me
If she said black was white
I’d believe it
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my doubt
Through The Night

Through The Night

Through The Night

You have an extra "/" in the link. Here's a working link: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8020906 . Sounds good to me. magne has come up with a good melody.

Kevin

Thanks Kevin. I have edited that link also.

Glad you like the melody on this first worktape.

Jan

OK, this sounded just like it read to me!

Great job, I like the melody, the lyric reads well, well written, I enjoyed it very much. You're on the right track, I think.

Jan,

This works much better than...well, you know.

I think this will grow into another wonderful song for you both.

Thanks miss Caroline....glad it's working so far for you.

Glad that you listened.

jan

Steve,

Yeah, we revamped it, but with some more tinkering, it may turn out okay. I work with Magne alot....he will make it work, I'm sure. Thanks so much for giving a listen, Steve. I do appreciate it.

Jan

Jan,

I didn't hear or read the original. But this sounds real good. Mags did a great jon on it for you! It's very easy to "hear" this with a full production.

Although they are much different singers, I could hear either Kenny Chesney or Keith Urban doing this. And I can hear a much different arrangement from each of them. Another singer that comes to kmind for this is Gary Allan. I think he would do a great job on it. the more I think about it, the more I think he's the one you'd want! This has some of the flavor and intonations of his song "Smoke Rings In The Dark". And that wasw, in my opinion, his very best release to date.

Don'tcha just wish you could pick up the phone and dial any of those guys??!! Would be nice!

Good luck with this and all the best.

Alan

Hi Jan,

I really like the melody to this also - I just finished listening to it and it's still in my head. It's a very pretty, gentle song and it works nicely.

Heather

It really is a nice melody that stays in your head and works well with the lyrics. A very nice listen!

Clint

Kevin, Caroline, Steve, Al, Heather, Clint and everyone who has been listening so far.. Thanks!

Al you hit our target artists right on the spot for this one, great ears I must say. Well, could be great to have those numbers, but we are really just trying to build an attractive catalogue of songs at this point. If anyone would like to cut our songs, it would be sheer luck!

Jan is really an ace of a lyricist, and Im so lucky to team up with her on several collaborations.. but, you all might not know this, Jan has a really sweet singing voice and can work up a great melody. The melodic parts on this is all exactly as Janice sang them to me on that vocal tape!

She's also into study guitar, and I dread the day she'll be telling me (in the not so distant future) saying "Mags, this doesn't sound right at all, it should sound like this! Sorry, thanks for all your nice efforts, but I think I can handle this myself!" :-)

Come to think of it, she does that already sometimes, so nothing would really change.. hmm, back to work.. your comments confirm that this melody is really catchy - and the work ahead for us is about getting a smooth and contemporary a lyric for the country pop listeners, as well as support the melody with a great contemporary arrangement.

Thanks for listening and chiming in with your great ideas, it's very inspiring, and we consider them all in your process!

Alan,

That is both thrilling and amazing that you got our target artists dead on. You really know your music styles. I am so glad that it came across to you, as we intended it.

Thank you as always for your continued assistance and encouragement. It is something I have come to count on.

Jan

Heather,

Thanks so much for the listen. We appreciate your time....and so glad that you like the melody for this one.

Jan

Hi Janice and Magne

I really like the melody on this part. : ) jm

She loved me Through The Night
Tried to please me
If she said black was white
I’d believe it
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my doubt
Through The Night
Through The Night

Thanks Joice,

Glad you like that. The chorus always comes to me first....in both the lyrics and the melody. They both come at once. I'm glad that part works for you.

Thanks so much for giving a listen to this first effort.

Jan

Hey Jan, nice job on this. Magne's melody really brings it to life.

Bill

Hey Bill,

Thanks for listening!

It's really Jan's melody on this one, so the roles are reversed somehow, but I agree with you!

Now we hope to make the lyric as good as it can be, before taking it to the next level.

Hi Janice and Mag,

First off, Janice, YAY, I'm glad you kept after this one. I TOLD you it was worth working on ..and Mag seems to have done it perfect musication justice.

The story works MUCH better and more realistically now (though maybe it's a smidge TOO effusive for a guy?). I do love these lines (which I believe you did have in the original)...

If she said black was white
I’d believe it

...while I found the imagery of this line a bit confusing:

My eyes kept climbing her stairs

Is he literally referring to her stairs, going up to her apartment? Or is he speaking figuratively? I LIKE the line, I'm just not sure I understand it completely...and I do love the line which follows it:

She was a beauty lyin' there, too good to believe

As I mentioned before, Mag, you do a great job on this one musically. The melody is perfect for the occasion, and it's indeed very "catchy".

Totally digging it when there is such a successful meeting of two musical minds!!!

Thanks for your perseverance Jan -- and Mag, for your helpful hands....

Take it easy,
Beth

Beth,

I wouldn't have gone ahead with this one....without your great encouragement. That really helped. You see, I knew that I had the melody for this one. I am pleased that Mags liked it when i sang it....and he thought it would work.

We will take a look at all of the issues that you brought up. That is very helpful to us. This was our first worktape....there will most likely be more.

We thank you so much for taking the time to listen, Beth. It is so very much appreciated.

jan

My oh my. Just beautiful!

Hi Greg,

Thanks for listening!
Yeah, it could end up sweet, suitable for country/pop, we imagine.

Still could use some lyric critiques, though.

Janice and Magne, good to see this lyric taking on a new life in a song.

A few suggestions below with regard to the lyric. KOS, of course.

Donna


© 2009 Janice Hopkins / Magne Kolstad


Through the Night


(4 bars intro)


She walked in ready for love
I was just a farmer’s son
It was like a bolt from above

Couldn't resist her, my new life had begun


Softly….I learned about a woman’s ways

Gently…she started leading me astray
Tempted Gratefully…I thought felt that Heaven was all mine ("Tempted" doesn't line up with the previous adverbs.)


She loved me Through The Night
Tried Did everything that pleased me (For me, "tried" implies that she didn't succeed.)
If she'd said black was white
I’d have believed it (To make the tenses consistent with each other.)
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my every doubt
Through The Night

Through The Night

She said things I loved to hear

And I told her my fantasies
My eyes kept climbing her stairs (Confusing. Do you mean his eyes kept roving up and down her body? Does "stairs" refer to her breasts?)
She was a beauty lyin' there, too good to believe

But Truly...she had me… didn’t plan on letting go (Adding "truly" will give you three adverbs ending in "ly", as in the previous section. It's also a more interesting word than "but".)
Slowly... I gave in to her soul (This sounds a little extreme within the context. I'd suggest opting for a different rhyme for "go".)

Madly… I fell in love and it felt so right


She loved me Through The Night
Tried to please me
If she said black was white
I’d believe it
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my doubt
Through The Night
Through The Night


(4 bars instrumental break)


I still... learn a lot from her each day
Like when... she sends the kids outside to play
Someday... when our lives are nearing the end
I hope our minds we'll remember with joy back when (The word "minds" introduces an element of distance and objectivity, which is at odds with the strong emphasis on the physical attraction between the two characters. Just MHO. )

She loved me Through The Night
Tried to please me
If she said black was white
I’d believe it
Tried to figure it out
Why she’d want me
But she melted all my doubt
Through The Night

Through The Night

Through The Night
[/quote]

Very nice. The melody is quite good. I like the feel of the song. The lyrics are good. Good phrasing on the vocals with fine tone. Nice guitar work also.

Tom

Donna,

Once again I thank you for taking so much time with this and for offering so many fine suggestions as usual that will help us when we get down to brass tacks and writing a finished product.

We appreciate it so very much.

Jan

Janice,
What a lovely story! I mean it...Great song melodicly that fits the words throughout in my opinion. I can only imagine what it would sound like with a full band.. Very nice and easy on the ears. A keeper in my book! Great Works!
Bob

Tom,

We're glad that this seems to be working for you so far.

We thank you so much for giving it your time and for your nice comments.

Jan

Jan/Mag,
this is really good. I'd love to hear a full production.

have fun,
John

Janis/Magne,

To quote one of my fave pop-rock bands xtc.........this is pop.

I don't hear any country here...did someone say country-pop?

Anyhoo...Magne sounds so much like Gary Ogan to me...(sorry,had to say again).This is right on the verge of moving from "good" to GREAT!!....and I do not know what is missing on this first pass.

Bob,

We're glad that this one is hitting your ear right. This is our first go 'round on it, so we will be ironing things out and deciding what direction it will take.

We thank you so much for giving it a listen. Thanks for the encouragement.

Jan