I've got a new demo up on Songramp

Hotter than the Hinges on the Gates of Hell
http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php?trackid=66899
cowrote it with Donna Aylor and Brock Goodwin


here's Brock's original version
Title: Hotter than the Hinges + Brock Goodwin
http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php?trackid=14489

If you listen to brock's you can note some of the lyrical rewrites we made
I have a feeling were still not done and the song would benefit from another rewite.

Ande

HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL

© Words and Music: Brock Goodwin, Donna Aylor, and Ande Rasmussen

The bartender’s blender is getting a workout tonight
I’m doing all I can do to cool down my mind
Your come on looks from the corner
Keep on making me warmer
And I can feel the heat from your fiery eyes

CHORUS
YOU’RE HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL
ALL OF MY RESISTANCE IS ABOUT TO MELT
MY TEMPERATURE’S RISIN’, AIN’T TOO SURPRISIN’
GOTTA PLAY IT COOL ‘FORE I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF
YOU’RE HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL

Feels like I’m catching a contagious case of lust
You’re strollin’ over here and my heart’s about to bust
Well I got a li’tle problem
You’re so drop dead awesome
All eyes are on you as you smoke the room up

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
You whisper “Let’s do something we might regret”
You take my hand and I break into a sweat

REPEAT CHORUS

I absolutely love this chorus. The verses are a good lead, great bridge, it's all great!!

Great song!

Ande, the demo has top-notch expensive production. the lyric, though is really, really weak esp. that second verse. I'm being honest here...that second verse is painful. you may be relying on production to make your song.

Hey Ande

For once I find myself on Couch Grouches side lol... No offense Robert..

The music is great and the melody definitly hooks you right in, but the lyric is watered down whiskey... It hits ya pretty good with the chorus, but the story is one that doesn't stand out to me as original or even well laid out.. I've written a couple in this theme, and I feel that it needs more punch... the hook's actually really good.. and yes I like the chorus, but the verses are really lacking in imagination...
Derek

hi Caroline,

thank you for listening and your comments

ande

thanks couch
I appreciate your comments
we're definitely going to rewrite this lyric

ande

thanks derek
appreciate your comments

Good opportunity for the word "devil", "angel" or "heaven" somewhere... seriously. Hell is the hook, and there are more opportunities to mine...

thanks mark,
we definitely need to rewrite it

ande

Great production, sounds almost radio-ready. Since your hook relates to hell, so should your verses. First verse works, second verse only has the last line relating. I suggest rewriting these lines:

Feels like I’m catching a contagious case of lust
You’re strollin’ over here and my heart’s about to bust
Well I got a li’tle problem
You’re so drop dead awesome

In any case, good luck with it!

Hey Ande,

I'm going to go out on a limb here and agree with everyone else: The hook and the chorus are FAB, but I think the lyrics could use a little primping.

Because I don't think I've ever played around with one of your songs, I figured, what the HELL, this is as good a time as any, so that's what I've done. I hope you don't mind.

Needless to say, these sugs are totally keep or sweep.

ENJOY!!

Beth

"Hotter than the Hinges on the Gates of Hell"

The heatwave hasn't let up it, it's a quarter to nine
I'm hangin' at the corner bar, just chillin' for a while
I'm finally cooling off
And then a warm wave rolls in
I turn to see what's cookin and I see your devlish grin

CHORUS
YOU’RE HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL
ALL OF MY RESISTANCE IS ABOUT TO MELT
MY TEMPERATURE’S RISIN’, AIN’T TOO SURPRISIN’
GOTTA PLAY IT COOL ‘FORE I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF
YOU’RE HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL

Your red hot pants are smokin', you're no angel in disguise
I'd brave any inferno just to look into those eyes
Can feel heat from a distance
I'm the moth drawn to your flame
I don't know what comes next, but I am fired up just the same

CHORUS REPEAT

As we walk down to her door way, fear my feet are getting cold
But what the hell, for lesser things a man will sell his soul
She reads my thoughts "don't worry, pet
The devil made you do it”
And in a deeper voice, "I'm almost certain you'll live thru it."



This might be a bit scary for the youngin's...

hey shayne

thanks for your suggestions

ande

Hi beth,

nice to hear from you
thanks for your suggestions
I rewrote a few lines yesterday and sent them off to my cowriter

I think V1 L1 & V2 L 1 - 4 could be much stronger and need rewritten

I need to follow the guidelines in my lyric writing tips
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/537816

the main tips to follow are
1) imagery and
2) every line needs to
be connected to or
prove or
lead to the title

Ande

It really builds well. Nice how you structure the song. The transitions really work well.

Also, thanks very much for the songwriting tips and your blog. Very insightful.

Tom

Ande: I want to suggest you consider this idea below for the first verse even though the first verse is really really clever. I will come back and tell you my reasons.
Regards...Paul

Seems like the Devil had a hand in your plans tonight
Now matter which way I turn, can’t get you outta my sight
Each glance I take I get warmer and warmer
It’s a damn sure bet you gonna lure me to your corner
Your driving me wild with your firery eyes

well, they keep tellin' us to give 'em tempos, great hook, strong chorus, pitch the heck out of this , don't take no for an answer, it's simply not an option write great, be well....moker

Hi Ande,

Don't think I want to critique it, just want to say I think it has a great hook, love the melody,music tempo and the singer has great vocals.

Enjoyed listening to it

Letha

hey tom

thanks for your comments
glad you like my tips
we wrote this lyric 6 years before I wrote the tips

ande

hey paul,

thanks for your suggestions

ande

thanks moker
hope your writing is going great

ande

thanks Letha,
I appreciate it

ande

Ande,

I don't know about this one. I've listened to both the demo and Brock's original version. I really like Brock's version, the produced one seems just a little over-done. I find the lyrics on the weak side -- which surprises me. But I realize that you might have come along late to this one.

I've been on this thread about 5 times, but I couldn't bring myself to comment -- it's tough to comment on a full demo that was paid for and of course, you've been doing this a lot longer than me.

I found Brock's version easier to listen to all the way through!!

Kevin

Hi Ande

Nice to see something of yours over here.... I will echo the others, I guess on the lyric. Best wishes. I'm sure it will be worth the effort. jm

Hi Kevin

thanks for commenting
we wrote this song 6 or 7 years ago
then my cowriter recently demoed it

on the lyric, I came up with the hook
donna and I wrote the lyric then brock did the melody

hey joice marie
thank you
wish you the best with your writing

ande

Hi Again Ande

Just some thoughts here to prime the pumps...... take or leave, okay jm

The bartender’s blender is spinning red tonight
Doing all I can, to be cool under these hot lights
Your come on looks from the corner
Keep on making me warmer
And I can feel the heat from your fiery eyes

CHORUS
YOU’RE HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL
Your're fanning my furnace, I'm ABOUT TO MELT
MY TEMPERATURE’S RISIN’, AIN’T TOO SURPRISIN’
GOTTA add some ice ‘FORE I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF
YOU’RE HOTTER THAN THE HINGES ON THE GATES OF HELL

Feel like I’m the mixer for an exotic drink
You slide a bit closer as the ice starts to clink
Well I got a li’tle notion
You’ve set into motion
My eyes are on you, your smoke makes me blink

Hi Ande,

Well you've got plenty of suggestions coming your way already so I would just like to say I love the hook & the bridge is special.
Good luck with your work.
Nice job.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Ande:

There are a lot of things to love about this song:

1. Great concept.
2. Great hook.
3. Excellent use of images of "hot" and "cool".
4. The melody of the song in general is catchy, smooth, singable and fun.
5. A lot of the lyrics are nicely crafted...good use of alliteration (i.e. Your come on looks from the corner...Keep on...) It doesn't call attention to itself but it sure makes the song "feel" good (especially if you're singing along.)
6. Great title.
7. Great first line.

I thought the lyrics in the second verse were not up to the standard of the rest of the song...except the last line, which was excellent.

I really enjoyed the original guitar demo, but that may be because it was my second listen and good songs seem to sound better the more you listen to them.

Mark

hi joice,

hope your wrting is going well

thanks for your suggestions

I think the lyric needs to stay focused on the beautiful woman who is hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell

ande

thank you calvin

ande

thank you mark
hope your writing is going great

ande

Cool enough Ande and best wishes on the new lines.

Hey Ande,

Listenable enough tune. Great lyrics !

I'm not too sure about the backing here. It's very predictable, 1 4 5 with the odd realitive minor thrown in. When I can predict where it's heading, then it kind of takes the interest away. It also makes the track sound dated, in a "dated" rather than retro way. I'm probably offending someone here, but I think it needs a fresh musical approach.

cheers, niteshift

Good Evening Ande

Well this Aussie girl just loves it, very catchy, great production, and I just love it, all round, I just think it's perfect.

The only nit I didn't like, is the word "Blender" in the beginning, other then that, well done.

But remember I'm on my learners with singing & songwriting.

Congratulations!

Michele
Aussie girl from down under

HiDee Brother Ande!

Here's a V2 Sug...I like whatcha got for V1, Chorus, & Great Hook, Amigo!

Feels like my barstool's meltin' from molten lust/
My thoughts sizzle-down to "The 2 of us"/
Your smile says "Come Hither"/
(My) Hesitation withers..
My Heart has a Thermostat I can't..adjust!

Bridge Thought:
You whisper "Let's do something we might regret"/
Somethin' tells me Hell ain't seen NOTHIN'..yet~!

K-O-S & Good Luck with a Good'n', Amigo!

Hope ol' Ike wimps-out by this weekend for yas!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan