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"There's always tomorrow"

Posted By: Ray Thyer (D)

"There's always tomorrow" - 10/21/08 03:08 PM

title; "There's always tomorrow"
V1. When all's been said 'n done
don't worry what's to come.
losing sleep 'n fretting
won't change what you're getting.

V2. Thought of nights I did dread,
nightmares soon filled my head.
Tossing 'n turning too
seemed the only thing to do.

Chorus. When the day turns to night
'n things don't turn out right,
There's always tomorrow,
There's always tomorrow.

V3 Chores not all done today,
got to find 'nother way.
Can't go on feelin blue
gotta try someways new.

Chorus. When the day turns to night
'n things don't turn out right,
There's always tomorrow,
There's always tomorrow.

V4. Oh what a fool I've been
worrying myself thin.
Time to change, day's dawning
gonna start this morning.

Chorus. When the day turns to night
'n things don't turn out right,
There's always tomorrow,
There's always tomorrow.

V5. I'm gonna change my ways
from this 'n ev'ry day,
forget troubles 'n woes
'n live life tomorrow.

Tag; 'n live life tomorrow...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I hope you like me song, please tell me true if you do,
best wishes, Ray from down under.

Posted By: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)

Re: "There's always tomorrow" - 10/21/08 03:51 PM

G'Mornin' Brother Ray!

Nice Hope-Filled Song ya got here, Amigo!

You've overall estalished an AABB Pattern of Rhyming...but V2's first Couplet doesn't rhyme well. Though both words end in -ed, Despaired/Head don't rhyme when-sung. Sug: "Thoughts of nights I'D DREAD" would rhyme well-enough, say basically just what ya wanted-to. K-O-S!

Chorus: Simple, yet quite effective!

V3: I like the imaginative Rhyming here...it works!

V4: Again, Simply-Stated, yet effective. USUALLY there's some REASON for this RESOLUTION to "Change for The Better" somewhere IN the Storyline. What MADE the Singer Change His WAYS? A New Love Interest...A Bolt from The Blue...Alien Takeover...SOMETHING that Opened His Eyes & Made Him Change. It's kinda "Missing" between V2 and V3.

But, Overall, a Nice Reflection from One who DID make the Changes!

Good Luck with it, Amigo!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Posted By: Ray Thyer (D)

Re: "There's always tomorrow" - 10/23/08 01:02 PM

G'day Cobber, I thought lots and lots about 'despaired' and somehow I got stuck with it as it said in one word the message of the line. You are right, it doesn't work and needs replacing and your 'dread' is the word to fix it. The one lesson I never learned from all the generous tutoring given me in the very beginning by you and other kind JPFolks was the number of verses that should be in a song and I worry about that every time I lift me pencil to begin writing one. Please do tell me what is too many verses for a song and what is too little. I wrote this one while in a mood of reflection of the day when I had not done all I had set myself to do for the day and it came to me that there's tomorrow and I could do then what I left undone today.Thanks for your great suggestion for another verse, I will try to think of something to fill the gap. As me old dad said'Boys, you should learn from the mistakes you make and make sure that you don't make the same mistake twice'. Thanks a lot, Cobber for your helping me again. I will try to think of another verse and come back. best wishes, Ray.
Posted By: Ray Thyer (D)

Re: "There's always tomorrow" - 10/25/08 10:08 AM

G'day Cobber, as you can see I changed 'despaired' to 'dreaded' and added another verse as you generously suggested.Hope it sounds better now. best wishes, Ray.
Posted By: les_paul_gurl

Re: "There's always tomorrow" - 10/25/08 11:49 AM

Ray--

Overall I think that this is a really good song. Just a couple of nits:

-I see you're going for an AABB rhyme pattern, but V1's BB doesn't really rhyme. A good rhyme has the stressed vowel in common, not the ending.

"losing sleep 'n fretting
won't change what you're getting."


-V4's lines don't really rhyme either....but it's an easy thing to fix. Might I suggest something along these line:

V4. "Oh what a fool I've been
worrying myself thin.
Times change, without warning
gonna start this morning."


The overall content and story is there! Have a great weekend!! smile

~~Kassie~~
Posted By: Ray Thyer (D)

Re: "There's always tomorrow" - 10/27/08 01:27 PM

G'day Kassie, You are so right. I didn't think that "thing" rhymed with "fretting" and I think your lines 1 &2 for V4 are great and I will change them. I really, really think that the storyline is summed up in lines 3 & 4 of Verse 4 so I am stuck with those. Thank you for making my song so much, much better. best wishes, Ray.
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