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Streets are for walking down (Rewrite)

Posted By: Travis david

Streets are for walking down (Rewrite) - 10/11/20 12:03 PM

STREETS ARE FOR WALKING DOWN

V
Streets are for walking down not sleeping
A hero is a hero and for keeping
Not living off handouts, defriended
heart of a lion when he defended
C
Streets are for walking down, not dying
pain is pain, the streets are crying
What the hells going on, they're our
daughters and sons
fought our wars but their battles not done
B
Hands cupped around a coffee
looking old before his time
Thinking about the past
futures never on his mind
A tear for the pals left behind

V Streets are for walking down, what do I see
but for the grace of god this could be me
Proudly he wore medals on his chest
trained to be the best of the best. .

C

Outro
a soldier of convenience finally at rest

Posted By: Gavin Sinclair

Re: Streets are for walking down - 10/12/20 05:05 PM

I really like this, Travis.

A couple of minor things, I'd change:

"Streets are for walking down, not for dying" would be better as "Streets are for walking down, not dying." That keeps the same construction as the first line of V1, as well as the same rhythm.

I think you have a typo: "for the grace of god this could be me" should be "But for the grace of god this could be me."

I'm not sure about the final image of a man lying dead on the street with his medals pinned to his chest. The rest is real, gritty, relatable. This seems to veer off into melodrama. We've all seen what you describe in the earlier verses. It's what gives the song its power. This ending seems over the top and contrived, especially the medals pinned to his chest. Just my opinion. I have been known to be wrong smile
Posted By: Travis david

Re: Streets are for walking down - 10/12/20 07:03 PM

Hi Gavin
Thanks for your thoughts on this I t does need a rewrite and your comments are valid.
I think maybe the ending could do with a rethink but I'd still prefer him to go with his boots on, so to speak
Thanks much appreciated
John
Posted By: Travis david

Re: Streets are for walking down - 10/13/20 05:25 AM

Thanks to Gavin for suggestions
John
Posted By: johnparagreen

Re: Streets are for walking down - 10/14/20 09:32 PM

Hi, I like this as well,reminded me of what I saw on tv of people in tents in L A,
I think it would be stronger if was something like

Sidewalks are for walking on, not sleeping

all the best.john
Posted By: Travis david

Re: Streets are for walking down - 10/15/20 03:41 PM

Cheers John, there's a further rewrite planned!
Not seen you around for sometime, welcome back
John
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