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by Guy E. Trepanier |
Guy E. Trepanier |
I am happy to see that JPF is back on track. Here is one of my songs. Rough demo: My voice + ukulele https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=14370632https://soundcloud.com/guyetrep/see-you-tonight-ukeSEE YOU TONIGHT _______________________________________________________ © Words and music: Guy E. Trépanier, 2021. All rights reserved by Guy E. Trépanier.
Intro: 4 bars (key of D)
I'm gonna see you tonight I wanna hold you so tight You make me feel so eager I wanna be your lover
I'll sing you a funny song Showing how much I belong I hope you'll give me a chance To start with you a romance
I wish that I could be tame in your arms I wish that you would feel pleased in my arms
I'm gonna see you tonight My heart is fully delight My body feels such fever For I could be your lover
Interlude 8 bars
I'm gonna see you tonight I wanna hold you so tight You make me feel so eager I wanna be your lover
I'll bring you some fancy food To put you right in the mood With a bottle of red wine I'll put a spark in your mind
I wish that I could be tame in your arms I wish that you would feel pleased in my arms
I'm gonna see you tonight My heart is fully delight My body feels such fever For I could be your lover
I'm gonna see you tonight I'm gonna see you tonight
Guy E. Trépanier #516 Melody: Jan - Feb 2021. Lyrics: Jan - Feb 2021.
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by E Swartz |
E Swartz |
Hey Guy,
You have a nice tune with a good excited anticipation build lyrically. Melody works well with your vibe.
I'll give you a couple of sugs for consideration: Consider the middle two verses not using the "I'm going to see your tonight"--let your first verse & ending verse utilize those very good lines, and of course the outro can reinforce those lines as you are now doing. In this manner, you IMO won't "wear" them out--no question a lot of chorus driven songs "do" repeat, but this is not a chorus driven song, more of a verse/story dominant song--allow yourself more story and don't "milk" those lines and they will have more clout--especially at your songs ending! I see your two breaks as dual bridges--which is cool!
My 2nd sug (should you have any interest in changing those two verses) would perhaps have those lines begin with "you" -- descriptive or info on her past actions -- to let the audience be able to picture/imagine what she is like, thus giving your story more interest and less "I"......Of course, JMHO, but I think the song could benefit from more story, and less verse repetition--use or lose.
I enjoyed your upbeat song and the mandolin works nicely with this song!
steady-eddie
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