JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Jealous Heart - Duet with Vic Arnold!

Dan,

Thanks for the food analogy, I'm happy you think we sound good together! Apreciate the listen!

Tammy

Hey guys...

I'm going to go a different direction than all the others who have heard the song...

Why? Because it sticks out to me as something I would do to one of my tunes when fine-tuning....I am treating this as if I was objectively critiquing my own tune. Take it as that, and nothing more....

It's good...But I do have to admit I'm not quite sure I get enough of why there is a jealous heart from the verses...

the 3rd line in the BOTH verses is to me the offender...

1st verse....He says when you're not here my life falls apart; rather than follow the train of thought in the 1st 2 lines and why she doesn't trust him and why he's not lying....You go to yourself rather than tell me WHY IS SHE JEALOUS ????

It IMO weakens your set-up of your Chorus and the oh, so important opening to the tune....

2nd verse 3rd line again IMO doesn't finish the job...Maybe say
"Believe what I say YOU"RE THE ONLY ONE I WANT"....(or a perfect rhyme if you prefer to stay there...But If it were me I'd rather have the perfect word than a perfect rhyme)

IMO opinion these changes would set up your Chorus better and more concisely explain why this person is jealous.

Everyone gave you kudos, and well-deserved, and it sounds great, but I still think it could be a tad stronger..

Steve, appreciate your take on the lyric.

I agree that one of those third lines could possibly be written better, but the lines are only touching on those little doubts and fears folks have, that pit of your stomach urge to wonder if what he says is true and if she is hankering for another man, they aren't necessarily doing anything wrong, it is just about the twinge of jealousy.

We kept the lyric as light and as un-accusatory as posible since no one wants to hear two folks going at it, that would be uncomfortable.

I think it is pretty clear that the man is saying he wants her trust to believe him when he says he loves her and the woman wants him to believe that she is devoted to him and not looking around at other men. They admit in the third verse that when they get jealous, that it is awkward, but they love each other and won't be eaten up by jealousy.

I'm not disagreeing with you, I think you have a valid point, but I believe that anything can be re-written forever, but I think the question is...do we want to change the meaning, or make the song more judgemental, or keep it light-hearted, I feel that it is something that most folks can understand and connect with, but I also agree that one of those lines could be altered to be more effective.

I really appreciate all of the time you took to listen and respond, good food for thought, thank you.

Tammy

Scotty,

So happy you liked this one! Thanks for the listen!

Tammy

Travis,

We can only hope!! Appreciate the listen!

Tammy

Roy,

So happy to see you my friend and it is an interesting twist that Vic and I have never met, the song is the product of a modern world. Thanks for taking a listen!

Tammy

Hi Steve.
Thank you for having a good look at this.
I've been trying to analyse what you say. You had me in deep thought for a while. Lol.
Finally though it seemed to me that there is no conflict in the third lines.

3rd line 1st V follows the 2nd line (without a break)
My lips don't lie when they say to you "baby when you're not here seems my life falls apart"
In other words, the third line is just what he's saying to her.

3rd line 2nd verse she is just underlining what she said to him in the first two lines. Does this make sense?
Maybe it isn't exactly crystal clear but I don't think it's unclear either.
As Tammy has said it isn't meant to be a heavy lyric.
Thanks again.
Vic

Stevies B., Donna and Tom, thank you all for listening, we have fun doing these duets and are overwhelmed by the positive feedback, so happy you all enjoyed it!!

Tammy

Hey Tammy and Vic, nice duet, the voice work well together, and I can hear the frustration and angst in each line. Great teamwork.

Thank you MFB.
There was a very small bit of that too.
Vic

Hey Vic and Tammy,
I like the vocals, music, and production. Lyrical tweaks/comments below. Keep or sweep

V1
I want you to trust everything that I do
My lips don't lie when I say to you
Baby when you're not here seems my life falls apart
So if you think it ain't true it's just your jealous heart
([color:#000099]apart and heart are cliché rhymes[/color])

V2
No other man makes me turn my head
I'd rather share my love with you instead ([color:#000099]instead is there for the rhyme, but not needed, since you say "I'd rather share my love with you...that's a complete thought...the instead is understood without stating it.)[/color]

Believe what I say it doesn't have to be this hard
When your feeling that way it's just your jealous heart (rhyming [color:#000099]hard with heart is almost like mating the same word; I'd consider a different rhyme mate.[/color])

Chorus:
Jealous heart, how could you think the things you do
Jealous heart, when we keep staying here with you ... here with you

Inst.

V3
When there's green in our eyes then we understand
That our feelings could easily get out of hand
(I believe that a line has more punch with the main idea at or near the end of the line; that said; the first line of verse 3 would be more stronger as:
[color:#000099]We understand when there's green in our eyes[/color]

(Of course, that changes the end rhyme for the following line; so let's see if we can come up with an alternate line that rhymes with [color:#000099][b]eyes:[/color][/b]

Suspicious feelings begin to arise

But we love each other and that's how it's been from the start
And we won't give in to this foolish jealous heart
([color:#000099]start and heart are also cliché rhymes[/color])

Chorus:
Jealous heart, how could you think the things you do
Jealous heart, when we keep staying here with you

Chorus:
Jealous heart, how could you think the things you do
Jealous heart, when we keep staying here with you ... here with you

Hi Tammy and Vic,

Wow -- you two should take this show on the road! I didn't comment on "Quiet Man" but I loved that one, too! Very cool stuff you're doing!

Lisa

Hi Shayne.
Thanks for taking a long look at it.
"Heart" doesn't have to many options where rhymes are concerned. I ruled out card, star and even bard, lard and retard.
"suspicious feelings begin to arise" sounds like a sexual event could be taking place, lol.
If anything else comes up I'll give it some thought.
Oops! Sounds like another sex thing.
Vic

Quote

[color:#000099]"Heart" doesn't have to many options where rhymes are concerned. I ruled out card, star and even bard, lard and retard.

Hey Vic,
You are correct. That's why I try to avoid a title or rhyming line that ends with heart. Love is another word that has few perfect or near rhymes...and words with few perfect rhyme mates often result as clichés.[/color]

I've used dark, mark (as in leave a mark), regard, (and I love hard/heart), spark, sharp, even harsh.

Zeek

Hi Lisa.
I don't think I have the stamina for "the road" anymore.
Maybe Tammy could do it and send me a postcard.
Nice of you to think it though.
Vic

Very nice collaboration. You don't hear as many duets anymore and this one is a beauty!

Tom

I just put those in my notebook Zeek.

Shayne.
In my opinion for a light hearted song like this "cliche rhymes" are ok as long as the line itself isn't cliche.
Vic

Thank you Tom.

Listened to them both and I liked the first one better. I thought it was more pure more true. Both are good though. Its a real fine song .

Lovely duo guys... dynamic you might say.
I liked the soundcloud version.

Great music and you two sound wonderful together.

M.,

So happy you stopped by my friend, glad you liked it!

Tammy

Shayne,

Always appreciate your comments, you dish up lots of food for thought for sure.

I personally did like the hard/heart rhyme, I thought Vic was being clever when he made that change.

I do know that I wouldn't introduce the word "Suspicious" into the song, we were trying to keep it as light hearted as possible and avoid sounding as if we were accusing or bickering, that was an important part of pulling off the hook for a duet so that it didn't seem uncomfortable.

Thanks again Shayne for stopping by!

Tammy

Lisa,

If there was a road between here and Vic, I would gladly take it, but I fear drowning..LOL!! And for Vic's response of me doing it alone...it's a DUET I can't sing it by myself!!

Glad you liked it!!

Tammy

Tom,

We feel the same way and it is nice to fill in that gap, so happy you enjoyed it!

Tammy

Roger,

Appreciate your time and so happy it was a good experience for you and Hope to see you on the boards often!

TAmmy

Mr. Nelson,

Always happy when you stop by my friend and glad you liked it! I really enjoy doing these duets with Vic.

Tammy

Thanks Roger and welcome.
Vic

Hi Nelson.
That's good to hear. "The Dynamic Duet".
Thankyou.
Vic

Been staring at this for awhile now, sure that I already commented. Then I see where it is your second duet.

This is a gem - sounds like something Johnny and June would have done. Nicely done!

Scott

Hey Scott, I know that "senior" moment feeling too.
Thanks for the boost.
Vic

Scott,

Glad you got it all figured out, read carefully, you never know when you will see duet 3 or 4 or 5...Ooops..I think Vic might not think this is funny....LOL!!

Tammy

Wow what a great song, beautifully performed with a wonderful production. It really reminded me of some of the stuff Nick Lowe (minus the female vocals) has been putting out for the last decade or so. What a great melody and a great hook in the chorus. Loved everything about this. Congratulations to the both of you.

Dave

Hey Dave,

Glad you liked it, I went and listened to some recent Nick Lowe and I agree with you...cool comparison for sure... Vic really hit a good melody with this one for sure! Thanks for thelisten!!

Tammy

Dave.
Thanks for that warm comment on a damp day.
Vic

Very nicely done, Tammy and Vic.

Actually I think you guys have a commercial sound, cause
your voices are complimentary and go with the music well.

Doug

Doug.
That was nice to hear.
Thank you.
Vic

Doug,

Thanks Doug, maybe you will convince Vic to work with me again!! Good to see you! Glad you liked it!

Tammy

Tammy.
I don't need convincing.
Vic

Awww, you say the nicest things Vic, maybe I'll go write another duet...

here's a big bump to a really great song by the perfect writing team for sure, all the way to the top here, nect stop...Nashville...LOL~Nicely done to you both~~MFB III

That's very kind of you MFB III
Vic

M,

Thanks for the positive thoughts and hopes for this song, I would love to know that others got to hear and like this song, nothing wrong with dreaming...

Tammy