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Joined: Sep 2009
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FINISHED ANOTHER SAD ONE--ANOTHER MACK ATTACK--COMMENTS HELP A LOT! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11962454IF BLUES WERE CANDY
© 2012 Mackie Humphries
V1
She messed around down in funk town
Found a new Bo makin’ her rounds
She’s got my world turned up side down.
Word gets around ‘bout their brass bed
The mirrors and ceiling framed in red
I’m left here singin’ the blues instead.
CH
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane
No Pralines and Cream or cocoa thing
She left me hangin’ by a tiny thread
Sugar coated lies painted bright red
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
V2
She messed around the bad side of town
I hope real soon she’ll be slippin’ down
I read ‘bout her in the lost and found.
I’m gonna be lookin‘ myself for someone
If I look back I hope she’ll run
Go spread her love in the red zone.
CH
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane
No Pralines and Cream or cocoa thing
She left me hangin’ by a tiny thread
With sugar coated lies painted bright red
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
OUTRO
If blues were candy I’d never need her
Pralines ‘n Cream would sweeten my dreams
If Blues were candy.....
If Blues were candy.....3XMackie
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Joined: Jun 2011
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I thought I had 2 browsers of soundclick open at first! Mack, the beat is very much off...please address that. If that was your intended beat it does not work. Too bad because the flavor of the song is right there with your chording but that beat is wrong. I actually liked the parts that had no beat but that could be becuase the beat was so off.
Zeek
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ZEEK--
THANKS FOR CHECKING THIS ONE--WELL I'LL HAVE TO WORK ON THE BEAT--THIS IS JUST A PRELIMINARY MP3--I TRIED TO MAKE THIS AN AD LIB LOOSE ALTERNATIVE BEAT--I GUESS IT WON'T WORK--I'M STILL TRYING
Mackie
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put it out w/no beat...let's hear the song!
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Hi Mackie, Yeah I gotta agree with Zeek about the drums. Curious how it sounds more bare boned with JUST your guitar and emotional vocal, it's toooo busy as is. I'll come back when you're done. Have a good day. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Hi Mackie I agree with Zeek and Calvin, yeah that beat throws it off,  and spoils your great vocal. Leave all the rest, cos I love the melody, and practice, practice, then you'll have yourself a great song hey. Yeah you can do it Mackie.  Hugs Michele
Last edited by Michele Howlett; 10/27/12 09:03 AM.
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G'Mornin' T-Bro!
Sounded Fine to me this AM..Ya musta worked further on it!
Lyrically, Other'n the first line of V2, Singer gets Kinda Vindictive..& sorta Less-Blues-Like, JMO. (The "lost & found" line isn't believable..JMO again.)
Overall, tho, Enjoyed The Listen/Good Luck with it, Amigo!
Best Weekend Wishes & a Big Guyh-Hug,
Stan
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
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Hi Mackie,
Sad song indeed. I don't think I'm as averse to the drums as some others have mentioned, but I do think they could be pared down some. Indeed, maybe a stripped down accoustic version might be nice, given the emotion of your vocal and the lyrics.
Good luck!
Beth
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Joined: May 2009
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Hey Mackie,
Comments below, keep or sweep
I agree with the others about the drums...throws everything off. quite distracting.
Lyrically, the verses aren't doing their job to support the chorus. Ralph Murphy says that you should be able to insert the title after the first or second line and it should have a connection. Here it doesn't:She messed around down in funk town
Found a new Bo makin’ her rounds
IF BLUES WERE CANDYAlso, you have a variation of the title in the Chorus, instead of the actual title. Not a good idea to confuse the listeners, although songwriters and artists with a hit track record can get away with it.
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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The drums were a little distracting but the lyrics were more distracting. I dig the vocal and the theme but not the pralines an cream.
An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
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CALVIN--
GUESS I'LL HAVE TO DO A BARE BONES MP3--
I'VE RE-WRITTEN THE LYRICS--I'M KEEPING THE PRALINES AND CREAM LINE--SINCE I CAN'T HAVE SUGAR ANYMORE, I CAN HAVE MY SWEETNESS IN A SONG--
I ALWAYS APPRECIATE YOUR FEEDBACK!
LATER,
Mackie
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MICHELE--
YES, YES, THIS ONE NEEDS A LOT OF WORK--I'LL PROBABLY TAKE THE DRUMS OUT AND SUB A BASS--
THANKS FOR TUNING THIS ONE IN!
I LEARN FROM MY FEEDBACK--
Mackie
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
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Hi Mackie, What? I leave for a bit and when I come back you're playing with a freakin' band? What's up with that? What I always enjoy about your songs is their rawness, sorrow and vulnerability, sparse guitar and emotional vocals, all of that. I get the need to grow and expand and, generally speaking, I wouldn't knock additional instrumentation, but for me, it takes away from all the things I like about your songs. I'm a less is more kinda person. Just for comparison sake, put up a g/v version. Maybe we're all full of it and you're right! Ricki
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STAN THE MAN--
I APPRECIATE YOUR WATCHFUL EYE--I'M IN THE PROCESS OF RE-DOING THIS ONE---TRYING TO USE MOST OF THE SUGGESTIONS--HAVE CHANGED THE MELODY AND SOME OF THE LYRIC.
LATER,
Mackie
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HELLO BETH--
I'M TICKLED YOU TUNED THIS ONE IN--I'M WORKING TO RECTIFY A LOT OF THE IDEAS TOSSED IN THE FRAY--I'M THINKING SOME BASS AND GUITAR--NO DRUMS--
WE'LL SEE HOW IT WORKS OUT!
THSANKS,
Mackie
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TAGGY --
I APPRECIATE YOUR CANDOR--I CAN'T HAVE MUCH SUGAR ANYMORE, THAT MAKES ME LIKE THAT LINE MORE--FOR NOW I'LL LEAVE PRALINES AND CREAM IN THE SONG--I AM WORKING ON A RE-WRITE--HAVE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS--
THANKS,
Mackie
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SHAYNE--
THE JURY IS STILL OUT ON THIS SONG--I'M DOING A MACKIE RE-WRITE WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT COVER ALL YOUR 'NITS--ANYWAY, I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT, AND WILL CHANGE SOME THINGS--I'M HONING THE MELODY SOMEWHAT--WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES--
THANKS,
Mackie
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RICKI--
WELL, I'M RE-DOING THE MUSIC AND SMOOTHING THE STORY SOME--I'LL POST IT ONLY IF IT TURNS OUT BETTER--I ALWAYS LEARN FROM YOUR FEEDBACK-
THANKS FOR LENDING AN EAR!
Mackie
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I like your title, but you didn't really utilize it.
I was expecting something like
"If blues was candy
Life would be sweet
If candy was blues
I'd have plenty to eat
I'd rot out my teeth
And my waistline would be expanding
If blues was candy..."
The drums sounded a little hip-hoppish to me, which I thought worked since she was messing around in "down in funk town".
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KURT--
EVERY-WHICH-WAY-BUT-LOOSE-----THERE IS A SONG IN THERE SOMEWHERE--I EVEN DID A VERSION: IF BLUES WERE SWEET--I'D HAVE MY CANDY NEVER GOT THE STORY SORTED OUT--YOU'RE WELCOME TO DO A NOVELTY VERSION IF YOU WANT TO.
I APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS FROM MUSIC CITY--
LATER,
Mackie
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Joined: Jan 2003
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Mackie... there are several ways to go with this, as suggested from the others, I kind of think... if blues were sweet, you'd be my candy. Or something like that. Just a thought, keep working on this one, I like it! :)))) scotty
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SCOTTY--
THANKS FOR WEIGHIN' IN ON THIS ONE--
YES, I'M STILL WORKIN' ON THE LYRIC AND MUSIC IDEAS--HERE'S MY LATEST LYRIC:
BLUES AIN’T SWEET
© 2012 Mackie Humphries
V1
She’s gone back down to Funk Town
With a new Bo she’s slippin’ ‘round
Everybody knows ‘bout her brass bed
Those big mirrors all trimmed in red.
PRE
My whole world has turned up side down
Now I’m singin’ the blues out loud.
CH
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane
No Pralines and Cream or cocoa thing
I’m left hangin’ by a tiny thread
Knowing I’m not over her yet
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
.......................SOLO........................
V2
She won’t leave the bad side of town
I can’t forget she put me down
Cos that mirror next to our bed
Lipstick letters written in red:
PRE2
Please forgive the things I’ve done
Ain’t no way back our course has run”.
CH
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane
No Pralines and Cream or cocoa thing
I’m left hangin’ by a tiny thread
Knowing I’m not over her yet
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
OUTRO
I’m left hangin’ by a tiny thread
Knowing I’m not over her yet
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
I'LL KEEP AFTER IT!
Mackie
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Hi Mackie,
I see you’re still working on this. My two cents is this: I like the visuals you’ve created. I read both versions and think you took out a cool line:
Sugar coated lies painted bright red
I like the play on the “sugar coated” with your hook. Maybe that line could go in one of the verses or something? I don't know, but I like the idea behind it all and think it’s on its way!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Mackie, I think you have some cool lines in here. I'm not crazy about v2 going back to town/down, I'd prefer some new info there. I'll leave the musical side of this to those who are qualified. Dottie
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KRISTI--
THANKS FOR YOUR THOUGHTS, I PUT A FEW LINES BACK IN--SOMETIMES THE ORIGINAL WORKS BETTER IN THE LONG RUN!
CHANGES IN RED:
BLUES AIN’T SWEET
© 2012 Mackie Humphries
V1
She’s gone back down to Funk Town
With a new Bo she’s slippin’ ‘round
Everybody knows ‘bout her brass bed
[color:#FF0000]Walls and mirrors all trimmed in red.
PRE
My whole world’s turned up side down
Now I’m singin’ the blues out loud.
CH
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane
No Pralines and Cream or cocoa thing
I’m left hangin’ by a tiny thread
Sugar coated lies still flash bright red
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
.......................SOLO........................
V2
She’s still spreadin’ her love around
I can’t forget she put me down
On that mirror next to our bed
Lipstick letters written in red:
PRE2
“Please forgive the things I’ve done
Ain’t no way back the devil's won”.
CH
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane
No Pralines and Cream or cocoa thing
I’m left hangin’ by a tiny thread
Sugar coated lies still flash bright red
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
OUTRO
I’m left hangin’ by a tiny thread
Sugar coated lies still flash bright red
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.
Blues ain’t sweet like a candy cane.[/color]
Mackie
Last edited by Mackie H.; 11/04/12 01:38 AM.
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DOTTIE--
THANKS GIRL--I CHANGED V2 LINE 1--
She’s still spreadin’ her love around
LATRR,
Mackie
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