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My good friend Joe Ryan keeps writing great lyrics and this is his latest award winning lyric that I'm just getting started working on...Rough Writer's Worktape here, just acoustic guitars and voclas for now
I hope you all are doing welll...thx...mj

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=626562&songID=11752112

EAST NASHVILLE (Joe Ryan 6/2012)

V
A sky lined in silver Streets paved in gold
On a Greyhound to Nashville I turned 19 years old
Dreamin bout money The women and the fame
Got a second hand Fender And a pocket full of change

V
Found a small flat On the east side of town
Where visions of stardom Lay scattered around
These songwriter suburbs Filled with the dreams
Of mailbox money And black limosuines

Ch
Steel guitars echo through the hilltops
Fiddles gently whisper through the trees
Pray that fame can find me here in Nashville
Living in East Nashville Tennessee

V
Sweepin out a warehouse Ten hours a day
Ain't no good living Barely pays my way
Nights playin this Fender Living on the dream
Of mailbox money And black limousines

Ch
Steel guitars echo through the hilltops
Fiddles gently whisper through the trees
Pray that fame can find me here in Nashville
Living in East Nashville Tennessee

Br
These smoky eastside bars Have launched a thousand stars
Ain't no way I'm ever going home

(Out)
A sky lined in silver Streets paved in gold
On the east side of Nashville

Hi Moker and Joe,

I had this one picked to win! I agree with you Moker Joe just keeps cranking them out. This reminds me I never went back and commented after the contest was over. Man, I was so buy getting ready for the 4th of July party that I forgot. To be honest I did think about it at times but when I had a chance to do antything about it I would forget again. Yeah, it sucks getting old!

Ok on to this song. The first thing I noticed was maybe the chorus should come after v1 that would put it right under the 1 minute mark. Then you could have the 2nd verse, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus just an idea.

There are too many awesome lines in here to point them all out Joe.

I know this is just a worktape so I won't comment on that plus lol I couldn't say anything useful.

I do look forward to hearing this when it's finished. I hope you'll have full production then.

Dottie

Hey Moker and Joe,

Disclaimer:
If this lyric/song is not intended as a pitch for the commercial market, disregard the following comments/tweaks.--Shayne

I like the demo and music a lot, but this is the type of lyric that an artist will write (about the business or rising to become successful at it), not an outside writer. I wrote a couple of lyrics like this early on and got rejected solely on this reason from Nashville publishers.

Easy fix? Make it [color:#FF0000]third person. Good luck.[/color]

This has got the making of cracking track my. It's got a real cool old skool vibe. Loved it now get it finished!

this going to be a kicker when ya'll get it done.I like it!

Hi Moker,

A good one!

~Jackie

Dottie, Thanks for the listen, I have a few thoughts also on how to get that chorus to come in a little quicker and shorten the song time maybe 20 seconds or so...your idea is a good one...thanks for the visit...be well...moker

Hi Shayne, Joe and I talked about that song writer song stigma...3rd person is a good idea...thx...be well...moker

MOKE AND JOE--

THIS ONE IS SHIFTING GEARS AND SMOKIN'--SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT DANCE SONG!

GOOD LUCK WITH IT!

Mackie

moke and joe... congrats!!! this is a good one looking to get better!!! some excellent comments already so run with them!! :))))) scotty

Andy, thanks for the comment from across the big pond mate...i've got the ideas now, all i've got to do is find time to rewrite and re-record the next version...thx. be well...any Olympics mania starting over your way yet?...mj

Michael, Thanks for the listen man...hope summer is throwing you a few easy pitches to round the bases with...be well...moker

Jackie, Glad You liked it!
We spent alot of time down in Dunnellon for a few years , had a place on the Withlacoochee right by the Rainbow River for a few years...pretty laid back place...be well and thanks for the listen....moker

No problem Moker. I realy dig this tune a lot, it's got a great hook.

As for the Olympics it's starting to get a bit mad over here for sure. The latest is they're getting the army to do most of the security at the games. This seem s to be down to the private firm who were supposed to be doing it, can't train enough guards in time lol
Only in the UK...

I can't believe you coaxed all that music out of a couple of acoustic guitars

It's got a great vibe, Moker - best of luck with it.

Scott

Every one is talking about the vibe in this song...and I can see why =) takes me here takes me there hits me oh every where just get it finished already =p .. Good job guys. Keep em coming.

Mackie,
thanks for tuning in...been a little busy lately with life...august is going to be a month where I'm involved with alot of music though so lookin forward to that. hope things are going well for you....moke

Richard,
Thanks buddy...I'm still drawn to the feel on this one myself...ultimately it needs to be more country and I think we can pull that off with instrumentation and vocal inflection...I have made some musical rewrite decisions just haven't recorded them yet...c ya ...thx...mj

What a great listen Moker, this has a good sound to it, hope you re-post if you make changes!

Tammy

Hi Scott, sorry for the delayed response...thx for the listen, yeah, I Know I have an issue of too much music sometimes, that's when I'm having too much fun am trying to let my strengths help cover my weaknesses...the truth is funny sometimes...ha...see ya...moke

Brandon, thx for the vibe kudos, i'll get around to the next version soon, i hope...thx...mj

Tammy, thanks for poppin in for a listen, I hope things are going well for you...moker

Guess I missed this one until now...... definitely a great groove and melody. Like Shayne, I have reservations about an artist singing about himself that way unless he is someone of note, but your mileage may vary.

I will be looking forward to hearing the finished version. Nice guitar work by the way!

Colin, thanks so much for taking a listen...we have plans to put this in 3rd person and shorten it up just a bit in a few places... no real aspirations other than to make it the best it can be... not quite sure why I don't crank 'em out as fast as I used to, just don't... I think the band being more active and playing out alot more may have something to do with it, ya know gettin my music fix live rather than in there recording...time will tell...always does...be well...mj

Great to hear one from you Moker. You sound really good here, the music fits well with the lyrics. You've got it all going on. Well done!

Ricki

Hi Ricki, I hope things are going well for you up in the land of cheese! always a pleasure to have you pop in. Thanks for the encouragement...career is sucking the life out of my writing lately, so yeah, it's good to see one from me on this side too!...ha...I've still got it, just mostly playing live these days a few times a month anyway...why can't life be more about pizza, beer, music, and skinny dippin, in reverse order of course, like it was back in college ?

Hi Moker,

Struck right off by the really fine guitar playing. Great energy to this 'rough worktape'.

A lyrical nit: If you're going to have a song about the "east" part of town, IMO you've gotta explain why the east side is special or significant. The 'east' concept is the hook and focus of the chorus, but it's not so much of the verses. It's sort of an aside in the verses.

Anyway, really nice tune. I really like the held out 'living'. It's a good melodic contrast and it 'makes' the hook.

Peace,

Ian

Hi Moker,

This one has all the makings of a great song. Love the guitar work you're doin--pulls ya right in from the get go. Lyrics--they speak for themselves. No nits from em that's for sure. Can't wait to hear the final product. great start for sure, take care,
roger

Ian,
How ya been doin' man?
Thanks for the listen. Good points you bring up, I'll direct Joe to the comments. As you know from writing alot, the drawn out melody on "livin' just kind of happened and felt like it was workin to me, thanks for a confirmation on that. I think I'm gonna have to ask just what is it about that East side...ha...see ya, be well...moker

Man Moker,

You sure got a lot of sound out of a couple acoustic guitars. Imagine if a whole band was behind this. Your usual bang up job.

Stevie

Hi Roger, nice to hear from you. I appreciate the listen, maybe things will afford me some time to unwind and jump back on this one soon. Played a beautiful gig downtown on the River at River City Brewing Co. last night, a great setting and we were on... we let a duo of younger artists play our breaks and they were a great listen too, girl had near perfect pitch, most don't...take care...moker

Stevie B,
Thanks for the listen and comments. We spent a little time up in Asheville recently, beautiful part of the country. keep it rockin'...be well...moker

Oh man! If I had known we could have hooked up and I could have shaken your hand. We're just an hour away.

Stevie

Hi Moker

Great vibe to this --- sounds kind of like you have at least a couple of 12 strings haha,,,

cool sound overall ! == My apologies if I repeat any comments -- I did not review. The only thing that I would change is the doubling of vocal tracks for Both the verse and the chorus --- and being somewhat predictable I'd choose the chorus = that's my only nit and it's more a personal preference - not that it sounds unacceptable as is presented here.

Wishing you great success !
jm