7 members (Gary E. Andrews, couchgrouch, bennash, Sunset Poet, Gavin Sinclair, Fdemetrio, 1 invisible),
4,740
guests, and
341
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Let me know what you think! Thanks all..... Listen here at soundcloud ! http://soundcloud.com/homelesstom/just-because JUST BECAUSE I kissed my mother on the cheek When I left home at seventeen I jumped a Greyhound to L.A. Blue Ridge Texas seemed a world away Nobody cares who you are You’re just another kid with a cheap guitar That’s just the way it was Ain’t nobodys fault, it was just because Been called white trash but I had style Doin’ what I shouldn’t, puttin’ on the miles Livin’ was hard but I was livin’ free Still I’m nowhere near the place I thought I’d be My vagabond heart won’t let me stay It takes me further up that lost highway I know a man’s judged by what he does Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because Most men marry and settle down But I ain’t one to hang around I know a man’s judged by what he does Ain’t nobodys fault it’s just because The days and nights all seem the same You reconcile your dreams with what they became The only star up in my sky Is the one overhead on the Texaco sign I’ll keep movin’ til I can’t no more Til I find what is I been lookn’ for I ain’t nobody I never was Ain’t nobodys fault it’s just because
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581 |
Welcome to JPF Tom,
This is really good stuff. Love the lyric and the arrangement is sweet. Only thing missing is a bassline to give it some bottom end. Still sounds good as is though.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Tom,
Sounding good! Reminds me of The Weary Kind. A few lines would sing better if they were a bit less wordy.
Nice job.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427 |
Hi Tom, Welcome to JPF! This is the 1st song I've heard from you and since I'm not sure what you're looking for as far a critique I'll just write whatever pops in my head while I listen.  That’s just the way it was Ain’t nobodys fault, it was just because I expected you to tell us why since you say it was because.  Been called white trash but I had style Doin’ what I shouldn’t, puttin’ on the miles Livin’ was hard but I was livin’ free Still I’m nowhere near the place where I thought I’d be I just thing that would sing smoother.My vagabond heart won’t let me stay I like vagabond heart but I think if you could come up with something we haven't heard before it would be better.It takes me further up that lost highway Same with lost highway.I know a man’s judged by what he does Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because I think it would be very cool if you had a chorus that explained what it was because of.  I love this! The only star up in my sky Is the one overhead on the Texaco sign Again I think it sounds good, you have a nice voice easy to listen to.  Dottie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,301
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,301 |
Hi Tom , First of all , thanks for sharing .
I really enjoyed the listening and performance .
All the best Jan
"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is. Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1 |
TOM--
WELCOME--
I LIKE THE IDEA OF THIS ONE--
I OFFER MY TAKE IN CAPS FOR OPTIONS: PARRED SOME CHANGED SOME FOR MEANING AND METER--USE OR LOSE!
JUST BECAUSE
I kissed mama on HER cheek When I left home at seventeen I CAUGHT THE Greyhound HEADIN’ WEST. ALL Texas TOWNS LOOK LIKE THE REST WHERE nobody careS who you are Just another kid with HIS cheap guitar PLAYING FOR TIPS IN SMALL DANCE HALLS Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because
Been called white trash but I STILL SMILE LEARNIN’ TO LIVE, EACH HIGHWAY mile TIMES ARE hard but I’M STILL free I WANT MY NAME ON THE MARQUEE My RESTLESS heart won’t let me stay LIFE TAKES ME DOWN the lost highway WANT BRIGHT LIGHTS AND LOUD APPLAUSE Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because
Most men marry and settle down But I’M NOT one to hang around A MAN IS GAGED by THINGS he does Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because
The days and nights all seem the same Had A BAD dream I CAN’T EXPLAIN The only star up in my sky Is one ABOVE the Texaco sign I’ll keep TRAVELIN’UNTIL I DROP MAYBE ONE DAY I’LL BE ON TOP STILL ain’t nobody I never was Ain’t nobodys fault it’s just because
Most men marry and settle down But I’M NOT one to hang around A MAN IS GAGED by THINGS he does Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just because …………………………it’s just because.
Mackie
Last edited by Mackie H.; 04/24/12 08:11 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,683
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,683 |
I'm listening to this for the 3rd time, which is a good thing...love the lyrics, the music and the vocals...and how funny, I'm not far from Blue Ridge Texas...I'm in Princeton...
glyn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
Enjoyed the listen. Brought back Simon and Garfunkel. Of course, you are not really homeless, are you? Jim Colyer
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 158
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 158 |
Nice guitar and keys etc..just add bottom and drums and finee !!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks Stevie.....yer awesome! I appreciate the kind words.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks Darrell...I was performing this live acoustically and just threw it down I'll play around with a bass...wuddaya think of Cello?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Wow..Simon and Garfunkel...thanks Jim for checkin' it out. Not homeless...this year. LOL....
Last edited by Homeless Tom; 04/25/12 10:33 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Wow glynda...how cool you know where Blue Ridge is....i have family there. And Dumas......thanks for the listen, and kind words.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks so much Jan. I appreciate it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Hi Colin....ya know...I heard that one line in the "Weary Kind". Do you think I should change it? I decided to keep it in there as I was already performing it. Thanks so much for listening.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Mackie, and Dottie. Thanks so much for the lyrical suggestions. I'll play around with it some. I'm so used to singing it this way, I just ran with it. I have been refered to as "wordy" from time to time by people. LOL...thanks so much for taking the time to listen! You RULE!
p.s. Mackie...i love the lyrical ideas you presented to me. I started playing around a bit, but then wondered if the song was really about a guy lamenting the fact he wasn't a star. It really is more about a guy looking back, and thinking he might have screwed up in general over the years. not so much about not becoming a name up on the marquee. it really changed the direction of the song to me I think, although they're awesome ideas......
Last edited by Homeless Tom; 05/04/12 03:40 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711 Likes: 18
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711 Likes: 18 |
Hi, Homeless Tom, I like this a lot. This is a show opener or ender. A "this is who I am" kinda anthem song, and it reminds of the kind of thing that Townes Van Zandt coulda written, in his prime. This feels like the real deal, to me.  There are no wasted words or lines. It all paints a picture of a man with mixed emotions about where he came to be, in life, and a man who has held on to his dignity, despite not living up to his own expectations, or those of others...this self-effacing kinda material is difficult to write, without coming off maudlin, or giving away "too much" --with this kinda song, details may be less important than "the big picture." I know a man’s judged by what he does Ain’t nobodys fault, it’s just becauseThere's so much emotion, stoically hidden behind these lines. That's why this song is so powerful; the palpable restraint, in what the singer chooses to say, and to make me feel that restraint. That's a rare gift. BRAVO!!! Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/26/12 02:56 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Michael, thank you so much. This review just made my day. I think every songwriter wants to connect with the listener in this way. I appreciate you giving me a listen, thanks again!
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067 |
Hey Tom, I enjoyed the listen! Tweaks below, keep or sweep  The days and nights all seem the same You reconcile your dreams with what they became The only star up in my sky Is the one above me on the Texaco sign ( seems to flow better) I’ll keep movin’ til I can’t no more Til I find what my heart's been lookn’ for I ain’t nobody I never was Ain’t nobodys fault it’s just because
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1 |
Hi Tom, Nice to meet ya & WELCOME to JPF ! This is a cool song & a cool performance too. and I really like this part a lot.... The only star up in my sky Is the one overhead on the Texaco sign The song has a very soothing sound. Have a good day. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616 |
Welcome Tom Outstanding work. Beautiful arrangement and the vocals and harmonies are spot on.
The Uke or Mandolin in the bridge was a pleasant surprise.
enjoyed the listen
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8 |
Really liked the lyric and vocal on this. Great music. A few lines are a bit rushed, I'd trim them, but overall a really nice song!
Tammy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 623
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 623 |
ABsolutely beautiful and haunting song. Loved the minor chords and the way your vocal made the most of them. Lyrically some of the best and freshest lines I've heard in awhile. Like others I agree that the heart and soul of this piece is the couplet: "I know a man's judged by what he does, ain't nobody's fault it's just because."
Like Calvin I also really loved the Texaco line. That's just truly awesome writing using a familiar thing that we instantly call to mind to convey an incredibly sad but extremely poignant message.
I have nothing but praise for this piece. Your guitar work was excellent and carried the lyric perfectly, providing just the right atmosphere for the words but never intruding. Your vocal was also very good and despite the fact that a couple of lines were a little rushed I believe that it made the song more real. Too much polish is not always a good thing.
Outstanding work Homeless T. Get it out there and make it happen.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Wow Bobby, I'm really floored.....thank you so very much.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
Everything here is awesome!I love the lyric and the music.The truth be sung!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 52
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 52 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks Michael...i've gotten so much positive feedback on this tune I'm like floatin' ten feet off the ground! LOL....
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks for given me a listen David!!!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404 |
Hey Tom...I didn't have the time to read the other posts but two things stuck out for me...the word "reconcile" just felt outta place for me and I was really wanting to hear "because" fleshed out a bit more.
Just MHO.
Nice work though...
Larry
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,913 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,913 Likes: 9 |
Pleasure to listen to all the way through Tom. Star quality. Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks Vicarn.....and thanks Larry.....i'm tryin' to work through the wordiness of some of my tunes. thanks for takin't he time to gimmie a listen guys....
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1 |
Great song, just awesome. I love "The only star up in my sky, is the one overhead on the Texaco sign..." and the "I know a man's judged by what he does..." line. This is a guy that's not blaming anyone for how his life turned out. The acoustic guitar is beautiful on this one, and the sparse arrangement really adds to the forlorn feel of the song. Could be a hit!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Casual Observer
|
OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 24 |
Thanks BonB....really appreciate the feedback...
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,424
Posts1,159,535
Members21,469
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"Talent + Drive + Knowledge = Success" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|