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#962003 - 05/31/12 02:03 PM An Angel To Be - Drifter  
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 886
Drifter Offline
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Drifter  Offline
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Hey, All! This is a country music work in progress and I'm looking for sugs for the second verse where the 'Angel To Be' succumbs to, cancer? Stroke? Something else? Different tact? She leaves two kids behind? Interested in 50/50 co-write? Thanks in advance!

-Dave

An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter

V1

A waitress down at the diner
Where I eat lunch ev'ry day
She never made a lot in tips
And She sure didn't get much pay
Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays
When it came to collection time
She couldn't give as much as them
Scraped by on nickels and dimes

Ch1

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be

'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock
Yeah I know it marks one's place in life
But I heard parishioners talk
They said She wouldn't live life their way
But why would She walk their walk?
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock

V2 ?

Ch2

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be

?


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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#962034 - 05/31/12 08:04 PM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
Joined: May 2004
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Bump in the rump smile


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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#962042 - 05/31/12 10:46 PM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
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Oh...forgot to mention. I have music in mind for this one and I say the word music only because I hate the words 'musicate', 'musication' etc. It's like fingernails raking a chalkboard to the tenth power. lol


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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#962088 - 06/01/12 08:32 AM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
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Bump


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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#962117 - 06/01/12 11:53 AM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,982
John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Not big on these sad kinda lyrics, but this is stellar....

'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock




If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#962125 - 06/01/12 12:26 PM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Dottie Offline
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Hi Dave,

There is SO much I love about this! A few comments below. smile

An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter

V1

A waitress down at the diner
Where I eat ate lunch ev'ry day It looks like this line needs to be past tense.
She never made a lot in tips
And She sure didn't get much pay
Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays Folks frowned at her on Sunday I get this but maybe make it a litte clearer.
When it came to collection time
She couldn't give as much as them
Scraped by on nickels and dimes Cause she needed every dime I like the old line better. [color:#CC33CC]I read this yesterday but didn't have time to give it my full attention. [/color]

Ch1

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can could see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!

'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock I suggest changing this line and saving this, for the last line of this verse. Actually it's such a GREAT line you could write another lyric with this title! You know what, maybe save it for the bridge and that would lead really well back into the chorus!
Yeah I know it marks one's place in life
But I heard parishioners talk
They said She wouldn't live life their way
But why would She walk their walk?
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock
Excellent writing here!
V2 ? I thought the part starting with "no grave" was v2?

Ch2

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be

I think with a little more work on v2, and adding the lines mentioned above for a bridge you'll have an awesome lyric! smile

Dottie

#962279 - 06/02/12 11:50 AM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
Not big on these sad kinda lyrics, but this is stellar....

'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock


Hey, John! Thanks for your input and the 'thumb's up' on that couplet.! Sorry you see this as a sad lyric. I do 'get' what you're saying though but point out that, in the end, this woman has escaped her tormentors. smile


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

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#962280 - 06/02/12 11:57 AM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Dottie]  
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 886
Drifter Offline
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Posts: 886
Hey, Dottie! Thanks for your comments! I'm going to have to take some time out of my evening 'kickback' hours tonight before I respond to your sugs. TY for them!:)


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

Myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/davidjacksonsongwriter

Soundclick:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1079737
#962310 - 06/02/12 03:22 PM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Louisiana
ya got a pretty good one here Drifter.Money don't get you in Heaven anyway,i think she'll find her way.

#962435 - 06/03/12 12:24 PM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Dottie]  
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 886
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Posts: 886
Originally Posted by Dottie
Hi Dave,

There is SO much I love about this! A few comments below. smile

An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter

V1

A waitress down at the diner
Where I eat ate lunch ev'ry day It looks like this line needs to be past tense.
She never made a lot in tips
And She sure didn't get much pay
Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays Folks frowned at her on Sunday I get this but maybe make it a litte clearer.
When it came to collection time
She couldn't give as much as them
Scraped by on nickels and dimes Cause she needed every dime I like the old line better. [color:#CC33CC]I read this yesterday but didn't have time to give it my full attention. [/color]

Ch1

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can could see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!

'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock I suggest changing this line and saving this, for the last line of this verse. Actually it's such a GREAT line you could write another lyric with this title! You know what, maybe save it for the bridge and that would lead really well back into the chorus!
Yeah I know it marks one's place in life
But I heard parishioners talk
They said She wouldn't live life their way
But why would She walk their walk?
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock
Excellent writing here!
V2 ? I thought the part starting with "no grave" was v2?

Ch2

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be

I think with a little more work on v2, and adding the lines mentioned above for a bridge you'll have an awesome lyric! smile

Dottie


An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter

V1

A waitress down at the diner
Where I eat ate lunch ev'ry day It looks like this line needs to be past tense. Guy still eats there but could be confusing. Changed all tenses where suggested in lyric suggested.
She never made a lot in tips
And She sure didn't get much pay
Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays Folks frowned at her on Sunday I get this but maybe make it a litte clearer. Folks frowned awkward to sing. People would not meet her gaze, kind of a visual shunning. Also need quickening of music here and "eyes'd" works to a T.
When it came to collection time
She couldn't give as much as them
Scraped by on nickels and dimes Cause she needed every dime I like the old line better. I read this yesterday but didn't have time to give it my full attention. Okay, the old line it is then.

Ch1

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can could see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! TY!

'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock I suggest changing this line and saving this, for the last line of this verse. Actually it's such a GREAT line you could write another lyric with this title! You know what, maybe save it for the bridge and that would lead really well back into the chorus! I like your idea of using this couplet for a bridge -- think it would be most effective there and would lead nicely into the chorus. TY for pointing it out.
Yeah I know it marks one's place in life
But I heard parishioners talk
They said She wouldn't live life their way
But why would She walk their walk?
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her
And a tombstone's just a rock Excellent writing here!
V2 ? I thought the part starting with "no grave" was v2? Have a good idea where to go with V2 now.

Ch2

There was so much more to Her
Than the blind at heart can see
Those who think too highly of themselves
Felt above an angel to be

I think with a little more work on v2, and adding the lines mentioned above for a bridge you'll have an awesome lyric! Dottie you're a peach! Will post the revised lyric below later -- think you deserve a 'co-write' if you'd like. Let me know...Thanks again! smile

Dottie



"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

Myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/davidjacksonsongwriter

Soundclick:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1079737
#962438 - 06/03/12 12:56 PM Re: An Angel To Be - Drifter [Re: Drifter]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Dottie Offline
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Dottie  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Hi Dave,

I sent you a PM. smile

Dottie


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