JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Cowrite with Travis David and a plea for help.....

Hey guys, a few weeks ago I chimed in on this lyric for Travis. He asked me to co with him, but we all know I suck on guitar. I've tried and tried but cannot come up with anything I'd even want to hear. If there might be an interested party to maybe pick and sing this one out please let one of us know. I’m hearing it as Country/Bluegrass so it’s gonna need a picker and vocal, that’s pretty much all. If anyone would be ever so kind as to help us out, we would certainly be thankful!


Oh, and Hi Travis!

Hurts Like a Dagger Through My Heart
©2012 TRAVIS DAVID ( and me )

You said you don't want me
when did these feelings start
i've been fooling myself
hurts like a dagger through my heart

it's lonely in this wooden shack
snow fall's off the charts
won't be long til you won't be back
hurts like a dagger through my heart

BRIDGE maybe
coffee brewing over the fire
dog whines as the flames get higher

right about here is some really cool guitar playing

i'm gonna have to go and find me
a new woman to play your part
maybe she can take away this pain
that's like a dagger through my heart

Damn it Caroline, we're reduced to begging now. I'll be taking in washing soon lol. I did do a further rewrite on this somewhere in the system.
Travis

There's a few that can pick bluegrass on here.
Hang on in you two.
Vic

YOUALL--

HERE ARE MY OPTIONS--CALL OF THE WILD KIND OF OFFERINGS--IT SINGS OK AS AN ACOUSTIC PIECE--TRY AND GET VIC TO PUT HIS JOHNNY CASH VOX ON IT--IF HE WON'T, I MAY TRY TO VOCALIZE-


Dagger Through My Heart
©2012 TRAVIS DAVID ( and CAROLINE ) AND MACKIE
V
You TELL ME I’M NOT WANTED
HOW WE’VE DRIFTED TOO FAR APART
I’M TIRED OF TRYING TO FOOL myself
YOU’VE STUCK a dagger through my heart
V
it's lonely AS HELL IN THIS LINE shack
snow’S FALLING RIGHT OFF THE charts
YOU TELL ME you AIN’T COMING back
THAT STICKS a dagger through my heart

BRIDGE
I MISS YOU brewing coffee IN THE FIREPLACE
OLD DOG whines COS HE’S MISSING YOUR FACE

........SOLO........
V
it's lonely AS HELL IN THIS LINE shack
snow’S FALLING RIGHT OFF THE charts
YOU TELL ME you AIN’T COMING back
YOU’VE STUCK a dagger through my heart

OUTRO
WHEN WEATHER BREAKS I’M HEADING SOUTH
IN JUARZ A SENORITA WILL play your part
I'LL GET HER TO LOVE away this pain
FROM YOUR dagger through my heart

Oh Travis,

I'm so sorry I upset you! I'm just trying to get music for this.


I'm not begging though, a Southern lady never ever begs!!!

Would you be so kind as to post the rewrite you've done?

Hi Vic,

There are so many amazing musicians here, any one of them could put this to a toe tapping melody, easily.

Mackie,
You're such a cool guy! Im going to let Travis make any changes as he would see them necessary. I'm afraid I may have overstepped a bit....but I do like what you've done. Thanks so much!

I was joking Caroline! Put it down to my irreverent British sense of humour.
I'll dig that rewrite out but you may go for the one you posted, which is OK by me. I'll post it on a reply instead of above your posting.
I originally wrote it after listening to a 1940s/50s Bill Monroe number.So the lyric may come over as dated?
Travis

Hurts Like a Dagger. (REWRITE 4)Country/Bluegrass
v
You told me you don't want me
darlin' when did those feelings start?
Seems I've been fooling myself
hurts like a dagger through my heart
v
Alone in our old wooden shack
snow falls off the chart
Doubt you'll ever return now
hurts like a dagger through my heart

Instrumental banjo,guitar fiddle
b
This cabin was our hideaway
became my prison when you went away
v
Another coffee 'round the fire
wind howls and our dogs bark
See your face dancing in the flames,
hurts like a dagger through my heart
v
Phone lines down you can't call me
we're a million miles apart
need to hear your voice say, darlin'
hurts like a dagger through my heart

Hi Caroline:

I read the first lyric and have some ideas for the song. Feel free to use them or put them in the round file. If you can't find someone to "musicate" the song, I'll be happy to do my version for you if the two of you care to incorporate the changes below:

You told me you don't want me
when did these feelings start
I'm tired of lying to myself
you're like a dagger in my heart

It's lonely in this old line-shack
the snows been "off the chart"
I know you won't be coming back
our love has come apart.

Bridge or whatever:

The coffee on that old wood stove
is colder than your kissing
There has to be another way
to find the love I'm missing...

I need to find another face
someone to "play your part"
So I can let her love erase
the dagger in my heart.


To my way of thinking... it's a country ballad. The guy is a cowhand in the ranch's line shack out in the middle of nowhere in a big snowstorm. I did not see where the dog added anything to the song but a line or two can be "worked in" if need be.

In it's present form (yours or mine) the song is probably going to be under three minutes and may need some longer musical breaks, intro and ending to stretch it out a little.

I can probably have a melody written and record and vocalize the thing in a couple of days. No charge. You asked for help... and I'm happy to offer it. Then you can do anything you want with the song and keep the proceeds for yourselves. Too many "cooks" in the kitchen can easily spoil the meal.

Just let me know. Regardless, best of luck.

Dave

Hi Travis,
I'm sorry, I should have known you were joking. I guess I'm a but emotional these days. I have some personal health issues going on and I have to decide what to do and when to do it. I know better than anyone here being mean spirited, I'll try to think a bit more and not include my mental state in my posts. Lol

I'd love to see what you've written. Mackie has some gods suggs too and if he'd be willing to strum it out do you think you'd like to hear what he comes up with after we work out the kinks in the lyric?

Dave,
That's so sweet of you! Give Travis and I a few days (probably a fewore than a few bc I'm going out of town for the weekend) and we can look over everything to come to an agreement on the final version. Mackie has some lines up there I like as well as what you've done. It's really going to be up to Travis as to how we proceed. I do so appreciate you're help and offer. We will let you know soon.

Thanks so much!

Hi Caroline and Travis:

No pressure intended. I have no "axe to grind" or "dog in the fight." It seems to have potential for being a good country song and if I can help, give me a PM 'cause I don't check these forums (lyrics) that often. Best of luck with it.

Dave

Hey Caroline
A good lyric by Travis and yourself But I think it needs a chorus
so here's my suggestion.
"Each time I think about you
That dagger twists again
And everyday without you
Intensifies the pain
As the dagger twists again" Whatever you decide it should make a good song.

All the best
Joe

Hi Joe
Thanks for your take which could work.We are trying to get something underway vsoon
Travis