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#950872 03/18/12 03:11 PM
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Hi folks, a new song I've been working on here.

As always I have a youtube video of myself playing here : http://youtu.be/eTrDpJVWo9I

I'd love to hear what you think.

the wind has got me sideways and I
don't know the right way to go
free to a good home

and all I want is just a place to rest my bones
as I bed down alone
free to a good home

so if you see me wandering the streets at night
lonely shadow by the streetlight
won't you be kind to me?

'cause if I had someplace to be
or somebody waiting for me
you wouldn't see me

it's just the wind has got me sideways
so I can't see the right way to go
free to a good home
free to a good home

sir I'm not proud to be begging for your scraps
but if you had some change perhaps
toss it down here to the street

and if I use your change to buy a beer
it's only 'cause it's so cold out here
have you ever slept on concrete?

you know all I want is just a place to rest my bones
as I bed down alone
free to a good home

but if this wind keeps blowin' me sideways
i'll never find the right way to go
free to a good home
free to a good home

Last edited by ColinFerguson; 03/18/12 03:48 PM.
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Hi Colin.

I really like the feel of this, just reading the lyric. I didn't watch the You Tube link yet.

I was all prepared to like this because you set up a really nice story about a stray dog wandering the streets, looking for scraps and a place to sleep.

It was kind of an unexpected twist when later it's apparent the lyric, or that part of it at least, is about a homeless person asking for change and the fact that he might spend it on beer.

The problem for me is the line "free to a good home." That works perfectly if the song is only about a dog, which would make for a nice, heartwarming story.

But when thinking of a homeless person, "free to a good home" doesn't quite fit. It almost suggests, as with a stray puppy, that someone should take him in. I'm not sure that's what you really intend.

I do like the idea of the song being ambiguous in a way that the song could be about either a dog or a person or both. I just think you should rethink or rework the "good home" idea.

That's just my Sunday afternoon take on it. Others may see it differently. Over all, though, this is really quite good.

Greg


Last edited by Greg C. Brown; 03/18/12 07:43 PM.

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I never really considered that someone might get the impression I was talking about a dog, it was always meant to be a human being.

I was just trying to capture the feeling of being lost and alone with no particular place to go, a feeling I know pretty well.

Last edited by ColinFerguson; 03/19/12 08:59 PM.
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Hey Colin
I can readily identify with this as I lived on the streets in london for a while (it's tough)I like the "free to a good home" line,Ironic in a way. Good job

Joe

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hey Colin,ya got a cool one here!I like a hard luck story,off to watch the vid now!

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Thanks for taking the time to check this out guys. I had no fixed address for years in my late teens and early twenties, and while I was generally pretty good about finding places to stay there were times that I got caught in the cold with nowhere to go.

I generally spent that time just wandering around alone, and I was trying to capture that feeling.

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well Colin,i checked out the vid,i really enjoyed it!You look like you're in your late teens or early twentys now to me.Keep on keepin' on!

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I believe that you did capture the feeling here colin. this is quite poweful IMO and you brought me in straight away. My only nit would be it's length. Thought that you could tighten it up more without editing to much of the story.

Don't know if that is correct on my part but it is what I saw.

douglas


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Hi Colin, I love this!!! You did a really great job. It was beautiful and almost like a lullaby. You are so talented!! I wish that I could play guitar/sing like that~~ so awesome. I am going to share your video on my Facebook page. One day, when I find someone who will write the music for my lyrics, I hope that I find someone as talented as you.

Good luck,
Jackie


Jacqueline Richter
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Hi Jackie, thank you so much, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. And if you're looking for talented people to sing your songs, look up an open mic night in your area, the level of talent you'll find just waiting in the wings will blow you away. And thank you so much for sharing my work, positive word of mouth like that is the best thing I could hope for.

And Douglas I had actually considered cutting it for time a bit, but I'm still not sure where I stand on the idea.

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Hi Colin,

You have to cut this. It is so good!! If I was as talented as you are I would. Seriously!!! I like the song so much and I was having a discussion on Facebook the other day about the topic of homeless people. Everyone was saying how they are all scammers etc.. and my opinion was that at one time that was someone's little baby that they rocked at one time. I just always feel sorry for them.

Anyway, I think the song is beautiful and your talent just makes it that much more.

If you have a moment maybe you can check out one of my songs...Nashville, or Big Dreams and Cold Beer, on the lyric forum. I really appreciate all the critiques that I get and I am trying to learn from great talent like yourself.

Thanks so much,
Jackie




Jacqueline Richter
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Hi Jackie,

Thanks so much again, and you're right, the homeless problem is very complicated, there as many reasons to end up on the street as there are people on the street. Many are mentally ill, many are fleeing violence at home, and some of them are travelling people like myself who just got caught without a place to stay. Some spend days on the street, and some spend years, it's a complicated issue.

I'd be happy to take a look at some of your work, it'll likely have to wait until late tpnight because I have to work this evening, but I'll let you know what I think. I read a lot of people's lyrics on here but I find it hard to comment because I don't really know very much about the craft of songwriting, though I've been reading some books recently. All I can really comment on is the way things feel to me.

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Hi Colin,

I finally got to listen to this and it's very lovely and heartfelt all the way around! I do agree with Douglas that it could be a little shorter, and still have the same great impact.

Lisa

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Hi Lisa,

Thank you very much. I'm starting to see what people are telling me about the length. I think if anything the best idea would be to drop some of the lyrics in favour of an instrumental. (I'm learning harmonica smile )

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Hey Colin,
This has a great feel, but after a while the same chord patterns get tiring, IMO. Why not add a musical/lyrical lift after each two verses, and explain there why you are on the street?
--Shayne


“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard

Co-writing = Compromise!


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Hi Shayne,

I'd actually considered that, I'm thinking now that the way to go is to get my arse in gear and learn to play the harmonica properly. I've been playing the song back over and over and improvising over top, and it's starting to sound pretty decent.


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