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Hi guys, this is a lyric I penned a couple of years ago that I have really wanted to get music to it, so I am stoked to do a collaboration with Scenes from Palacio from the muses muse..his real name is Steve Ison. It's of course Steve's music and vocals and he also helped tweak the lyrics as well from the original to make them work better. We want to get input on it before we go futher. We need basically comments on the melody, lyrical content as it is a rough mix. Thanks so much guys!!! EDIT- May 24, 2012...we attempted changing a few things and mostly the chorus's lyric as well as the melody to hopefully improve it, would love your thoughts on whether we succeeded or not. We plan to keep it acoustic, thanks--please listen to new version and you can refer to old if you want to, thanks!!! OLD version in March...to compare if you want to
StrandedNew Versionof Stranded May 24 2012- http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11656856Lyrics- Kimberly Hales Kime
Vocals/Music- Steve Isonlyric changes Is love down the road not taken or on the one I’m traveling on? Is it in the hand I’m holding or the one I’m running from? Is it impossible to see? Tell me Was it in the unread story or in a dream not yet known? Did I lose it along the way or leave it untouched at home? Is it too late to believe? Tell me Chorus- OLD chorus I'm stranded there beyond the horizon searching for forever in your eyes yes, I'm stranded there beyond the horizon in need of a friend to lead me home NEW CHORUS-stranded here all alone looking for a way back home stranded here all alone looking for a way back home Was love in the silver lining or in the depths of despair? Was it hidden in both places Separated by thin air? Is it invisible to see? tell me Repeat Chorus Bridge 'cause faith’s been shaken a toll’s been taken there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to find my way back home to you Is it too late to believe? tell me Chorus x 2 Kimberly Hales Kime Steve Ison © 2012 All Rights Reserved
Last edited by KimberlyinNC; 05/24/12 09:42 PM.
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Wow the verse is SOOOOO good, but the chorus is a major letdown.
I would love to get my hands on this and finish it. I know everybody has a different direction they envision, but I tell ya, this could really be good.
The chorus is weak but I love the way he framed the verses.
Worth working on this!
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DRS Would you make it clearer for me? It is the music melody of the chorus or the lyrical side or both that you felt was a let down? Thanks for your comments.  Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Well I will admit, i clicked on the audio without looking for the lyrics. That was my initial reaction.
The lyrics are abstract, poetic, I dont have a big problem with any of it, but what killed the vibe of the song was the chorus, it's like it went backwards instead of forwards.
But as I said there is a lot to like about the tune too!
Last edited by December Rock Star; 03/11/12 02:14 PM.
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Hi Kim, There sure is a lot to like about this! Steve is good so I'm happy you're doing a collab with him. I love the verses I think it's very good writing! I wonder if ending all the verses with "tell me" will make that compete with the title. I'm not sure but I had that thought so I'm sharing it. I also think the chorus needs a little work. I don't think this line works; there beyond the horizon it's stressed wrong or it doesn't fit (sounds rushed) with the music I'm not sure which it is. So for me that line messes up the flow but if it was smoothed out then I think your chorus would work better. Of course it's just my opinion. That's about all I have. I think you two are working on a cool song. Dottie
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KIM!!
So freaking lucky, I'm such a fan of Steve's...
This is tricky because I've always heard finished stuff of his so I want to say he has it in his head and it will all turn out okay, but in this stage, I'm hearing what Dottie is hearing.
If this wasn't Steve, I would be thinking like DRS on this one, the chorus seems like melodically it would take off. The quick cadance of the verses makes me get a feeling of that chorus doing something more dramatic.
I would tell Steve to forget the lyric in the chorus and just create the music for the chorus naturally after the verse, just do it without words and then add the words to the chorus he comes up with....some help I am huh?? It is just the genre that he works in and his songs are so special, I would tell him to take it to another place.
The verses are GREAT! REally am excited about this song girl!!
Tammy
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I agree with Dottie about the Horizon line or maybe the chorus in general could be look at again.
I'm not sure you need the, Tell Me.
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Hi Kimberlyin.
Well I won't be-labor the chorus critiques, as I think they are all accurate in their general assessments. Look for some melody change within the chorus and experiment with a slightly slower tempo perhaps with the whole song. I "generally" but not always, like the chorus more upbeat than the verses, and with a musical pause or subtle break before returning to the verse. The Beatles were really good at verse to chorus transitions--they did pretty well too. I really felt that you were moving too rapidly especially transitioning from chorus back to verse and to bridge. The lyrics are well thought out, but remember that the listener won't have the advantage of reading them while listening, so look to make slightly stronger vocal accentuations on key action and subject words to help the listener follow your story. It is easier with a slower tempo.
You have a very intersting voice--I like it, but feel you have much more to offer with your vocal style by adding more emotion and vocal inflections. I'm sure you have your favorite artists that you have drawn from and I can tell by your voice that you can move smoothly in and out of falsetto like "Joni Mitchell," yet you also have a lower range or tone quality that reminds me of Crissy Hinde who had a group called "The Pretenders." I'm sure you have listened to both of those singers at one time. Our singing styles are derived from the different artists that have influenced us growing up as well as the voice we are born with, but some songs need to be sang very straight and others with more flare for effect. I re-listened to your song and you defintely remind me of Crissy Hinde which is cool. Don't be afraid to use a little more of that flare.
But don't rush the tempo and experiment with some melody changes within the chorus. Let your voice be most dramatic within the bridge--the bridge should change pace, melody, and make a statement, if it doesn't achieve that, drop it, bridges aren't imperative to every song. Love your voice!!
Good luck, steady-eddie. (Ed Swartz)
Last edited by E Swartz; 03/14/12 11:24 AM.
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Hi Kim.........I don't have much to say, other than the magic sometimes comes in flashes..........I would sit back and enjoy the process....and when it's done, only then I would unveil it.
You have sooooo much great stuff to work with...I'll bet it all comes together fantastically!!!
Good luck and have fun!
-Tom
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Kimberlyin, & Steve especially--I wanted to apologize that I thought Kimberly was singing the song "Stranded." Thanks for letting me know Kim. So my suggestions were actually directed a little incorrectly--so Steve, nice voice.
"steady eddie puts foot in mouth, again, and I'm sure it won't be the last time."
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Hi Kim, There sure is a lot to like about this! Steve is good so I'm happy you're doing a collab with him. thanks, yes I feel fortunate to do one with Steve.I love the verses I think it's very good writing! wow, thank you so much Dottie I wonder if ending all the verses with "tell me" will make that compete with the title. I'm not sure but I had that thought so I'm sharing it. I also think the chorus needs a little work. I don't think this line works; there beyond the horizon it's stressed wrong or it doesn't fit (sounds rushed) with the music I'm not sure which it is. So for me that line messes up the flow but if it was smoothed out then I think your chorus would work better. Of course it's just my opinion. I agree, it used to be cause I'm stranded somewhere beyond the horizon but it sounded crowded once he did a melody for it...That's about all I have. I think you two are working on a cool song. Dottie Thanks sweetie for your advice!!! I always take it all into consideration Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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KIM!!
So freaking lucky, I'm such a fan of Steve's...I feel lucky to work with him, I am also a fan.
This is tricky because I've always heard finished stuff of his so I want to say he has it in his head and it will all turn out okay, but in this stage, I'm hearing what Dottie is hearing.
If this wasn't Steve, I would be thinking like DRS on this one, the chorus seems like melodically it would take off. The quick cadance of the verses makes me get a feeling of that chorus doing something more dramatic.
I would tell Steve to forget the lyric in the chorus and just create the music for the chorus naturally after the verse, just do it without words and then add the words to the chorus he comes up with....some help I am huh?? It is just the genre that he works in and his songs are so special, I would tell him to take it to another place.
The verses are GREAT! REally am excited about this song girl!!
Tammy Thanks, I had told him we could change any lyrics needed..I may tell him to perhaps try just writing a chorus melody and I write accordingly..thanks!!! Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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I agree with Dottie about the Horizon line or maybe the chorus in general could be look at again.
I'm not sure you need the, Tell Me. Thanks Nelson, we will be paying attention to all of that. I appreciate your input!! Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Hi Kimberlyin. Well I won't be-labor the chorus critiques, as I think they are all accurate in their general assessments. Look for some melody change within the chorus and experiment with a slightly slower tempo perhaps with the whole song. I "generally" but not always, like the chorus more upbeat than the verses, and with a musical pause or subtle break before returning to the verse. The Beatles were really good at verse to chorus transitions--they did pretty well too. I really felt that you were moving too rapidly especially transitioning from chorus back to verse and to bridge. The lyrics are well thought out, but remember that the listener won't have the advantage of reading them while listening, so look to make slightly stronger vocal accentuations on key action and subject words to help the listener follow your story. It is easier with a slower tempo. I will show all of this to Steve and he can take it from there... You have a very intersting voice--I like it, but feel you have much more to offer with your vocal style by adding more emotion and vocal inflections. I'm sure you have your favorite artists that you have drawn from and I can tell by your voice that you can move smoothly in and out of falsetto like "Joni Mitchell," yet you also have a lower range or tone quality that reminds me of Crissy Hinde who had a group called "The Pretenders." I'm sure you have listened to both of those singers at one time. Our singing styles are derived from the different artists that have influenced us growing up as well as the voice we are born with, but some songs need to be sang very straight and others with more flare for effect. I re-listened to your song and you defintely remind me of Crissy Hinde which is cool. Don't be afraid to use a little more of that flare. It was not my singing, but Steves..  But don't rush the tempo and experiment with some melody changes within the chorus. Let your voice be most dramatic within the bridge--the bridge should change pace, melody, and make a statement, if it doesn't achieve that, drop it, bridges aren't imperative to every song. Love your voice!! Good luck, steady-eddie. (Ed Swartz) Thanks so much Eddie, some things we will discuss and take into consideration. I appreciate the indepth crit. It helps me learn Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Kimberlyin, & Steve especially--I wanted to apologize that I thought Kimberly was singing the song "Stranded." Thanks for letting me know Kim. So my suggestions were actually directed a little incorrectly--so Steve, nice voice.
"steady eddie puts foot in mouth, again, and I'm sure it won't be the last time." OH that is ok!!! hahaha.... 
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Hi Kim.........I don't have much to say, other than the magic sometimes comes in flashes..........I would sit back and enjoy the process....and when it's done, only then I would unveil it.
You have sooooo much great stuff to work with...I'll bet it all comes together fantastically!!!
Good luck and have fun!
-Tom I wish I could harness some of that magic!! Thanks for your belief in us Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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The only thing I would really change is taking out the word there beyond the horizon. Seems rushed and without it I think it would meter just fine. It's a dandy tune, kind of a 60s throw back which I naturally love. The tune is catchy enough that frankly I don't care what the words are. If I heard it on the radio I would listen all the way through and find out more about the singer/songwriter and buy the CD just for that one cut.
I don't know what else I'd change lyrically myself. I could probably find something else worth changing but it's a pop song and it doesn't have to say anything profound just as long as it's not just a silly bunch of pap that draws attention to itself for that very reason. I'm just not one to look for something wrong like I was trying to pick the pepper out of the fly droppings so to speak.
So all in all, I would consider it a success for it's sonic appeal alone.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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i hate to sound like i'm jumpin' on the wagon about the chorus but if there's room,then let me on.This is really a good song and has a lot to it that keeps me listening.i just think the chorus needs to be redone all together.Love the melody and verse lyrics,the vocals are pretty cool,kinda sound Moody Blue-ish to me and i DIG The Moody Blues!Good luck with it!
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Kim, I will put a few comments below....
Lyrics- Kimberly Hales Kime
Vocals/Music- Steve Ison
Is love down the road not taken
or on the road I’m rolling along?
Is it in the hand I’m holding
or the one I’m running from?
Is it even possible to see?
Tell me
Was it in the unread story This verse is very vague and hard to decipher. I think i would change it a lot!
or in a dream not yet known?
Did I lose it along the way
or leave it untouched at home?
Is it too late to believe?
Tell me
Chorus
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
searching for a sign in your eyes
yes, I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
in need of a friend
to lead me home
Was love in the silver lining
or lost in the depths of despair?
Was it hidden so I could not see it
floating around in the air?
Is it impossible to see?
tell me
Repeat Chorus
Bridge
'cause faith’s been shaken
a toll’s been taken
there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
to find my way back home to you
Is it too late to believe?
tell me
Chorus
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
searching for forever in your eyes
yes, I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
in need of a friend
to lead me home
Chorus 2
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
searching for forever in your eyes
yes, I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
in need of you friend
to lead me home
in need of you friend
to lead me home
Kimberly Hales Kime
Steve Ison
© 2012 All Rights Reserved
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Great song Kim ... I can't wait to hear it with a bunch of instruments ... this is awesome
dAn
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Sounds like a pretty cool tune and a fine collab. I couldn't tell from listening when the chorus arrived, so that might be an issue (Oh, I see the chorus is a popular topic!). Work on that and you'll have a winner.
Very good singing and playing!
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I like the guitar strumming, crisp clean chops, it adds a lot, the chorus might need to go up the scale a bit, Steve's got the voice for it. Take the vocals up on the word horizon, make the chorus bleed the pain of the wait
Chorus
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon--(go way up on this do a vocal riff)
trying to find forever in your eyes-gets rid of two fors
yes, I'm stranded
and I'm realizing
I'm in need of a friend
to lead me home.~~Go way up on this last word
otherwise it's a song i would listen to...and can relate to in my days on this earth. best of luck with it...break a peg...LOL
~~~MFB III
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The only thing I would really change is taking out the word there beyond the horizon. Seems rushed and without it I think it would meter just fine. It's a dandy tune, kind of a 60s throw back which I naturally love. Thanks, Steve's style is like that, reminds me of the Beatles but current...if that makes sense.. The tune is catchy enough that frankly I don't care what the words are. If I heard it on the radio I would listen all the way through and find out more about the singer/songwriter and buy the CD just for that one cut. Wow, that is a nice thing to say about the music and it being that catchy though I do suppose as a lyric writer I hope once the music catches your ear you will grow to appreciate and relate to the lyric
I don't know what else I'd change lyrically myself. I could probably find something else worth changing but it's a pop song and it doesn't have to say anything profound just as long as it's not just a silly bunch of pap that draws attention to itself for that very reason. I'm just not one to look for something wrong like I was trying to pick the pepper out of the fly droppings so to speak.
So all in all, I would consider it a success for it's sonic appeal alone.
Stevie Thanks so much Stevie for your kind words and advice Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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i hate to sound like i'm jumpin' on the wagon about the chorus but if there's room,then let me on.This is really a good song and has a lot to it that keeps me listening.i just think the chorus needs to be redone all together.Love the melody and verse lyrics,the vocals are pretty cool,kinda sound Moody Blue-ish to me and i DIG The Moody Blues!Good luck with it! Thanks Michael and nothing wrong with jumping on the band wagon, it just makes it clearer to me that certain things need attention and that is very helpful!!! Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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i hate to sound like i'm jumpin' on the wagon about the chorus but if there's room,then let me on.This is really a good song and has a lot to it that keeps me listening.i just think the chorus needs to be redone all together.Love the melody and verse lyrics,the vocals are pretty cool,kinda sound Moody Blue-ish to me and i DIG The Moody Blues!Good luck with it! Thanks Michael and nothing wrong with jumping on the band wagon, it just makes it clearer to me that certain things need attention and that is very helpful!!! Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Kim, I will put a few comments below....
Lyrics- Kimberly Hales Kime
Vocals/Music- Steve Ison
Is love down the road not taken
or on the road I’m rolling along? is this because traveling sounds crowded? I am asking to clarify:)Is it in the hand I’m holding
or the one I’m running from?
Is it even possible to see?
Tell me
Was it in the unread story This verse is very vague and hard to decipher. I think i would change it a lot!
or in a dream not yet known?
Did I lose it along the way
or leave it untouched at home?
Is it too late to believe?
Tell me
I meant it as was the answer of love in a story he didn't read or in a dream he didn't dream..he is searching for why he never figured out that what he had was good before he ended up alone...it is alternative and sometimes they are kinda more vague but if Steve agrees we may make changes.
Chorus
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
searching for a sign in your eyes
yes, I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
in need of a friend
to lead me home
Was love in the silver lining
or lost in the depths of despair?
Was it hidden so I could not see it
floating around in the air?
Is it impossible to see?
tell me
Repeat Chorus
Bridge
'cause faith’s been shaken
a toll’s been taken
there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
to find my way back home to you
Is it too late to believe?
tell me
Chorus
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
searching for forever in your eyes
yes, I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
in need of a friend
to lead me home
Chorus 2
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
searching for forever in your eyes
yes, I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon
in need of you friend
to lead me home
in need of you friend
to lead me home
Kimberly Hales Kime
Steve Ison
© 2012 All Rights Reserved
Hi Colin, My fav. English Gent...thanks for checking this out, and I will show it to Steve and if he agrees on your thoughts we may make some alterations...:) Kim
Last edited by KimberlyinNC; 03/29/12 08:09 PM.
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Great song Kim ... I can't wait to hear it with a bunch of instruments ... this is awesome
dAn Thank you Dan!!! and..I have missed seeing you around here...and your beautiful music Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Thanks Kevin, yes most seem to agree on the chorus, and I agree, I like Steves sound too...was thrilled to work on a song with him
Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Thanks Calvin!!! and I agree with ya buddy Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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I like the guitar strumming, crisp clean chops, it adds a lot, the chorus might need to go up the scale a bit, Steve's got the voice for it. Take the vocals up on the word horizon, make the chorus bleed the pain of the wait
I agree, maybe Steve will too and we can make those changes
Chorus
I'm stranded
there beyond the horizon--(go way up on this do a vocal riff)
trying to find forever in your eyes-gets rid of two fors
yes, I'm stranded --are you saying to take out forever due to that.?and I'm realizing
I'm in need of a friend
to lead me home.~~Go way up on this last word
otherwise it's a song i would listen to...and can relate to in my days on this earth. best of luck with it...break a peg...LOL
~~~MFB III
break a peg too..thanks Matt 
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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I like this alot, steve has a style that reminds me of the way Dishwalla chords things out...the chorus has got to be stronger, the verse melody is far too cool for this chorus...the challenge here is coming up with a chorus that screams here i come, you know it's comin...BAM. good luck, hope all is well with you and yours...moker
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I like this alot, steve has a style that reminds me of the way Dishwalla chords things out...the chorus has got to be stronger, the verse melody is far too cool for this chorus...the challenge here is coming up with a chorus that screams here i come, you know it's comin...BAM. good luck, hope all is well with you and yours...moker Moker I am so sorry I missed this post. I was putting up the new chorus, as everyone had suggested and saw this post. I appreciate your kind words as well as your suggestion. I hope this chorus is an improvement. The melody is is a bit different as are the lyrics for the chorus Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Kimmers!!
I do think this works better. The shortened chorus lends itself to the melody better, the other way seemed meandering to me. An improvement...I love listening, I can see Steve with his camera, walking around the park in my head...LOL!!
Tammy
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Kimmers!!
I do think this works better. The shortened chorus lends itself to the melody better, the other way seemed meandering to me. An improvement...I love listening, I can see Steve with his camera, walking around the park in my head...LOL!!
Tammy Thanks Tammy! I wish Steve would make a video for it, I have never asked him...I will show him these reviews..maybe you and I can sweet talk him alittle...;) Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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KIM--
GENERALLY THE SONG MOVES ALONG--I’LL AGREE WITH MOST OF THE SUGGESTIONS--I FEEL NEEDS MORE VISUALS--
MY THOUGHTS ON THE CH--CAPS USE OR LOSE
HAVE A WALK DOWN IN MINOR FOR CH--THEN BACK UP FOR VERSES--
I’M stranded here
LEFT IN THE DARK
CAN’T SEE a way back
I’M stranded here
PAIN IN MY HEART
SEARCHING for a way back
WRITE ON--
Mackie
Last edited by Mackie H.; 05/26/12 12:57 AM.
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I think this would be much stronger if the "tell me" ended on the 5 chord and the chorus resolved to the 1 chord. More production with harmonies, etc. would bring the chorus to life.
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Hi Kim, This sounds really good and the chorus sounds so much better. It sounds like it's done to me. I love that he didn't use the 2nd line of the bridge and I think the whole thing works! Dottie
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Kim! great job! you're getting good girl! peace! Dave
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