JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 STOLEN MY HEART/STEALING MY HEART-REWRITE

These lyrics are different from my usual style. I know it's not a very creative write or hook but it might sound good with the right music. I have rewritten some and added a verse. Any feedback is welcome!

STEALING MY HEART

V1
Walking by, you caught my eye
I thought I heard you calling
Looking back, felt a little tug
Next thing I know I’m falling

Chorus
Boy you’re stealing my heart away…
Didn’t have a chance to hide
Never saw you coming
Now you’re all I think about night and day…
So I’m waiting here for you
It’s too late for running

V2
Bluest eyes that mesmerize
Sweet words caressing my ear
Clever thief, keep distracting me
And I’ll keep letting you near

(Chorus)

Bridge
I know I should be careful, I need to be thinking smart
But when you flash that boyish grin I can’t protect my heart

V3
You slip past my defenses
through shadows of my soul
you steal small pieces of my heart
yet somehow I now feel whole


V4
Hands that give but also take
Your kiss, intoxicating
Friends warn, keep away for my sake
But I’m still contemplating

‘Cause…(Chorus)

Jen, well written and complete. Stolen emotions...

It's not easy to do until you're matching syllables to the music, but "Friends warn, keep away for my sake" was a bit hard to sing in my head.

Pam

JEN--

This is a good one--A KEEPER!

I like it a lot!

Mackie

Pamela,

Thanks for checking this out. I appreciate the feedback. I've read through that line several times and it still works in my head. I'll see what others say about it.

Mackie,

I'm pleased you like this. It's a bit different from my usual lyrics so I wasn't sure about it. It's good to know it works. Thanks for the comments.

Jen, from a craft POV it is well-written...but using stolen or broken hearts in a song is a near kiss of death, unless you're the artist. Write specifically about WHY or HOW your heart was stolen but use a clever fresh hook...that's the trick.

R. Shayne,

You are right that this isn't very original. It was just in my head so I wrote it out. I may work on it some more to give it a unique hook when I get a chance. Thanks for the feedback. I always appreciate it.

HiDee Mz J!

Sweet Stuff Y'Gots Here, M'LadyChum!

The "Heart on my sleeve" felt a bit Dated...JMO...

And..It sets up a strong Need for a Rhyme for it, to my Addlepated Ears...so...I'll Sug adding a LINE to Your Chorus:

......
"I think about you night and day/
YOU'RE WORTH IT, I BELIEVE/
So I'm waiting here for you/
It's too late for running"

That Last Line's an EXCELLENT TITLE...JMO again.

V2, last line Sug:
"& I'll ALWAYS let you near"

BRIDGE, L:
"'Know I always should be careful, 'Know I MUST KEEP thinkIN' smart"

All-in-All, Good'n' that's Gettin'-There!!! Good Luck with it, KOS the Sugs

Best Wishes, Big Hugs, & a Wee FHS,
Stan

Jen you always tell a good story, and that instant of falling in love is always a great song. ~~~MFB III

Hi Stan,

Thanks for checking this out and giving your thoughts and feedback. I will keep working on this my friend. I appreciate it!
Hugs,
Jinx

Thanks MFB. I am glad you enjoyed!

I've made some changes though it still isn't something unique...just had a catchy tune in my head for it. I'm wondering if the new verse works and what else could help it.