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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Lamb.wavv
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/05/26 04:07 PM
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#11 of my 50/90! This could probably be a male or female vocal... not really even sure what genre, I don't have a melody working yet. This was a fairly quick write, from some old notebook bits I've been going through. Appreciate any and all look-sees/feedback!  V1 I’m longing to touch you Where would you like? I’m dying to please you Deep into the night V2 I have to possess you Our bodies agree I want to feel you Let me take your need… Pre-Chorus: Just don’t try to tease me anymore You know you can reach me, you’re what I exist for My emotions don’t easily scatter But my heart’s in your fire, and nothing else matters Chorus: Stay wrapped close to me Let’s set our passion free I feel savage and hungry and breathless You make me reckless… reckless V3 I cannot deny this One moment longer My desire’s grown primal And yours even stronger, … so, Repeat Pre-Chorus Repeat Chorus Bridge: Right here, right now, so out of control Don’t let it end, don’t let me go You’re all I see, and feel, and know Repeat Chorus Savage.. hungry.. you satisfy me I’m breathless… you make me reckless And I want to be reckless... reckless © 7/20/2011 Jennifer L. Warner
Last edited by Jen Warner; 07/20/11 09:52 PM.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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I get so tired of women writing songs about me...   Seriously though... I have to possess you Our bodies agree I want to feel you Let me make you need… That last line confused me... (allow me to take the perspective of the female songer for the moment) If you are asking him to tell you where he wants you to touch him, etc... then you are asking to relieve his needs rather than force him to feel a need... This whole lyric also seems to sit at a single point in time and does not progress... It may be interesting to consider what the next stage of things might be after the first two verses are expressed... what would his reply be? What would her reply be to him? could you incorporate that movement in the third verse? Just a few thoughts... Oh and the title should really be reckless ... http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/wreckless.html Best of luck, Greg
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What Greg said, even the part about women writing songs about me This has an appeal for sure but like Greg said the focus needs to be tighten slightly. Even so I went back and read it again. "Is it hot in here?  " Douglas
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I have 14 songs to post for 50/90...ugh...
I'm not sure I should crit this song considering my age. Hah...
No, uhm...I'm actually going to disagree with the others. I feel that the song talks more about the emotion itself rather than what's actually occurring. I like it.
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I really like this and I think-just like the guys-all men would like!
Cindy
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Greg-- I like your new pic! You crack me up... thanks for the crit! Very helpful, and you were absolutely right about that line... I changed it. As for it not progressing... again absolutely right. I did that intentionally. It seemed steamy enough without what happens next, and I really wanted to capture that moment where emotions and physical desire blend inseparably, where the butterflies and dizziness all happen, and those 3 little infamous words tend to want to slip out.. but I'm sure the progression could be folded in, so I will consider! And AWESOME catch on the Title!!!! Would you know, that as I was writing, it struck me that "wreckless" was a strange word in the context I was using. I still had no idea it was wrong!! I guess that's why YOU are the IdeaGuy!!!! Hahaha! Thanks so much! --Jen
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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Doug--- too funny! Thanks for stopping by, and taking time on this one! Going to consider making it span the scene rather than an isolated moment. But yes, I also think this one makes it a little "hot" in here! LOL! I can't imagine how some folks sit there and write romance novels! Meg-- Good luck on your 50/90.. just jump on in there! Thanks for your thoughtful comments on this one.. if enough peeps think I captured the moment nicely, with the emotion in the mix, then there may not be a need to really take it further. After all, as you say, I don't want it too explicit... and I was trying to balance right on the edge. So, your input is actually very valuable... thank you much!! Cindy-- I am so glad you like it... and though I know it would be a very sexy song with a female vocalist, that guys would really like... I keep thinking it should be a male vocal! We'll see!
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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Jen, In this day of rap and hip hop vulgarity, your siren/sex lyric seems almost, well Victorian. It reminds me of the old Otis Blackwell penned tune "Breathless" which Jerry Lee Lewis turned into a hit. Google the lyrics to see what I mean.
Here's a couple lines that popped into my head as I read your lyrics. Good luck on this naughty one!
I'm dying to touch you
Where would you like it?
You know that you want it
So don't you deny it
I got just what you need
To leave you breathless
If you're feeling reckless
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Holy Cow, Dan... you almost gave me a heart-attack!! I was reading the lines that popped into your head, thinking they were from the Jerry Lee Lewis tune before I googled it... I was like "NO WAY my lyric is THAT identical!!" Haha Whew! I gave up plagiarism when I was about 6 years old! Loved the "Victorian" comment too... gave me a chuckle!! Thanks bunches!! --Jen
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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Getting steamy in here Jen, cough cough. I can't breathe!!  Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Thanks, Stevie! I know, I know... what can I say... shame on me!
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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Yeah almost Victorian as Dan pointed out by today's standards but that doesn't take anything away from it.Or as my Ma used to say to me in the 1960s, the permissive society stops at our front door!
I like this kind of lyric nice and smouchy without being smutty as we say in the UK.
Good luck with it Jen
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hey, Jen....this is going to be a great POP song with a power chorus. There are a few words I would change here and there to condense it even more into a pop structure, but alot of that has already been addressed. You have done a great job placing the listener there...IMO. I can definitely hear this one playing in my head. Slower verses with some great percussion....more up-tempo chorus with a key change.....I can hear it!!
Not too over the top steamy, but plenty enough to get both gender's blood curdling just enough. I am loving this one!!
Super job on it....IMO. You're a very good writer....I love reading your work.
Jan
Last edited by Janice Hopkins; 07/21/11 06:56 PM.
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Travis-- thanks for dropping by and your kind words! That's exactly what I was going for.. didn't want to cross over into the "smut" category! Janice-- What a HUGE compliment.. thank you sooo much!! I will definitely keep your sugs in mind when I get it to music!! Really appreciate your commenting! --Jen
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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I feel like I a voyeur. I must bathe. This is... Wait.. I'm gonna go read this again. Be right back.. Seriously, Jen this is well written and a fantastic insight into the mind of the singer. As a male, the need for this to naturally progress to the next stage is mind-numbing, but then again being on the edge is pretty awesome too so.... I think this fits the male mentality pretty good. I can hear a male vocal on this. Great job! Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Dave-- AWESOME feedback!! I know it is mind-numbing, especially for a man, to want that next stage. I couldn't have said it better.. and I agree, I am nearly certain this needs to be a male vocal! Thanks so much!! --Jen
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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